Tough Love, Johnny Cade (Jally)

Fourteen: Nothing At All

I wasn't really sure what a kiss was supposed to feel like, but it felt right.

The way his lips crashed into mine was passionate, yet gentle. I know that's not a very good explanation, but I'd never been kissed before. Dally, was probably rather experienced.

But anyway, I wasn't very focused on that at the moment because my calm atmosphere had vanished. In a sudden panic I pulled away. Dally did, same as I had, his face slowly changing as he realized what he'd done.

What just happened? Why'd he do that?

My mind was racing, as I studied his expression. He glanced at my lips for the second time before saying, "Johnny..."

My next thought was; Why did I pull away?

Suddenly I was pulling his face towards mine, without much thought. Dally kissed me back, his lips tear-salted. When we pulled apart slowly, I met Dallas' eyes. He moved his thumb across my face, and I realized he was wiping away a tear. I hadn't noticed myself crying. I studied Dally's features; his unkept hair, his lynx like nose, his cracked lips, his neat eyebrows, his dark eye sockets, and his pale, cold eyes. Dally took a deep, shaken breath before trying again.

"Johnny?" He said.

I found myself shaking my head no, slowly. For some reason, the first thing I could think of saying was; "Dally, you aren't drunk this time, right?"

Dally stifled a quiet laugh. "No, Johnny, I'm not drunk this time." I realized he was still crying a little too. His sad smile faded, and he frowned in the faint orange glow of a distant streetlight. He met my eyes wearily.

"Johnny," he said, shaking his head in confusion. "why did you kiss me back?"

I looked at him for a long moment. His eyes moved away from mine. He looked at the fence in the yard.

"Well," I whispered, "why did you kiss me?"

Dally looked back at me, his lips parted. He shook his head again. I took a deep breath. I felt dizzy, like my blood was all going to my head. Both Dally and I knew what this meant.

"Johnny, we can't tell anyone." Dally said. I nodded. He looked me up and down before swiftly pulling away and standing up. "And you know, Johnny, we... we can't."

"Can't what?" I whispered. But I already knew what. Dally shook his head. He sniffled once before wiping at his face, trying to clear it up. He shook his head one final time, sternly.

"Johnny, we can't." He said finally, quietly. He turned, opening the door and going inside, leaving me sitting alone.

I sighed, nodding to myself.

We can't. I agreed silently. But I was still crying.

*** *** *** ***

I sat up, panting.

Looking over at the chair, I saw Dally, curled up in it how he had been whenever I came inside. He hadn't been asleep then, but he was now, and the house was silent. I pulled my legs onto the sofa and wiped my sweaty face. I'd had another one of those dreams. This time, Dally was running in the dark. It left me pretty shaken, my body still engaged with adrenaline as if I had something to run from.

"Johnny?"

I jumped. Two-Bit had crashed on the floor. He had slept with an extra blanket, having taken the sofa cushion from the end of the couch as a pillow. I wondered how I didn't wake up to him pulling it out from under my ankles.

"Hey, I didn't see you." I said, my voice hoarse from sleep. It was kind of embarrassing. My voice got higher sometimes when I was tired or worn out. I kind of wished mine would go deeper, like Dally's did.

"Jesus, man, are you okay?" Two whispered.

I nodded. "Yeah, just a little sweaty. Why?"

"You just screamed. In your sleep." Two said. "I'm surprised Dally didn't wake up."

"I did?" I frowned at Two-Bit. "Sorry if I woke you-"

Just then Darry walked in. His room was on the other side of the wall.

"Did I wake you up too?" I whispered at him.

"No, I was already up." Darry said.

Darry invited me and Two-Bit to help him start preparing breakfast. I was pretty used to it. I stayed over much more during the summer, and it was almost everyday that I woke up here. Two-Bit, however, was used to his mother making his breakfast. He sat aside the whole time.

When Dally came that breakfast that morning, late enough that Soda and Steve were rushing to leave. His white hair was matted against his sweaty face. He'd had a nightmare too.

Dally left as soon as he'd eaten. He didn't say a word to me that morning, and the rest of the day, I didn't know where he was the rest of the day. I knew he was probably feeling awkward about everything that had happened, and I did too. It was strange to try and run the day before over in my head.

Dally had gone out to look for Two-Bit that morning after Soda got a call saying he had been kicked out of a party's aftermath. Dally and Two-Bit came home, everyone hung out all day, before Two-Bit, me, and Dally all went to get food to eat. Then we ran into the Socs, Two-Bit made them mad, and then Dally and Two-Bit had a brief rumble with the lot. They barely escaped, we rushed home, and then I tried to clean up Dally's nosebleed, which somehow escalated into the most unbelievable conversation that ended in Dally kissing me.

It felt like it had all been a dream, and if not for staring at the scab on Two's cheekbone all day, I'd believe it was.

The next day was Tuesday, meaning we were going camping the next day. I'd had another nightmare. Dally still didn't show up all morning, and Darry could tell I was worried. He pulled me aside at one point and told me he had checked in with Buck, and Dally was staying over there. I told him already knew, even though I didn't at the time.

Two-Bit pulled up at noon and called me out to the car.

"I picked up all the stuff from the list you and Pony gave me." He said.

"How did you afford it?" I asked. Two looked back at me, confused.

"Dally, Soda, Darry and I have all been pitching in, remember?"

"Oh." I guess I hadn't thought about that. My only concern had been making a list of only things in our budget. Ponyboy came outside, looking over all the stuff.

"Two-Bit, we needed two tents." Pony said. Two-Bit shrugged.

"I figured we could all just sleep in a big tent."

"You could have gotten two of the small tents for cheaper than this one." Pony exclaimed, frustrated.

"Okay, relax, fine!" Two-Bit said. "I'll go return it."

That night I went to sleep on the couch, and I had yet another nightmare. When I woke up panting in the middle of the night, Dally was sitting in the chair. He was awake, and he looked at me. Then he turned the other way, closing his eyes like he was trying to sleep. I felt myself inclined to say something.

"Dally, I know we can't." I whispered. He didn't move, but I knew he could hear me. "But just how much do you think that has to include. I know what we can't do, or be, or whatever..."

I took a deep breath. "But we don't have to be nothing at all."

Dally was still unresponsive.