as the day goes by, i could feel minju's getting more weak. her already worst condition became more worst. her skin were so pale and cold and the way her eyes looks at me, it feels empty like it has already given up. i barely recognize the minju i was with months ago.
there's times when she'll just cough blood all of a sudden without a trigger and not only that, sometimes she's suddenly shaking in a middle of a peaceful minute. she's in and out because of that.
i still get scared. watching her suffer like that pains me so much. watching her body looking so lifeless weakens me. but she's still the love that is my home, the one that comforts me and gives me peace. she's still minju and i will take care of her no matter how long.
"you should be tired", she keeps on telling me– but god knows i never was and never will be.
she keeps on pushing me away just like what she did before. she said my life would be so much better if i just pursue what's left of what i want in life. may she be reminded she's all i ever wanted.
i literally have no motivation and direction in life when she picked me up from that garbage way of living. i have lost everything. every single thing in my life. but i can't lose this one, god. please. i'm not a religious person but i've learned how to pray and beg him to not take away minju from me.
"did i make you happy, chaewon?" she whispered from my shoulder. we were hugging in the middle of the living room, her head resting on my shoulder with our hands intertwined like we were slow dancing in a prom.
"very much"
"i could die right now, you know that?" then she ended up being scolded. "accept the thought of it, my love" i didn't respond, i'm still indenial about everything that might happen even when i already heard it from minju's doctor.
"i'll die with you"
"i'll visit you, ma'am" that made us laugh. that's so minju of minju. "i'll tell god about you"
"sometimes, we just gotta shut up, yeah kim minju?" i held up her cheeks and pecked her lips. she smiled with her eyes closed, weakly. "my bald girlfriend"
"fuck you"
"okay, bitch. come on if you can" i teased. she just presented me her middle finger with a matching aggressive "fuck you" from her lips.
"i'll fucking haunt you, kim chaewon" i just chuckled. i have never been so glad to be haunted by someone. "try to do something i won't like and i'll be the first thing you'll see in the morning" i guess i know what she meant by that.
"shush now" i gave her head a kiss and got back to our position earlier. i can't help but to smile, she's giving my neck small kisses and went to lay on my shoulder once again.
but now she's breathing heavily and i could feel it in my chest. "are you okay?" i asked and got no respond. "minju?" i tapped her back and still, nothing. "hey, hey. minju? minju" i grabbed her arms to make her look at me but– "motherfucker" i'm the one who collapsed in the floor instead.
"love, chaewon. i'm sorry, o my god" she reached for me in the floor, sitting beside me. she made me nervous, not only nervous because i just shred a tear. "i love you" she kissed my shoulder and side-hugged me. "i won't prank you again, i'm sorry"
i didn't speak, just let my emotions fill me up with minju still hugging me. she'll probably have an idea now what will happen to me if she leaves.
since that, she never did it again. she saw how scared am i, she saw me breaking down and she saw herself, she saw herself so weak and grievous. we will lose each other and each time she'll see me cry, she's being reminded about how unfair this chance life has given us.
"i miss driving" minju pouted her lips. "too bad i feel sleepy all the time, i've become weak"
we were sitting in a sofa when she's being hit by her sudden thoughts. i wanted to let her drive but it would be so much dangerous. i got an idea instead.
i got off from my seat to bend infront of minju. i got one of my knees bended, arms stretched behind with my back facing where minju is. i heard a teasing laugh before i felt her arms around my neck. "kim chaewon as your motor, ma'am" i spoke like siri which causes her to laugh even more.
i didn't have a hard time carrying her, she's literally losing a lot of weight. when i managed to stood up, she wrapped her legs around my waist tightly and it's my cue to start my engine.
i ran around the house as long as i can, we can't stop laughing and laughing. i'm contented as long as i knew minju was happy with me. i don't have to look at her face right now to check that, just by hearing her laughs makes me feel what she's feeling genuinely. and she's happy.
