GHOST GIRL ; scaramouche

IV

you feel like every day gets harder and harder. weekends and weekdays all blend together now. grades dropping, skipping meals, sleeping in class. everything is going downhill, but you saw it coming.

what you didn't expect, however- was for someone to notice.

"[Y/n].. you've been falling asleep everywhere, and you've been seeming a little off."

you and scaramouche had grown closer, making small talk when waiting for the train every now and then. did you consider him a friend? well.. not really, even so.

"haha, i've just been staying up a little more than usual," you answered, which was technically not a lie. "it's a bad habit."

"i mean, if you say so. i'm just concerned about you, that's all." he said, much to his surprise as well as yours. 'nothing personal', he had told himself.

the little things like how you would always be alone, or hesitate before even entering a classroom. always tired, and skipping lunch more often. thinking of it now, it's a little weird on why he was paying so much attention to you in the first place.

you paused for a second in surprise, not expecting someone to notice anything. truth be told, you felt like the brutal pace of life was too hard to catch up with.

you began to realise that you weren't gonna make it out of this. that any day now, you'd disappear into the world of the non-living.

"[Y/n]. you're my friend, right?" he asks. he almost could not believe the words that had escaped from his mouth in that moment.

your heart sped up a little, stunned that he actually thought of you as a friend. when it comes to popularity, he's not half-bad himself. and you had to be.. rock bottom of the social ladder, to put it simply.

"uh, yeah. why?"

"promise me you won't go." he sighed.

"go where..?" you tried to laugh it off, "i'll always be here.."

you met his dead serious gaze, and immediately shut up.

"you can't fool me, [y/n]. just.. please don't die."

that's not usually a request someone asks. but he felt like he had to say it. everyday, he swears you grow more distant, like if he takes his eyes off of you for even a second you'll disappear forever.

"and who are you to ask that? you wouldn't understand." you stated, who was he to say any of that? he was someone you've barely known for a month and now he's all in your business..

"i care about you, [y/n]. more than i'd like to admit. i want you to live on."

"i will, i promise."

you lied through your teeth. you were going to die, you knew it. and, a part of you thinks he knew too.

he averted his eyes to the train schedule, and saw the word 'cancelled' on it.

"[Y/n]. the train has been cancelled.."

"oh fuck.. what do we do?" you stressed, not wanting to talk through the midsummer heat..

"walk."

//

consequently, the two of you had to walk through the scorching sun for half an hour. it was seriously making you question why you didn't just jump onto the tracks before.

mentally going through what to write in your suicide note, scaramouche interrupted your 'train of thought'.

"why do you want to die, [y/n]?"

"because i don't want to live, not like this." you spoke, calmly. you felt oddly at peace with him.

"but it's not forever. you'll make it out of here. i just don't see why you would give up your life over something." he reasons, trying to give you something, a reason to make you stay.

"everything will always be the same. if in ten, twenty years, i'll still be the same person, unhappy with life. i don't want to see that far. i don't want to think anymore. i don't want to live."

"you'll get better." he argues.

"i don't want to get better anymore."

"what does.. what does that mean?" he questions, confused. someone who doesn't want to recover?

"it's too much effort. i just want to end it all and be through with it." you clarified. your words felt numb and cold. "i have nothing left here to stay for." you mumbled.

"Yeah you do. I want you here." he admits. the words fall on your ears gently. even just the fact that someone cares enough to want you to stay alive makes you feel.. happy?

it's a strange feeling of comfort, but not one you dislike. your face grows a little hot when he says that.

scaramouche might not be your saving grace, or knight in shining armour. but he's still someone you want to live for, and live with.

and when he places a kiss on your lips, you know it's true.