Made For You - Stray Kids x original character

Talking is so hard just kiss me or whatever

TW: suicidal ideation

I was back in the hospital, but so much happier. My baby was in my arms, the only people in the room were the nurse and my boys. Felix was taking photos while I lightly protested, saying I was too ugly right now.

Seungmin kissed me lightly, on the lips, "you look beautiful." He didn't give out compliments freely, so it was high praise.

Chan's eyes were watery, but he wasn't crying, seemingly determined to stay strong, "he's right, you know... you did so well..."

Changbin was fully crying, he couldn't take his eyes off me and our baby.

Jisungs head was settled lightly on my shoulder, he had been crying a bit as well, "she looks just like you, our baby..." his eyes where trained on her, watching as she cooed.

Hyunjin was a mess, he was sat at the foot of the bed, rubbing circles into my calf. He was crying hard. For someone who was so openly dramatic and adverse to mess, he was the one that stayed the closest when birth was the grossest. He held my hand during my contractions and didn't flinch at the blood.

Jeongin, our youngest, was fascinated by her. He couldn't stop watching her. He held her tiny hand in his own.

Minho was farther off, he was no less enraptured with her, but realized I had a lot of people in my space. He had been the first to ask what I wanted to eat when I was allowed to, and had already ordered. The small quiet things was how he showed he cared.

And I was so fucking happy. So happy I could burst. So happy I felt guilty. Because I knew it wasn't real. Part of me knew I was dreaming, the edges were tinged with that dreamlike haze, and I knew this could never happen. I knew what the truth was, and I felt guilty because I knew what happened was my fault, at least to some degree. Waking up wasn't like how it happens with a nightmare, it was slow and painful. It wasn't a jolt and it was gone. I watched the scene float away as I returned to the real world. It burned.

I was sick to my stomach when I woke. I pulled myself out of bed as fast as I could and propelled myself to the nearest bathroom. It bordered hyunjins room and I knew he and Jeongin must have heard it when the door slammed, I just prayed that they would be the only ones and locked the door. I turned the water on to block the noise and proceeded to lose the very little sustenance I had had in the last twenty-four hours into the plumping. When it was gone, I vomited stomach acid. It burned my throat and my ribs but it was distracting.

I stared in the bathroom mirror for a long time after I was done. The person looking back at me wasn't someone I knew. I wasn't super prideful of my looks, but I knew I was at least average or above average. The girl that stared back at me however, she was dreadful. She was bruised and broken. She had deep bags under her eyes. Her hair was limp and dull. Her eyes lacked life and joy, she was miserable. Reminiscent of a caged tiger at a bad zoo. She had been here so long she had given up hope of better things.

There was a knock on the door.

Hyunjin spoke in a soft voice, "Robin... you've been in there a long time, please let us in."

I considered. I considered the fully stocked medicine cabinet, I considered the razors kept under the sink. I considered many things. But, I saw Hans face on the roof. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I scoffed to myself and unlocked the door.

I could tell hyunjins first impulse was to pull me into a smothering hug, but he delicately scooped me up and brought me into the room. He set me on the bed directly between him and jeongin. Jeongin played with my hair gently. Hyunjin clung to me softly, his head laid against my chest.

Oh my hyunjin. People for the most part saw Felix as the delicate one, and he is emotional, beautiful, and perfect. Meant to be cared for. But the delicate one has always been hyunjin. Hyunjin is like a precious piece of architecture, beautiful yet meant to stand the test of time. Meant to be used, but its sophistication demands to be treated gently anyway. He is very emotionally mature, he knows he is delicate, he knows how easily his feelings are hurt, so he takes care to speak with love. And above all, he has the humility to apologize when he is wrong. This perfect human was holding me like I was the one who deserved care. Like I should be treated gently. I felt sick again. But I swallowed it down. I knew they wouldn't let me leave. I eventually fell asleep again.