A Child Who Needs Help

Happy

I always wished that to be born in this world without a younger sibling. That way the affection and love from the people around will only be focused on me alone. But God doesn't want and doesn't like it when I become someone who is greedy for affection and love, always wants to be happy alone without caring about other people.

Very Bad! You can not be greedy, you have to think of anyone else!

Until then when I was 5 years old my mother became pregnant with my younger brother. I always hope and try hard to maintain affection and sincere love so that it stays on me.

"I don't want to lose this happiness!"

That's more or less what I told myself when I found out that sooner or later the happiness I'm currently feeling will just disappear after the baby is born. 9 months passed and finally the baby was born into this world, his arrival was greeted with great fanfare by many world. All attention now focused on him, slowly they started to forget me. 1 year more I refuse to admit that the baby is my little brother, hoping for affection and love that has faded can return to normal.

Time passed so fast, slowly I decided to succumb to reality and started to admit that the toddler was my little brother. Always wished that my little brother was born as a little girl, to me it was much better than a little brother.

"I love him? It was so impossible at first"

Whatever I do for him will always be wrong, whatever mistake he does I will always bear everything. I always feel annoyed with him, because my parents never stop scolding me. There wasn't a day without being yelled at by my parents and I was just an 8 year old little girl at that time. No one has ever thought about my feelings, being an older sister is not easy. Because on the other side, I also play the role of a younger sister of a cruel and heartless big sister.

All the mistakes she makes will be borne by herself, but not infrequently shes frustration with my parents for reprimanding her mistakes is taken out on me. Sometimes I get confused at everything.

Because when other people do a mistake they will use me as a cover by accusing me. But when I made a mistake, none of them were willing to defend me or also protect me. Instead of helping me they actually prefer to blaspheme me and corner me. Some of them even acted indifferently just like nothing had happened.

✧⁠◝◜⁠✧

"God is enough, please... My house has been damaged, don't take anything else"

Hoping that time can be played back, imagining as if the world has a time machine to return to the past. Back to the time when everyone's love and affection was only focused on me. Hoping that school life can bring back my happiness and heal my inner wounds but in fact...

"School just ruined everything!"

Bullying, many people don't like me, hate me and think I am weak so they decided to bully me. I wonder to myself every night.

"Is it wrong if I get consecutive champions? Is it wrong if I try to look perfect in order to cover up the shortcomings of my life?"

None of them know the condition and situation of my family. The fights and shouts of anger non-stop every day, make my eardrums feel like they're going to burst. Occasionally I think of running away and leaving this broken house, but I realize how weak this body is.

I tried so hard to be recognized by my friends but none of them paid me any mind. My father is a freelancer, what's wrong with that? Your parents work in front of a computer screen in a comfortable chair and cool room, so why? Both of them work, their goal is to provide for different families it's just a place and work to do, but why are you guys intimidating me so much?

"Am I really that disgusting to you that no one wants to be friends with me?'.

Link video (:

https://youtu.be/7CgTi-rnzLM