Transformers Oneshots/Headcannons [CLOSED] (#2)

Optimus x Ratchet (Tw, Human au)

(TW: Smoking, drinking, self harm, depression, loss of a friend, death.)

Prompt/s: Optimus smokes, heavily. He does it to ease stress and its become a bad habit. His lover, Ratchet a medic hates it because it can kill Optimus. Optimus is depressed because of the strain of his work and leading the autobots, sometimes he'll drink or cut himself and then show no emotions afterwards.
Magnus is wandering why Ratchet doesn't do anything about Optimus' behaviors and Rqtchet replies with a sad "He don't wanna be saved."
(Song inspo: No role modelz + The night we met)
No happy ending for yall
—————————————————————————————
Optimus sat alone in his quarters, cigarette smoke filling the room as he took another drag. He knew he shouldn't be smoking, especially not as much as he was, but it was the only thing that seemed to calm him down lately. He had been under a lot of stress lately, with the constant battles and the responsibility of leading the Autobots. It was taking a toll on him, and he didn't know how to cope. Ratchet had been trying to get him to quit smoking for ages, but Optimus just couldn't seem to kick the habit. He knew it was bad for him, but it was the only thing that seemed to ease his mind. But smoking wasn't the only thing he was doing to cope. Sometimes he would drink, or even cut himself. He knew it was dangerous, but in the moment, it was the only thing that made him feel alive. Ratchet was worried about him, of course. He was a medic, after all, and he knew the toll that these habits could take on a human!s body. But he didn't know what to do. He couldn't force Optimus to stop, and he didn't want to push him away by being too overbearing. At the moment Ratchet was simply sitting by Optimus and reading, Optimus sighed softly and stood up moving to the window to smoke instead. "....why dont you take a breath, love?..." Ratchet asked softly, he looked up from his book and stared at Optimus pleading with his blue eyes for his lover to stop smoking at least for a little bit. The prime looked over his shoulder, dark circles under his eyes and dull eyes looking over at Ratchet as the always common bandages over the lower parts of his arms bleed slightly from a few deeper cuts. Optimus knew that Ratchet was just trying to help, but he couldn't bring himself to stop smoking. It was the only thing that seemed to ease the constant tension in his chassis. He walked over to Ratchet, taking a seat next to him on the couch. "I'm sorry," he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. Ratchet looked at him, concern etched on his face. "What for, love?" he asked gently. "For everything," Optimus replied, his voice cracking. "For being a terrible leader, for putting everyone in danger, for not being able to cope with the stress. I'm sorry for all of it." Ratchet reached out and took Optimus's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You're not a terrible leader, Optimus. You're doing the best you can in a difficult situation. And as for the rest of it, we'll work through it together. You don't have to face it alone." Optimus' dark eyes looked at the hand on his and he felt a tear fall from his eyes before he shook his head and pulled away leaning out the window and holding his head in his hands. Eventually Ratchet sighed softly and kissed Optimus' cheek before going to bed, Optimus stayed up working like most nights before finally joining his lover in bed after changing so the cigarette smell didnt make Ratchet wake though he knew at this point the medic was used to it. As Optimus lay in bed next to Ratchet, he couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness that seemed to be consuming him lately. He had lost so many friends and allies in the war, and the weight of their loss was always on his mind. It was hard to keep going, to keep leading the Autobots, when all he could think about was the pain he had endured and the pain that was yet to come. He reached for his pack of cigarettes, but stopped himself. He knew that Ratchet was right, that he needed to find a better way to cope. But how could he when everything seemed so hopeless?

Magnus had noticed Optimus's behavior, and he couldn't understand why Ratchet wasn't doing more to help him. He approached the medic one day, asking him why he wasn't intervening. "Don't save him," Ratchet replied, his voice heavy with sadness. "He doesn't want to be saved..." He added softly looking over at Optimus drinking a small drink and working, Magnus looked at Optimus with concern, seeing the way he seemed to be shutting down. He knew that something needed to be done, but he didn't know what. The days passed, and Optimus continued to struggle with his addiction and depression. Ratchet did what he could to help, but it seemed like nothing was working. Magnus watched from the sidelines, feeling helpless and unsure of what to do.

One day, as Optimus was sitting alone in his quarters, a memory flashed through his mind. It was of a friend he had lost in battle, someone he had been close to. The pain of their loss hit him like a ton of bricks, and he felt himself sinking deeper into despair. He got up and went to the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror, scars littered his bare chest and the thin white lines all the way up his arms a reminder of what he was about to do. His hair was a mess, the dark blue hair all fluffed up and messy and the dark circles under his eyes added to his dreadful appearance. He searched around the bathroom before finding it, a small razor blade hidden beneath some other items. "Damn it Ratchet..." He sighed softly, he knew his lover tried to hide the blade so he woukdnt hurt himself anymore but even knowing that Ratchet tried hurt him. He took the blade and pressed it to his skin, feeling the sharp sting of pain as he made another cut. He knew it was wrong, that it was only making things worse, but he couldn't stop himself. As he continued to cut, tears streaming down his face, he suddenly felt a presence behind him. He turned to see Ratchet standing there, his expression filled with concern and sadness. Without a word, Ratchet took the blade from Optimus's hand and threw it in the disposal unit. He wrapped his arms around Optimus, holding him close as tears ran down the medics face. "I'm sorry," Optimus whispered, his voice barely audible. "I'm sorry for everything." He said quietly, but there was no emotion behind his eyes or voice like always. Ratchet just cried harder and clung to Optimus "...I had all and then most of you....some and now none of you..." He said softly , referencing the song that had been playing in his head. "I don't want to lose you too," he added, his voice breaking. Optimus just stood there, numb and emotionless. He knew that he needed help, but he didn't know if he was ready to accept it. He didn't know if he was ready to face the demons that were consuming him.

Days turned into weeks, and Optimus continued to struggle. Ratchet did what he could to help, but it seemed like nothing was working. Magnus watched from the sidelines, feeling helpless and unsure of what to do. Ratchet tried everything from hiding and getting rid of all the cigarettes and razors in the base to trying to get Optimus on a withdrawal program from drinking yet non of it worked, he felt like he was slowly loosing the man he loved and it was killing him. Ratchet would break down often and just sob, even Wheeljack tried to help Optimus seeing how badly it was effecting Ratchet, Optimus grew worse by rarely showing emotions and now moving to reopening past scars which made him nearly die several times. It was a dark and stormy night when everything came to a head. Optimus had been drinking heavily, and Ratchet knew that he needed to intervene. He found Optimus in his quarters, passed out on the floor with a half-empty bottle of alcohol next to him. Ratchet sighed heavily, knowing that he needed to act fast. He called for help and they quickly took Optimus to the medbay, where they worked to stabilize him. The next few days were a blur of worry and fear as Optimus fought for his life. Ratchet stayed by his side the entire time, praying that he would pull through.

But in the end, Optimus was never the same.

Optimus was confined to the medbay after finally waking up, and one day he was much sicker. Ratchet rushed over to try and help but Optimus simply shook his head slightly and grabbed Ratchet's hand, for once his eyes weren't as dull as normal and there was a glimmer of regret in his eyes. "Let me go, love." Optimus said simply, his voice quiet. Ratchet felt his heart break as he looked down at Optimus, tears falling down his face. He knew that Optimus was in a lot of pain, both physically and emotionally, and he didn't want to let him go. But he also knew that he couldn't keep living like this, that he couldn't keep hurting himself and those around him. "I can't," Ratchet whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "I can't let you go, Optimus. I love you too much." Optimus just smiled weakly, his hand still holding onto Ratchet's. "I love you too, Ratchet. But it's time for me to go. I can't keep living like this, hurting myself and everyone around me." Ratchet felt his heart shatter as he heard that. "No! Nonono please Optimus!- please let me save you!" Ratchet begged trying to get his hand away so he could save his lover. But Optimus just shook his head. "I don't want to be saved, Ratchet. It's too late for me." And with that, Optimus slipped away, leaving Ratchet alone and heartbroken.

Magnus watched from the sidelines, feeling his own heart break as he saw the pain in Ratchet's eyes. He knew that there was nothing he could do, that Optimus was gone and Ratchet was left to pick up the pieces. As he walked away, he couldn't help but think of the lyrics from the song that had been playing in his head.

I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you.
Take me back to the night we met.

————————————————————————————
NO HAPPY ENDING FOR YOU ALL >:]
this is also one of the longest one shots i've ever written-