Dramatic Child Stars

Twelve.

Percy,
July 22, 2021,
8:13 pm.

I don't get super involved in Riley's business if I can help it. In fact, there are times when I've wanted to speak up, and I've chosen not to. I've kept my lips sealed even as I've watched the disastrous consequences unfold. I've watched Riley crash and burn when I knew better more times than I can count.

One time, when I was barely 17 and Riley was 15, I found out that Riley planned on sneaking out of the studio early with a girl who was guest starring as his love interest on the show. I didn't know the full plan, but I knew he'd gotten an aid to leave a door open for him. I knew that Riley hadn't ever actually kissed someone off screen before. I also knew he was an idiot and the door he planned on sneaking out through had a camera. I could have told him and kept him out of trouble, but when I attempted to approach the subject, he brushed me off and I chose to be offended rather than push it. Security caught him on the way out and then Riley's mom showed up and made a huge loud mess of things.

Another time, just a few years ago I watched as Riley got punched in the face at a bar. He'd been bickering with the guy that ultimately punched him for a while. Riley was belligerently drunk and had been for the entire interaction. I remembered thinking he was going to get punched about 4 minutes before it happened. Maybe I'm a slightly less than great person because I didn't warn him. I just let the situation play itself out.

In a broader sense, choosing not to intervene every single time Riley made a bad choice was an act of self preservation. It was exhausting to try and control Riley. He had always made it clear that he intended to do things his way regardless of the consequences. I couldn't just spend all my time cleaning up after him. It was too much for another single person to manage.

This time though, his mess was weighing heavily on my shoulders. The fact that I couldn't shake it was beginning to feel pervasive. I didn't really have many choices except to ignore it, or to face it head on. I was going to have to feel it either way.

After my private music lesson, I checked my phone for messages from Riley. I didn't expect any since his phone lived either on the floor or on the charger in the kitchen where I kept placing it for him, but I still checked. When I saw there were no messages, I made the educated guess that he was likely asleep. Then I started my car and drove in a direction I wasn't particularly fond of driving.

I felt like my action was more of a compulsion than it was an active choice. Riley's words echoed in my brain. I couldn't get them to stop, not even with my regular focus that I carried during music lessons. His simple statement just elicited so much empathy out of me.

"Joey's literally just a kid."

The jail was not particularly busy. I definitely hadn't expected it to be since it was just a random Thursday evening. The parking lot was lined with police cars and otherwise empty spots, so I found a place to pull in easily. Since it was already running into the evening, I made quick work of getting inside. Through all of this, I was grumbling in a quite annoyed manner to myself. I really was just incredibly frustrated with my own inability to say no.

I know it's controversial, but I've always kind of liked police. I'm privileged in that they're often very kind and helpful for me. I've had to work to build a rapport with the city police in order to ensure Riley gets the easy treatment whenever he gets into trouble. It sounds kind of bad, objectively. It sounds like I'm exploiting privilege to get what I want actually, but if the alternative is letting Riley lose everything then I consider the slight relationship I've built with the police a good and necessary thing.

I wasn't here for Riley though. Not directly anyways, although Riley was obviously the motivator.

I was greeted at the desk by a cheery officer named Aiden, who I'd spoken with before. I'd actually tentatively called him when I left home, before my lesson. He handed me a packet of papers, which included the report from our break in just a few nights prior. I took my time reading through that, as well as the other relevant papers he gave me. At the end of them, I had to sign a few things, making promises I had no way of keeping. When I handed them back to Aiden, he said a few very important legal things to me that I barely registered. Then I paid a hefty fee and stepped back from the desk to wait.