Two sides of The Same Coin - BatJokes Oneshots

Filthy Showers (SMUT)

Based on Lego Batman

Joker kicked the mud-soaked pebbles buried in the murky puddles of Gotham's streets, his small, petite, and boney white hand trailing the disgusting brick walls of the buildings making up this disgusting city. His infamous tailcoat was drenched in the city's equally disgusting water and mud caked to his limbs, as mud had infiltrated his hair and face. This was a repulsive moment for the Clown Prince of Crime, his usually perky, excited, and pristine appearance now drenched in Gotham's filth. This day had absolutely sucked ass for him, Harley moved in with her girlfriend Ivy, Joker's car was totaled while in Arkham, and on top of all of that he missed his big, brooding bat. Thoughts of his Bat flooded through his brain, dirty thoughts of what he wanted Batsy to do to him. Joker's mind was elsewhere until it was pulled out of the literal gutter by a familiar voice—deep and gruff.

    "Joker? What are you doing out of Arkham?" The large man asked, his bat costume hidden with him in the shadows. Joker gave an aspirated groan, his head falling back, welcoming the cold rain on his pale skin. He let out a dry laugh and glared half-heartedly at the Bat.

    "I escaped, obviously, Batsy." Batman would never admit it, not in a million years, but at this very moment in time he was absolutely worried for the clown's mental health. He took a cautious step forward, hoping the crime committing comedian stays calm in his spot.

"What do you expect will happen now?" The bat questions with worry.

"Well, pointy ears..." He began, with a suggestive humor laced in his tone as he met the other's stride, "Anything could happen when fun is what you want." He paused, looking down at his tattered and filthy attire, mouth turning to a disappointed frown, and back up at Batman's helmet covered face. He found himself entranced in the larger man's blue eyes, riddled with sparkles caused by the street lights of Gotham. The smaller clown's frown slowly disappeared as he tried to keep his train of thought. "But the fun must wait until I can get a bit cleaned up." His eyesight glances around the bat's muscular build covered with armor. "Looks like you could benefit from a nice scrub down, as well," he insists with a devilish smirk. The Bat gulped down the hard lump in his throat, Joker's antics never stirred him up before, but perhaps it was the glint of the puddles' reflection in those bright toxic-green eyes of his. Or the small sway of his hips, or how even in his low and vulnerable state, he was still his charming and unstable self. Batman rolled his eyes at the thoughts he was having.

"Joker, I will give you ONE chance here, you can crash with me for the night if you swear you won't do anything funny." The Bats' low gruff voice caught the clown off guard. Joker grew a large grin, eyes twinkling in mischief.

"Batsy, Basty, Basty..." Joker clicked his fiery tongue as he sauntered to his Dark Knight covered in muck.

"I am a clown, everything I do is funny." Joker snickered, before looking away from his Bat.

"But, your offer is very sweet. I accept your conditions, after all it beats sleeping in another warehouse." Joker mumbled, he followed his large Batman to the Batmobile and waited by the passenger door, keeping his eye on Batman. Bats looked up at the clown from the other side of the car, noticing Joker's crossed arms and tapping foot, his face held an expression of impatience. Batman rolled his eyes and walked to Joker, leaning down to open the car door for him, Joker smiled and blew a kiss to his Bat in armor. Getting settled in the car, only to have his eyes widen in horror, he swung his head to Batman who swiftly got into the driver's side and buckled himself in.

"Batsy! I-I'm going to ruin the floorboards- I'm covered in filth!" Batman smirked but quickly dropped it, and shook his head.

"Never mind that Joker. The Batmobile is self cleaning, and whatever it misses, my butler can finish." Batman breathed out, his eyes fixated on the road.