ilu | chris sturniolo

CHAPTER 28

my first show. and i'm freaking out. i'm having a panic attack and i can't find chris. i have never done a show before and i'm freaking. i'm so pathetic. i sat back stage in the dressing room on the couch. "breath." i said to myself. nope that's not working. i need chris here, he knows how to calm me down. he texted me that he was 5 minutes away but i feel like that i'm about to pass out.

in the mean time while i waited to chris to try to calm me down i started to space out. that happens sometimes. i space out. "hey hey" i heard chris say which broke my space out thing. i turned to him with tears in my eyes. "what happened?" he said to making little circles on my leg trying to calm me down.

"i can't do it. i, scared let's say they won't like me-" "first off breath." he said. i too a deep breath. "all those people that are in that crowd are here to see you. not anyone else's because they love you. not more then me though but they do love you a lot and they love your music." i nodded my head. i went into his arms and said "thank you" i said in his arms. "of course anything for you" he kissed the top of my head.

"i love you" i said. "i love more" he said. he's been saying that a lot lately. i love you more. i don't think i have ever felt this way for anyone ever. i love him.

"jules?" my producer said. i looked up form chris' chest "were ready when you are" he said. i smile and i got up from chris' chest. i was about to walk out from the door when chris pulled me back and pulled me in for a kiss. i smiled. "you got this." i walked up the stairs to the stage and made sure that my ear piece was in.

i heard the music started to play. the crowd went wild. i started to sing from back stage like we rehearsed

"hey, this is a story I hate" i stopped sentence.the crowd is going nuts. "and telling it might make me break.but I'll tell it anyway" i said walking on stage. "this chapter's about how you said there was nobody else then you got up and went to her house you guys always left me out" i sang. i can't believe that the whole crowd knew the words to the song. i really couldn't believe it.

once i started the course the whole crowd sang it at the top of their lungs. i stopped and said "sing it out for me boston!" pointing the microphone at him. and they sang. this is crazy.

once the song was over i said. "hi! how are we feeling tonight?" i said. they all screamed. "i have a couple of friends in the audience and i just wanted this say thank you so much for being here. with you guys i would probably nit be here so thank you" i said looking up at chris,matt,nick,sabs and madi.

"so i have this song. and it's not out yet. i was hoping that i could play it for you guys?" i asked the crowd. they all screamed. "i'm gonna take that as a yes!"

"it's called difficult" i said. the beat started to play in the background of me starting to sing

My double vision, Is only amplifying everything he isn't, 'Til I feel less attached and bored to death, but listen,It's no one's fault, it's just my terrible condition, And I've been thinkin' if I move out this year, I'll feel my parents slipping, Away and also I'm just scared of that commitment, I really think sometimes there's something that I'm missing, Oh, I know spiraling is miserable,I should probably go back home, Why does that feel difficult, difficult? Oh, I hope I wake up invisibleI'd be someone no one knows,I guess I'm just difficult,To name this feeling" i sang the first verse. i can't believe they new these lyrics too. it's unreal i can't believe it. it's not out yet how do they know the words? i thought to myself and continued to sing.

Would take a hundred thousand years, some kind of grieving, But over what I never had, so I've been speaking, To my therapist, I call her every weekend, I meant to tell you, How I've hated how we left things when it fell through,'Cause you were everything to me, where did you run to?, Was it something that I said that colored you blue?Oh, I know spiraling is miserable
I should probably go back home, Why does that feel difficult, difficult?Oh, I hope I wake up invisible, I'd be someone no one knows, I guess I'm just difficult, difficult, Difficult, Difficult, I've been drinking, And staying up too late reliving bad decisions
I thought eventually my ranting here would fix it, I really think sometimes there's something that I'm missing, Oh, I know spiralling is miserable, I should probably go back home, Why does that feel difficult, difficult? Oh, I hope I wake up invisible
I'd be someone no one knows,I guess I'm just difficult, difficult, Oh, I know spiraling is miserable, I should probably go back home, Why does that feel difficult, difficult?Oh, I hope I wake up invisible,I'd be someone no one knows
I guess I'm just difficult, difficult" i sang the rest of the song.