Lost

"Younger me"

If you knew the young me you knew I love to laugh and play, as a child I never knew how to express my emotions and tell anybody how I feel. Living with my grandmother and my older sister wasn't bad but since my mom had us young seeing her was limited because she was in school and at work.

I already felt like an outcast in my family because the color of my skin, hair and eye color. I was always teased saying that I was adopted or I was albino but when your family jokes about that constantly they don't realize how much it hurts, yeah we was young but I did start to believe I didn't belong in the family.

It was bad enough majority of my dad side rejected me, yeah it hurt even my own grandma didn't want anything to deal with me. I never understood why they hate me so much and I was literally a reflection of my father. Like how you hate me but you love your son and he neglecting his father duties because drinking and getting high off of cocaine was the things he love. To be honest my Louisiana family have more love then me then majority of my Houston family and that's why I call Louisiana my home because the love my family gives me is like no other and I'm able to come out my shell more being around them.

Back to living with my grandmother and older sister, it wasn't always easy. I was always pretty much left behind because they claimed that I was the youngest and you can smell the bullshit every time because why did my sister get to go to out aunts and cousins house every weekend and I had to stay back. She went to her dads house every chance and he would spend time with her and mines was just god knows somewhere high as fuck claiming my little sister, o i forgot to mention I'm the oldest on my dad side lol I met her when I was 13 and it was only because of my uncle. We are only a year and a day apart, they claim we have other siblings and I won't be surprised if I do because I still haven't met majority of my family and honestly I'm okay with that.

It got bearable living at my grandmother house, I started to act out more only because I wasn't getting attention. If you want the truth my older sister got more attention then I did, we use to argue like any siblings. I remember us fighting over washing dishes because we were supposed to rotate and she didn't like food touching her hands so she always got to rinse. We were fighting over the soap and when she slammed the bottle soap got in my eye, of course I started crying and I ran to my grandmother but we both ended up getting a whooping. Another incident she didn't want me playing with her easy back oven so when I tried to go to the basement she slammed my fingers in the door trying to prevent me from getting it and we still ended up getting in trouble but I never understood why I got in trouble when she started majority of it.

One day she left to go to her dads house and I got it, I ended up breaking it and of course she was upset but ha you should of let me play with it. Truth be told I hate the dark, one day my cousin was watching me, my sister and her sister while our grandmother and their mom with grocery shopping. I guess I was acting out cause nobody wanted to play with me so I got push on punishment and I had to stand in the corner in the pitch black by myself until I calmed down. I hated it because my face would have to be in the corner and I always felt like someone was watching me and being little and crying did not make it better cause eventually I began to hate staying there I just wanted my mom.