FireBorn (Criminal Minds/ Chicago Fire fanfic)

Chapter 19

Firehouse 51, Chicago Illinois 

The drive back to the house was a blur, Eli was lost in her mind staring blankly at her mug of coffee as her mind wandered back to the morning she found Roslyn in the bathroom that morning after she took their dad's straight razor...

"Hey, heard you had a rough call. You okay?" Herrman asked her taking a seat next to her. "yea, I'm great," Eli replied forcing a smile across her face. "Elizabeth, Chief Boden, and deputy district Chief Tiberg are looking for you in Chief Boden's office," Connie said walking into the room. Eli stood up, "Thanks Connie," she replied as she walked passed the woman and made her way to Boden's office. 

The meeting didn't take long Eli and Lieutenant Severide went over what happened on their last call with Boden and the deputy district chief who basically told her she did everything right and that after the incident report was written up it would all be said and done. Basically, the CFD assuring Eli she wasn't at fault for the suicide she couldn't prevent on their last call. 

After their meeting Eli left Boden's office, her mind continuing to play that morning on repeat years ago. The blonde made her way to the locker room and grabbed her stuff to take a shower, the 1 place he could for sure be alone and the best place to cry in private. Plus the sound of the running water blocked out her sniffles and cries. Eli stepped into the shower letting the warm water wash over her body as she slowly let her body sink to the floor pressing her back against the cool tiled walls. 

Gabby scrubbed the showers her 1st shift at 51 not that Eli really cared how dirty the showers were. All she cared about was making the images of the man's crushed skull on the sidewalk surrounded by blood. So much blood... like the morning she found her older sister before school. Eli wrapped her arms around her frame as tears fell from her eyes, she wasn't sure how long she'd been there for but the sound of the intercom calling Truck and Ambo to a call pulled her back. 

Eli switched the shower off and grabbed her towel from the hook outside the shower wrapping herself up and drying off. The blonde changed back into her uniform and put her stuff back in her locker. "Hey New York, someone out front looking for you," Tony said catching her attention as she made her way down the hall. "Okay, um thanks," Eli replied softly before pushing the double doors to the apparatus floor open and stepping out to see JJ, Will, and Henry who was pointing at the squad truck. 

The sight of Henry brought a smile to Eli's face as she ran towards her nephew, "Aunty Eli!!!!" he squealed as she held him in a tight hug. "I missed you," he said as she let him go, "I missed you too buddy," Eli said trying to hide the sadness in her voice. "Hey, Henrey why don't you see if Aunt Eli will let you sit in the firetruck?" Will asked. Eli smiled, "I don't know, your gonna have to ask Lieutenant Severide if that's okay," the blonde replied looking at her lieutenant for his permission. 

"You wanna sit in the firetruck?" Severide asked Henry who nodded, "Then what are we waiting around for," he said as he opened the driver's door of the rig and Tony hopped in and Severide lifted Henry up into the seat. Eli smiled at the sight as JJ took a photo, "How are you doing? JJ told me about the robbery, Nice shiner," Will said earning a light laugh from her. "I'm great, and thanks it brings out the coulor of my eyes," Eli replied joking with a light laugh before her smile fell. 

Eli found herself staring off at the floor for a moment getting sucked back into the call from earlier. She shook it off lifting her gaze and being met by her older sister and Will who both noticed she'd dissociated. "You okay?" JJ asked while Eli looked at Henry, Tony, and Severide in the truck before she nodded her head yes. "Just a rough call earlier is all," Eli replied softly. "Wanna talk about it?" Will asked, "Not really, not here at least," Eli replied softly. 

"How about we grab breakfast after shift," JJ suggested, Eli nodded. "Sure, yea but I gotta train for the rest of the afternoon, for the tournament," she replied. JJ pulled Eli into a hug while Tony helped Henry out of the truck handing him to Will. "Thanks for stopping by and bringing this little man," Eli said as Henry ran over and hugged her. "Any time, look if you need to talk just give me a call," JJ said picking up that something was wrong with Eli. 

The blonde nodded, "I will," She replied with a smile as Will gave her a hug and they said their goodbyes. Eli made her way through the double doors inside and made her way into the empty common room. Truck and Ambo got sent to a call and Sqad wasn't needed I guess so Squad essentially had the entire firehouse until they got back or got called. 

Eli stood pouring herself a coffee trying to think about anything other than their last call, or Roslyn but she couldn't. The entire thing made her just want to get high so her mind would slow down. As Eli poured her coffee she thought about the white powdery substance she'd been clean from for over a year. She shook the thought and let out a shaky breath, "Hey, how are you holding up?" Severide asked as he leaned on the counter next to her before picking up a cup and pouring himself a mug of coffee. "I'm alright, I guess," she replied looking at her lieutenant already knowing he was asking how she was doing with the call they had earlier. 

"I know Boden and Tiberg already went over that if you need to talk to anyone the CFD has resources available and I'm always around if you wanna talk to me, if not. No sweat," Severide told her. "I appreciate that, but I'm good. I'm focusing on battle of the badges, and proving to you smoke eaters I can make it past the 1st round," Eli replied noticing the betting board had bets that she wouldn't make it past the 1st round. 

"Oh really, Take a look at the board," her lieutenant replied causing her to walk over to the chart noticing Severide, Capp and Tony were all betting she'd make it into the 2nd round. "Good choice on your part, " Eli replied not sure what else to say as she took a seat at the table beginning to think back about her necklace that was stolen and Roslyn, which lead her mind back to the morning she found her. The memory made her want to rail a line, go numb, and feel nothing, Eli pushed the thought away and pulled out her phone thinking about messaging Antonio. 

Eli thought about it realizing if she messaged him about her craving to use again he'll naturally ask what caused it other than the Morphine she was given on her way to Med and did she really wanna tell him about Roslyn.