𝙳𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚎(𝙰𝙲𝙾𝚃𝙰𝚁)

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖓**

This is really just a filler chapter

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Astraea!" I heard. I glanced up from my book as the young twins approached me.

Little Evelina had pure excitement in her violet eyes, though there was nothing but boredom reflected in Rhys's.

"What is it?" I questioned.

"Will you sign this?" Evelina asked, handing me a piece of paper with writing on it. "It's Azriel's birthday card."

My heart swelled at the words, and tears formed in my eyes. I blinked them back, and smiled.

"That's so sweet of you guys," I said quietly.

He'd never had a birthday celebration before. We had lost our sense of time in the cell we were kept in. We were never told the date or how many years had passed. We only had a vague sense of the time of year.

"Are you going to sign it or--" Rhys demanded.

"Can you two do it for me?" I asked, frowning. "I'm not feeling well."

"How do you spell Astraea?" Eve asked, putting the card on the coffee table as she pulled a pen out of her pocket.

"Sound it out," I told her.

"Oh come on, you're not my teacher," she protested, her lower lip jutting out. "Just tell me."

"I don't know," I confessed, my cheeks growing hot. Rhys seemed to perk up at that. Of course he did.

"You don't know how to spell your name?" Rhys questioned. I clenched my jaw, but shook my head. "I could spell my name by the time I was three."

"Good for you, Rhysand," I sighed.

"How old are you?"

"How old is Azriel?" I questioned.

"He's turning twelve," Eve said, glancing over at me.

"I'm five years older than that," I stated.

I could only count to five. I had been five when I was dragged away from my life and thrown into a cell. Demetri would make me count my lashings, but he never did more than five at a time. He didn't want them to scar, he would say.

"You can't count, either?" he demanded.

"Nobody ever taught me," I explained, feeling a lump in the back of my throat.

"You're seventeen," Rhys told me. The number meant nothing to me. "That's young to have a baby. You're not even married."

"Shut up, Rhys," Evelina grumbled. "I'll just ask Mother how to spell your name."

"Thanks, Eve," I said with a slight smile.

I cleared my throat, blinking the tears out of my eyes. Rhys was just a child, and I couldn't fault him for his words. But sometimes, his taunts really hurt.

I sat up straight as I heard a loud cry coming from my bedroom. I sighed, getting to my feet and forcing myself up the stairs.

Movement was not easy for me, not since the pregnancy. Most Fae females did not have children until their 100s. By body was not truly ready for childbirth, at my young age. It was the same for my mother, who had me when she was eighteen.

The birth was rough. I survived it, but I was bedridden for a month after. I was still in constant pain. And I wouldn't be able to have any more children. But that didn't bother me, especially because I never planned on letting a male touch me again.

I picked my daughter up out of her crib. She hiccupped through her tears as I rocked her gently.

"Hello, my love," I greeted her. "Why're you crying, baby?"

I knew she couldn't understand me, but it was nice to talk to her.

"I promise I'll never hurt you," I murmured. "I'll always love you more than anything else in the world, okay? Never think anything different."

Her cries continued, and I sighed, holding her closer. I hated how much I missed my own mother. Even if she hadn't held me, or even bothered to comfort me since I was ten.

A knock on the door made me tense. I relaxed a second later, calling for them to come in.

"Hey," Iridessa smiled, stepping into the room. "Do you want me to help calm her down?"

"Sure," I nodded, handing Luna to her.

She smiled, rocking the baby. She seemed to know exactly what to do. I watched curiously, wondering how she was able to get my baby to stop crying so quickly.

"I'm a terrible mother," I realized, scoffing at myself.

"Oh, no," she insisted. "It took me a very long time to figure out how to quiet the twins. Especially Eve. She was a very fussy baby."

"I was never able to quiet Az," I confessed, staring at my scarred hands in shame.

"Don't be too hard on yourself," she told me. "You were five, and a starved babe kept in the dark isn't going to quiet easily."

A smile spread across her face. "You know, when I would visit your mother at the inn, the two of us combined could never quiet you when you fussed."

"You're more like a mother to me than she ever was," I admitted.

"Well, you only got to see yours once a week," she reminded me. "Go easy on her. She loves you. She went through a lot more than you know in that keep."

"I know she did," I admitted. "But I wish she cared for me."

"Baby, she did," she promised. "She does. I remember when she worked at the inn when you were just a babe. She couldn't stand being away from you, so she found cloth to strap you to her chest while she worked. She would not let anyone else hold you. You were her pride and joy. She showed you off to everyone. She cared for you more than anything."

"When did that stop?" I grumbled.

"It was hard for her," she sighed, shaking her head. "Seeing what you were going through and not being able to stop it. She was ashamed of herself for not protecting you."

She placed Luna in her crib, then sat by my side. I rested my head on her shoulder and burst into tears as I thought of my mother. Gods, I loved her. It was so hard, knowing that after everything, I would always love her.

"Oh, my dear," she sighed, kissing my head.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, wiping my eyes. "I'm sorry, I can't stop."

"Cry it out, Raea," she comforted. "It's okay, love."

The way she held me gave me a feeling I hadn't experienced since before the bargain. I felt safe and cared for. Nothing could harm me while she was here.

"What is wrong with me?" I mumbled, sniffling. "Something must be wrong."

"Nothing is wrong with you, my love," she promised. "You've been through so much, and at such a young age. You need to be easier on yourself."

I woke from my dream with a start, a hand going to my eyes to wipe the tears from them. Iridessa had taken me in, saved me from Demetri, and treated me like I was her daughter. It wasn't fair that she was taken from us. She was so good. I missed her everyday.

I let loose a breath, glancing at the clock. It was about time for me to get up. I knew we were visiting the mortal lands again, today.

We were going to meet with the mortal queens. A part of me was nervous, but overall, I was relieved that they were willing to hear us out.