Deciding to Disappoint
I once desired approval,
My parents approval,
That they would say that I was an excellent daughter,
My friends approval,
That they would call me a reliable friend,
My relatives approval,
That they would be proud to be my relatives,
I once desired approval,
Thought it would make me feel good,
Thought it would boost my self-esteem,
Thought it meant I was welcome to circles,
I wanted everyone’s approval so desperately,
I did things I didn’t approve of at all,
I did things that weren’t in line with my principles,
I did things that made me love myself a little less,
I once desired approval desperately,
Until one day I didn’t desire it,
The day I realized I was a joke to people I helped,
I realized that my efforts were thoroughly unappreciated,
I realized I was being mistaken for an idler,
I realized that people treated my resources as their backup plan,
I realized that seeking approval was a thankless delusion,
So I decided to disappoint for my convenience,
I once desired approval,
Till I learnt that it healthy to disappoint other people,
Till NO became my first answer to inconveniences,
Till I saw how much time I wasted chasing approval,
Till I saw how I preserved my resources when I disappoint,
Till I saw how much freedom I had to make choices I like,
Till I felt the pressure to meet societal standards lift off,
Until I realized I was okay with disappointing some people,
I still desire approval,
From a few people I respect,
From a few people who inspire me,
These people remind me that I’m good enough,
That mastering something is a process,
That approval is given for steps taken and not results alone,
I only want the healthy kind of approval,
Not because it defines me, but it comes from people who care.
