Unwanted -- Tony Stark's Daughter

Chapter 4

Blood? Was there blood on my thigh? I thought I didn't cut. Wait. It was probably just my period. "Oh. I must have gotten my period. Do we have any tampons at home?" Dad looked like he didn't believe me for a second, but luckily changed his mind. "I think we do. Do I need to go to the store to grab you some stuff?" Does he? I need some stuff, but I'll get it myself later today. "No there's no need for that." He looked uncomfortable. "Are you sure you're fine? I can call Pepper to go home?" Call mom? Like I want to bother her. She's working right now. She already takes so much time off work for me. "Oh no. There's no need for that. I have a bit of a headache, but it's basically nothing." Dad seemed to relax. "I'll drop you off at home. Do you need me to stay with you?" No. Definitely not. "No, there's no need for that." He turned to me. "You know what's missing? Music." Back in Black from AC/DC started playing.

When we arrived at the tower, where we've lived for 2 years, I thanked dad for driving me. He looks slightly concerned. "Are you sure you're fine all by yourself?" I really really didn't want to bother dad. "Yes, I feel fine. No need to worry about me." I definitely wasn't fine, but oh well. Who actually cares about that? "Okay, if you're sure Carmen. Call me if you need me. Bye honey!" And gone he was.

I walked inside and I really hoped there were no Avengers in the tower. I decided to just check. "Jarvis?" The AI immediately answers. "Hello Carmen. What can I do for you?" "Are there any Avengers in the tower currently?" Jarvis takes a few seconds and then answers. "Ms Romanoff is in the training room. She's the only Avenger currently in the tower." Fuck. "Thank you, Jarvis." Shit. If Nat comes up, she will definitely know everything. Or have I learned to hide things good enough? I mean no one has noticed the scars on the inside of my thigh. Well, I'll just go up to my room.

And so I did. I sat there feeling horrible. I listened to Flash, but would he now leave Peter alone? And Flash liked me? As in the loner girl that nobody really likes? It sounds like a joke. And I left my friends alone, again. Jeez I hate myself. Then I got a really bad urge. I wanted to grab a razor blade and just cut my thighs open. I wanted to at least draw my nails into a piece of skin. I needed the pain. I paced around my room with way too much energy. Energy to hurt myself. I try to fight the urge, but it's too strong. I gave in and walked to my bathroom that has the door in my room. I opened the top drawer under the sink and immediately saw a box with razor blades. I took three and went back to my room. Okay, I'm going to cut myself again, but nobody can find out. Maybe the bathroom is the safer option? I can do it in the shower and just wash the blood away. Okay, bathroom it is.

I sat on the edge of my bath and tried to talk myself out of it. "You don't need to do it. Your friends don't hate you. You're not unwanted." It didn't work. That's when I brought the razor blade to the inside of my thigh. I didn't want to go to deep the first time. The pain was there, but it was not enough. There were only a few drops of blood. Also not enough. I took it to my leg for a second time and I really pushed the blade in. It immediately felt way better. I could feel all my thoughts ebbing away and I got a feeling of calm. I went for another, because the feeling was just too addicting. Feeling that calm feeling, but also finally being in control of your own pain. Being able to decide when you feel pain and how much pain you will feel then. Feeling as tho you are free. The feeling that everything will be okay, even though you know it's not.

I looked at the three fresh cut and I realized I want to do more. I saw the blood dripping from 2 cuts, and I felt satisfaction. Then the guilt comes. I was clean. Not for very long, but I was clean. One weak moment, only one, and all your progress is gone. Like it was never even there.
I didn't have anything to clean up my wounds, so I just dabbed up the blood with toilet paper. Someone once told me that it would cause infection, but I don't know what else to do. And I have never gotten it infected. I placed toilet paper on the wounds until it kind of stopped bleeding. The first cut stopped really fast, but the second cut was bleeding the most. I wasn't sure if it would be stopped by waiting for a couple of minutes, but what choice do I have?

I decided to just put on my sweatpants and a black hoody. My sweatpants were black, obviously. I'm not that dumb. I walked into the kitchen and immediately saw Nat sitting there. "Carmen, what are you doing here? Don't you have school?" I should explain. I don't want to. "I didn't feel very well. I just got my period." I sat down on one the kitchen island and hope I don't bleed that much. Now I suddenly remembered. "Nat, I will be right back. I forgot to put in a tampon." Nat looked like she was thinking. "Okay Carmen." And then I walked away. Up to my room again.

I went to pee and put in a tampon, because I was also bleeding from my vagina. Not only from my thigh. Then I checked if my thigh was bleeding really bad. It looked like it wouldn't bleed for much longer. I decided to just go back down again. I walked into the kitchen and saw Nat still sitting there. I jumped up to sit on the island again, but when I did, I stretched my thigh. I tried to not make it obvious that I was in pain, but Nat still noticed. "Where does it hurt? What happened?" I needed to come up with a believable lie. "It's just cramps. So annoying." Nat looked like she didn't really believe me.

My thigh really hurt. I went to touch it without Nat noticing, but when I looked at my hand after touching my thigh, I noticed it turned red. My hand was red. There was blood on my hand. Fuck. Fuck. Okay how could I get this off, without Nat getting suspicious? That's not possible. I am just completely and utterly fucked.

Hey everyone!
This chapter probably was really triggering for some people. It kinda was triggering for me too, but I love to trigger myself. I would appreciate it if you vote+commented!

What's your favorite color? Mine is dark green!

X Lianne