Lost

"Younger me cont"

I got to a point I started hated myself, the only way I can escape my thoughts was through my instruments. I was musically inclined, I played piano, the violin and trumpet. I started playing the piano when I was 3 and my sister was 7 at that time, our music teacher was our great aunt and when I tell you practice was everyday it was literally every day. We didn't have any breaks, my aunt was more harder on me and I never understood why. Once I saw the notes it was embedded in my head I never needed the book or music sheet to look at the notes. Even after church on Sunday's I was practicing I matter what and she would stand right there and critique my posture and what I was doing wrong.

I stop playing violin in elementary school because my teacher died and I lost passion for it, my grandfather was an band director and he played the trumpet so he suggested I try it and I actually end up falling in love with it. I still played piano because that was my first love, I did recitals and I also had to play to get accepted in a magnet school and let's just say during my audition I had an audience and ended up getting accepted that day. I also was in dance at the same time, I ended up being the lead dancer for a concert was putting on and dancing with an umbrella the whole entire time is so tiring lol but I did it but afterwards, I had my piano recital after our dance concert and I was just in the 7th grade. I didn't stay long at the school because I was being bullied, I got kicked off the bus and ticketed because I threatened to beat somebody ass but hell they kept fucking with me.

I forgot to talk about my 6th grade year, I was in the concert band but I was only 6 of us and I was the only girl. We had to battle to see who would be the first chair trumpet and when I tell you when I was untouchable I made them boys sick to they stomachs, it was never beef we always laughed and they will say how they are going to get first chair but each week they failed and it was like music to my ears. One day we had a new student and he played the French horn, he was quiet never really talked but we never had issues it was like we was an band family. The teacher explained to him that we battle for first chair every week and he told me he was going to get my chair, so as bold as I was I was like baby no you not and you can feel the tension that day. Well let's just say he ended up beating me but one thing about me you not about to have my spot for long and let's just say the next week he was sitting 2nd chair cause baby one thing about me I'm going to get my spot back.

I never really had issues at that school but I did have two close friends at that time, it was good at the beginning but then one of them started to be racist towards us because the color of our skin so we thought we should teach her a lesson. When I got home, I got an old perfume bottle and put milk, eggs, lotion and some perfume in it and let it sit for a couple of days. The next day when it was time for us to go to class, me and my friend stood back and I poured it all in her locker. She found out it was us and cried to the teacher, when I tell you they had to replace her locker it was that bad and we ended up being charge with vandalism. I'm not going to lie I cried cause the girl was a bully but I never spoke up I just took matters in my own hands. I had to go to court and all I did was watch a video and my community service was completed, I didn't stay to long at that school so I was really school hopping but my mom thought I was go stay out of trouble lmao wrong 8th grade was were it really started.

8th grade I thought was going to be a breeze but yeah I was bullied too, I joined the basketball team just to keep occupied because at that time I did start staying with my mom and adjusting to life was a lot. I use to watch her and her husband at that time fight but it was mainly cause he kept putting his hands on her and she found out he was cheating. The home really wasn't a home we had our good days and we had our bad days. Trying to mask everything that was happening at home I took art class as well, I was trying to escape from life but it was tiring so every weekend I would go to my cousin house if I could.

I have a little brother that has autism and at that time to keep him alive he was on a breathing machine and when it went off I learned how to cut it back on and fix it to keep him alive, I remember running with him in my arms to my childhood house because my mom would tell me to run and don't look back because my step dad was drunk. Good thing his best friend love in the same complex cause that's who house I ran too every time they had an argument and I wouldn't go back till my mom came and got me.

School to me was just another day, basketball ball practice, art class and constantly hearing rumors that I was a lesbian because I wasn't dating any boys but majority of my close friends were boys, I only had a select few a girls I talked too because it was less drama. One day I found the girl who started the rumor and of course she apologized but it's like hoe you supposed to be in the 10th grade not the 8th grade but she ended up getting beat up by my best friend so a win is a win.

Everything was going well, I was still playing the piano and still playing basketball. One day I got off the bus and I don't know why till this day that these boys decided it was fun to hit me in my throat thought it was a game. I caught one of them as they was running, grabbed the back of his shirt and punched the back of his head and he ended up having a knot but I was pissed because I couldn't catch the other one. So much happened that day because I wasn't going to say anything but my throat was hurting and since my art teacher was actually my cousin they ended up telling her and we all got sent to the principal office. In the mist of all that shit I found out my uncle was killed by a drunk driver so i had a shitty day on top of the boy parents trying to press charges until they saw the video. All of us was sent to in house suspension but my desk was always outside the door because I just wanted to do my work and they was loud. The rest of the year was a breeze nobody messed with me after that so I was just ready to go to the 9th grade.

My 9th grade year ended up being shitty too because even though I was on the basketball team to help me cope with everything that's going on I had a fight with my best friend. She let the seniors hype her up and I told her to chill, so after she got in my face I backed up and told her to chill so she said we can fight. I'm not going to throw the first punch so I told her to run up and what she do run up and I popped her dead in her eye. I tried to avoid the conflict but since she wanted to be fly for the seniors she got a black eye at that. Fast forward I hated my 9th grade year cause my grandmother the one who help raised me died so everything just went down hill afterwards.

I went too two more high schools afterwards but I was also house hopping because my every time my cousins was done with the way I was acting, I was going between house to house and really it just added fuel to the fire. My cousin husband would constantly yell at me about my grades or the way I was crying and she would just sit there and watch so it just got to the point I wanted to live with my aunt because I'm reality she was safe space and thank god the second half of my junior year I ended up staying with her.