Unanswered Questions

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"Here you go, kiddo," one of the police officers said, handing me a notebook and pencil. She gave me a reassuring smile, even though it was of little use.

I'd just seen my parents get hauled away in a cop car. And even though it was my choice that put them there, I still felt guilty. I couldn't help but notice she was the only female out of the five police officers in my house. Something about her giving off a maternal, protective feeling, I would guess.

I was sitting on the couch with a pillow hugged to my chest, but I still accepted the notebook and pencil she gave. Her immaculate hair, nails, and straight, white teeth didn't fit in with the surroundings: the drab couches, the blackout curtains that even in the middle of the day didn't let in much light, the shattered glass from the TV. I shuddered at the memory and stood up, needing to be anywhere but here.

"Can I write this in my room?" I asked the woman.

She pursed her lips and looked up at another officer nearby, who shrugged. "Sure, kiddo."

I all but sprinted up the stairs as I escaped those officers, and once I was in my bedroom, I felt a little more safe. Like I could pretend that the past few hours were just a bad dream I woke up from.

Only, the notebook and pencil in my hand proved against it. I sat down at my desk, which until now I'd never really used, as I always did my homework at the kitchen table. But now? Now I had to use it. Because when the time comes, I wanted to be able to remember what right now I just wanted to forget.

I flipped open the front cover of the notebook and began to write.

Dear Future Me,

There's so much to write and too little time, so I'm going to remind you of the most important things. First, you're going to forget everything by choice and not because they're forcing you to. I know that that might be hard to understand, depending on what you go through, but I'm making this choice for you because it feels like its the only choice I'll be able to survive making. Maybe you want these memories, but I don't. At least, not right now. That's why I'm writing them out for you so that they won't be forgotten forever.

I don't know how much you'll forget, but I want to clear this up: mom and dad were great parents. Yes, they had some faults: they'd push me too far and only cared about my pain after I got hurt, but they loved me. They weren't good people though, and that's why I had to turn them in. It was easy to ignore it when I wasn't involved, but when they brought me to the warehouse that had seen far too many deaths, I couldn't sit by and do nothing. Maybe you think I'm brave. Or maybe you think I'm a coward. But either way, I couldn't sit by and watch them kill more people.

Just days after I was at that warehouse, I ran into a kid in our neighborhood. He said his name was Daniel, but I know he was lying. Either to protect himself or me, I wasn't sure. He somehow was able to guess my dilemma, and he brought me to an older man. His name was Judd. He promised he'd keep me safe if I'd turn in my parents. When the time comes, he said he'd give this to you.

That's where I'm going now. To live with Judd and 'Daniel'. The one who helped me. And even though I feel really guilty about turning in mom and dad, I feel as though I made the right choice. I hope you think so too.

There's so many things I'm scared you'll forget if I don't remind you, but I don't have the time to write them all down. So I'm going to write down as many as I can on the following pages, and hopefully they'll remind you of the rest.

I hope you get this notebook soon, because that means you'll be strong enough to remember. Stay with Judd, because I believe that everything he has done 'til you read this has been in your best interest.

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