"So, not to be rude but what are you doing here?" I ask Jesse as I spin around heading back toward the counter and continuing with my task of getting lunches packed and breakfast cleaned up. My heart, not listening to my head, starts to pitter-patter at the sound of Jesse walking up behind me.
"I just wanted to stop by and see you. And her. Is that alright?"
I close my eyes and let out a slow breath before turning back around at the counter. "Of course it's alright. I'm just, ya know...in the middle of daily life and currently running around like a chicken with their head cut off." I try to let out a little chuckle as if it were a joke but it's the truth, most days I do feel like I'm running around like a chicken with their head cut off. I think most moms can relate, or at least single moms can.
"Is there anything I can help with?"
My mind falters for a second, my hands stalling as I try to push a sandwich into a Ziploc bag. Did he just offer to help me without me having to ask? My eyes lift and meet his. Those piercing blues send a shiver down my spine that I mentally curse myself for feeling. God, why does he make me react this way?
"Um," before I can finish the sentence Izzy comes running out in a mermaid shirt and purple shorts with a tiara on her head.
"I'm ready Mommy!" she yells and I can't help but let out a little sigh and then a chuckle.
"Alright, peanut, I just have to finish up here and then I'll fix your hair. Do you want it in a ponytail or pigtails today?"
"Can you do panda ears?"
"Sweets, I don't think we have time to do panda ears today can you please pick something easy like a pony or pigtails? Maybe a ballerina bun?"
"But I want panda ears!"
Letting out a deep sigh I look over at Jesse who seems to be watching us with clear amusement in his eyes before I look back down at the sandwiches. I zip up both bags before licking the peanut butter off my finger and walking over to Izzy.
Bending down I look her in the eye before glancing at the clock. "We're running really late, can you be quick and go get me two small scrunchies so I can finish packing this up and then grab your shoes by the door so I can throw those on before finishing your hair? Okay?"
Izzy nods before dashing off to the small bathroom to collect to scrunchies I asked for. When I look back up I don't see Jesse behind me. Instead, I find him by the counter packing things into Izzy's lunchbox and the black shopping bag that I use as a lunch bag.
I stare like a deer in headlights as he moves around the small kitchen, opening cabinets and the refrigerator, taking out drinks and snacks, and placing them inside both bags. It's not until Izzy tugs at my pants that I look down and get knocked out of the daze. I quickly clear my throat and get to work on fixing up her hair before rushing to the door to throw on her sneakers.
One last glance at the clock tells me that we have ten minutes to get our butts out of here. A quick check for my phone and a spin in a circle looking for all of our items has me laughing when Jesse stands with a smirk aimed at me, holding up the black bag, my keys, and Izzy's backpack.
"Wait, we need her...," my sentence trails off when Jesse shows me that her lunchbox is clipped to her backpack. He holds it out to her with a small smile as she throws her arms through it before giving him a big hug on the leg as a thank you.
My mind is still in shock when they both walk to the door, open it and wait for me to catch up. "I...," I stare at Jesse for a minute as he holds the door open to our apartment, my mind shuffling to try to think of some words but then Izzy starts yelling at me to come on and I blink, giving Jesse a small smile and a thank you before locking the door behind us and walking down the stairs of our building.
Izzy grabs my hand when we get outside and to my utter surprise reaches out for Jeese's hand. He gives her a small smile before stopping us. "Just...," he spins us around so that he's closer to the street, Izzy is in the middle and I'm closer to the building, "Better." He smiles before waiting for us to start walking.
It takes all of two seconds for Iz to start hammering on about her plans in daycare today and one of her favorite teachers. My heart soars as Jesse listens intently and tells her that he can't wait to see what kind of craft she comes home with today before promising to be there when it's time to pick her up if its okay with me. I smile and nod down to Izzy before my eyes look up at Jesse. It's only been a short time but it's like he can't seem to get enough of us. A part of me is overjoyed. I've always been drawn to him, there's something magnetic about him and on top of that he reminds me of a happier time. He reminds me of Lily. Of Deb. But then there's the other part of me that feels almost off balance. He throws me from my new normal.
Jesse being here disrupts everything that I had built with Jeremiah. Everything that I thought I had put in the past he brought up the second he walked into that cafe. And I haven't figured out yet if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
