fuck you kaulitz

Is this love or lust or some game on repeat?- Lana Del Rey

Tom POV:

I didn't know what was wrong with me 

(get it together bro wtf is wrong with you, she's just a girl, what's the big deal?)

I took another shot and i started feeling really dizzy

fuck I'm really drunk.

I lied down onto the girl next to me, the back of my head resting on her thighs. She had wavy long brown hair, kinda like Marina's. She smelt exactly like her too. Her thighs were warm and i could feel myself getting hard. Fuuuuuck. i turned my face so that my cheek was pressed onto her soft skin. This is heaven. I felt her nimble fingers on my hair, running over my cornrows and then to the side of my face. I turned to look at her and she looked exactly like Marina. 

I sat up and placed a hand between her thighs as i lowered my head into her collarbones, right above her cleavage. I took a deep breath and look up at her again. Fuck its Marina. I felt her legs tighten around my hand and watched her squirm in her seat.

Why was i such a dick to her. She didn't deserve this. She looked like an angel, soft and her lips looked inviting as i ravenously stared them down. She was breathing heavily, and with every breath her chest rose and fell. I don't know what came over me but i raised my hand to her face and she flinched. Ouch.

I scrunched up my brows and placed my hand on the side of her face, running it down her cheek and cupping her face with my hand. I didn't realize it, but i got closer to her, my lips almost grazing hers, I looked into her half opened eyes and realized she was the one i wanted to see every morning when i woke up. Not anyone else. When i opened my phone her name was the one i wanted to call, not some whore's. If i heard someone laugh i wanted it to be her. When i opened the door, her face was the one i wanted to see. She was refreshing yet suffocating at the same time, her eyes looked like they held thousands of stories and i was impatiently waiting to hear them. Her voice sounded like a Vivaldi master piece and her body single handedly made me weak in the knees.

My mind hazily brought me back to a few seconds before. Why did she flinch? She also reacted oddly when i pushed her against the wall, that time at Toni's. urgh fucking toni. watch me rip out his testicles if he even thinks about touching marina again. I suddenly remembered something i had forgotten about for the longest time.

"Ina, i said raspily. Who's Jim" I felt her tense up and her mouth opened and closed, shocked. 

"U-uh, who?" She quickly laughed and shook her head, not meeting my eyes. I grabbed her chin softly and slowly moved it to face me.

"Who is Jim, please..." Her eyes filled with an old kind of sadness. She looked down at her hands and then back at me, her eyes stern. 

"I don't know what you're talking about" she shoved me off and sat up, walking away. No way she was leaving this conversation. I got up and chased her down the corridor and out the front door. It was raining. 

"Ina come back" i yelled. The rain unforgivingly beat down on my back, soaking my figure and weighing the expensive thick fabric of my shirt onto my body. Her drenched figure turned back around.

Marina pov:

"Why should i?" I yelled. What did he want with me? why did he keep on giving me mixed signals?

"Please Ina lets talk about this" he begged.

"I'm sick of your words" A sob shook my body. "Why do you always do this." By this point he had caught up and was standing in front of me, rain falling on both our bodies.

"Do what Ina?" He had sobered up and was now looking at me curiously and was begging me not to leave with his eyes. The drops of crystalline water fell onto his lashes and ran down the sides of his chiseled cheeks, stroking the side of his face like my fingers a few moments before.

"Why do you always treat me like shit. why do you say i belong to you then just leave me to the side like one of you're whores. TOM I HAVE FEELINGS." My voice rang out in the empty street. The music blasting from the party long forgotten and the street lights flickering were a murky source of light. I was sobbing by this point and the only people on the street were Tom, me, and the stars watching from above. 

I couldn't take it anymore. 

"Tom, when you say you want me, and we're intimate with each other, it means something to me." I saw his eyes widen as he took a step towards me. "And i want it to mean something to you too." i cried out, wrapping my arms around myself, i didn't like being vulnerable with him.

"Even now, that i'm telling you this, i want this to mean something to you, because i cant tell you how much it HURTS, feeling like i matter JACK SHIT to you apart from when you wanna have fun" i sniffled.

"It does mean something to me Ina-"

"Oh shut the fuck up, i cut him off. You would lie through you're teeth to get with a girl but i'm not buying it Tom." I took a step back, shaking my head. His brows furrowed as he stayed planted on the spot, speechless.

"You see when guys tell you they love you, or they care about you, or even that they appreciate you, you NEVER and i mean NEVER know if its true- Tom I DONT TRUST YOU." i saw him break a little inside and he looked at the ground.

"I DONT TRUST YOU" i screamed with all my might. I sobbed harshly as i thought about how much i had been lied to and cheated by guys.

I brough my face up and looked at him shaking my head. We could've been so much more. We could've gone on walks, or even stayed in i don't care, anything to be with him. I would've given him the world if he had just taken it without a fuss. But that's not Tom. Tom always has to be out doing god knows what with god knows who. And to be with that tom i would rather be by myself.

"Don't come home Tom" He looked up from the spot he was staring at and i saw his eyes gleaming red. 

I turned around and left him behind, with the cold summer rain and our useless dreams.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

THIS IS SO BAD WHAT THE FUCK

Guys i had a CRAZY VIVID DREAM ABOUT MY EX AND IDK IF SHES MANIFESTING ME OR SOMETHING BECAUSFUBFUEBVUKEBUKRVBUEGUERFV. so yeah idk tom gotta get his act together or we boutta throw him overboard.