Dramatic Child Stars

Thirty-One

Ryland,
July 29, 2021,
3:39 am.

Forgive me if it sounds obsessive of me, but I'd like to talk about my sister. It feels necessary. She's really backed me into a corner anyways. I have to mention her now.

We're twins.

I know I've mentioned that before, but it really does matter. For as long as I've been alive with the exception of a few minutes between births, Bryn has always been there. We were two halves of something incomplete on its own. We literally shared a room for almost 9 years. More often than not when we were really small, we literally slept in each others beds. There was a time my mother even dressed us up regularly in complimenting outfits. We played together. We learned everything about being alive together. We learned to walk within days of eachother (Bryn first) and the same can be said about talking (Me first). My first word was sissy. There has never been a day where I've not been metaphorically and physically reaching out for my sister in the world.

Bryn taught me a lot about math. Math wasn't really I'm my homeschool curriculum, but from early on Bryn and I knew that our mother had different visions for how we were supposed to be in the world and so she noted that I was lacking math. We made a deal when we were seven and Bryn taught me to count, add and subtract that year. In return, I politely taught her how to tie her shoes. I taught her to do it the regular way and the bunny ear way. I think Bryn still ties hers the bunny ear way because of me. She also taught me about rocks. I don't know why rocks were such a big deal in first grade, but they learned about rock science and Bryn brought home the little flip book she made about the different types of rocks. I thought it was fascinating. In return for that, I taught her how to public speak infront of other people. She had her first school presentation that year, but I'd been the center of attention on sets forever. I told her to pretend she wasn't herself. That's what I liked about acting. I didn't have to be me.

She got an A.

Before we moved houses, I remember complaining that Bryn and I were going to be getting our own rooms. I know it's odd for siblings not to want their own rooms, but I wanted her there. I was actually a little devastated that she wouldn't be there, and I was tired of the patronizing questions from adults asking me if I was excited to be losing my roommate.

I cried about this particular issue to Bryn once. We were in our room at bed time and I wasn't exactly sobbing or anything but I was crying a little bit to myself in bed. Bryn got out of her bed and got in to mine with me, which was something she didn't do near as often since the bad day when I was 6.

"I don't want to be alone," I remember telling her.

And she said, "Riley I'll still sleep in your room if you want."

I fully intended to take her up on that, but then I had another interaction that really ruined things for us. A week before the move, Bryn got out of school early and my mom had to bring her along to set to pick me up.

I was in the back with Darnell. I don't need to say what was happening before they got there because it doesn't really matter, but I was feeling a bit volatile already. They came in and Darnell told them I still needed to change out of Josiah's clothes. Bryn smiled at me and told me to hurry up and then walked back out, my mother and Darnell following. I stripped my way out of the rest of my clothes quickly and then rushed out to follow as fast as I could.

Darnell was in the hall waiting. I wanted to rush back to Bryn, but Darnell touched my shoulder and I froze because I was a scared child and that's just how I tended to act.

"Your sister is lovely," he told me. "Shes pretty like you are. It's a shame about that thing on her face."

I don't remember saying anything to him in response to that, but he wasn't done.