A Child Who Needs Help

Family

What do you think about family? Right, for many peoples family is the best house for they'd go back home when they'd feel tired right... But have you thought about how family can be the worst place for us when we are feeling tired?

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Someone told me "Your family must be the best place for you back home".

But I just want to say, have you been thinking about how the situation is in my family? Is it okay, messed up or in an awkward situation. And I'm sure that's not true, you never thought about it and I know that you're just trying to advise me, so I don't leave this messed up family.

My mother has said it to me when she's mad at me.

"For other people, home is the most comfortable place, but for you, home is the most boring place. What's wrong with you? Can't you just stay at home?"

But she! Never even tried to think why'd a house be the most boring place for me or in my life! She's mad at everything I did for myself but she's mad too if i didn't have any activities. Everything I do is wrong in their eyes.

"I'm tired... Can you stop judging me? I thought that you must have an activity to do right?!" Sentences that always run through in my head. It haunts my days and continues to struggle asking to be expelled through my vocal cords.

But all I could do over and over again was keep quiet and silence him. It's hard to say, I don't know, I'm not sure... "I feel so awkward" just wish that something bad didn't happen to me.

Compared to talking to a murderer, talking to my own family members was scarier to me.

They keep throwing the mistakes they made at me.Never take responsibility and keep throwing everything at me.

Sometimes I cry in silence to relieve fatigue. Very tiring, so that not infrequently I try to end all of this by making several wounds in closed sensitive parts.

When they fall, I always try to be the first to catch them so they don't get seriously injured.But when I am someone who falls, no matter how high I fall... "They'll never look at me"

This is so hard, remember how hard I tried to pray and make a wish to get another family. A family full of happiness, tranquility, and full of definite sufficiency. Not lacking or awkward.

Besides that I remember too if someone had told me like this...

"That's just in your dream but wouldn't come true."

"Take care of your dream, And don't go too high or you'll fall down and die."

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The family that I really desire consists of good people who have no problems. A caring father, a loving mother and a lovely sibling. But I'll only get all of that, once I enter the dream world.

For now I can only pray and continue to hope that God will change my family's fate for the better. I hope in the future they'll care more about me.

I'm tired of all this misery. What I heard every time I came home from school was the screams of my parents who were arguing.My brother never cared about it and preferred to play on his cellphone, and my little brother who always makes things worse with his ridiculous requests.

"THIS ALL IS YOUR FAULT! None of this would have happened if you had never lived."

And in the end they will just throw all that frustration at me. Blaming me for everything that has happened. But they still ask me

"Why is home being the most boring place in your life" They easily asked me that even though it was clear that this was all because of their own behavior.

Do not know how long I should wait for it again but honestly... "I'm lost in my mind now, If it were possible to die I would definitely do it." Unfortunately my family doesn't allow me to do it because there is still so much they want me to do.

But I know that I was born for this.

Link Video (:

https://youtu.be/__nSEzT1VzY?si=JyN_i1ey5VMgthf_