So Little Time (Frerard)

7: Every Monitor Beep Keeps The Time As I Count Down The Hours

Gerard sat next to Frank's slumbering form, gently stroking his hair as he waited for him to finally wake up, and even though his ass was going numb because of the uncomfortable plastic chair that was the only furniture in the room they provided for visitors, Gerard had no intentions of moving anytime soon.

After Gerard had cried himself out earlier, a nurse had come to Frank's room and explained more about his condition, and what Gerard should expect to happen over the next few weeks.

Frank's tumor was on the left side of his brain, which meant that over time, Frank would lose coordination on the right side of his body, but that wasn't the worst thing. Frank could also go blind before the end, and the nurse had advised that he be kept under constant watch because of this.

Gerard had assured her that he would be with Frank the entire time; honestly, he didn't plan on letting him out of his sight ever again, and if Frank made it through the summer, Gerard would simply postpone going back to school, he could afford to take a semester off, especially if it meant he got more time with Frank.

Gerard's heart twisted painfully every time he considered the fact that Frank wouldn't be a part of his life very much longer, but he tried to ignore it. Falling apart wasn't going to change anything, so Gerard had shoved away his emotions the best that he could, and even though his limbs still felt heavy, and his chest ached, he had stopped crying at least, so that was something.

As soon as Frank awakened, Gerard was allowed to take him back home for now, but they would have to return once a week to drain the fluid from around the tumor in the hopes of buying Frank just a little more time. The nurse had suggested Frank staying in the hospital for longer, but Gerard wanted Frank's remaining days to be the best he had ever had, and that would never happen if he was stuck in this place.

Gerard hadn't wanted to accept that this was the end, and that there was nothing else he could do for Frank besides be there for him, but the nurse had stomped on his last hope for a miracle, emphasizing over and over again that there was literally nothing they could do now that the tumor had grown so large, and if they attempted anything, it would only kill Frank that much quicker.

And even though her words mirrored the doctor's almost exactly, hearing it a second time had made the reality of Frank's situation truly sink in, and even just mentally repeating them caused Gerard to cringe as if they were causing him physical agony, which they might as well be. No external injury could hurt as much as losing Frank, and Gerard would gladly subject himself to endless amounts of torture if it meant that Frank would be spared.

But it wouldn't, nothing would save Frank now, and even though Gerard knew he needed to come to grips with that, how was he supposed to continue on with life as normal when the best thing in it was going to be taken away from him?

Nothing would ever be okay again if - when - Frank died, but Gerard couldn't think about that right now. Frank was still here for the moment, and Gerard was determined to make the most of every second they had left, even if he was dying inside along with Frank.

A tear escaped past Gerard's defenses, and he was surprised when he felt the cool wetness upon his face once more. He had been convinced that he had cried himself empty earlier, but it hadn't taken long for his body to start producing tears again, and before Gerard could stop himself, he was sobbing quietly for the second time today.

The hopelessness of this situation was just too much for Gerard to handle, and he was so scared, and overwhelmed, and alone right now. Gerard wanted someone to come and comfort him, but his parents were in New York, and even though he knew he would have to call them with the news about Frank's condition sooner rather than later, he wasn't mentally prepared to tell anyone about this yet, it would just make Frank's eminent demise even more real in his mind.