'°☆ another lupin comfort fic •°

I ; don't panic, okay?

"wonderful work today, class! you're dismissed for today!"
i sat slumped up against the classroom wall, panting heavily. we had practised duelling and my opponent had been a ravenclaw boy, who was particularly known for his duelling skills and hadn't gone easy on me. it required quite some effort for me to stand up: every inch of my body was littered with bruises from the duel - the price i had to pay for my victory - and  everything ached terribly. my left arm hurt particularly, because it was covered with fresh cuts from past night. i held it close to my chest and stumbled dizzily towards the door. on my way there, the professor of defence against the dark arts, remus lupin, suddenly stood in my way.
"anja? is everything alright?", he nodded towards my arm.
"oh?", i was a little bewildered by his approach, "yes, i'm okay."
"are you sure?"
i nodded.
"the duel was a little tough, that's all. but i'm okay."
"may i check your arm for possible injuries? i need to see whether or not i need to bring you to the hospital wing."
"oh thank you for your concern, professor, but i'm okay, really. it barely hurts.", i smiled and started flailing my arm to demonstrate my wellbeing.
he raised his eyebrow and eyed me critically.
"i sort of need to ensure that none of my students get hurt during my lessons. so please, will you?", he said and held his hand stretched out towards me, signalling to give him my arm, "either that or i'll be forced to have madam pomfrey check out your arm."
i realised that i was trapped. it was between lupin seeing my cuts, potentially doing nothing about it and sparing me from trouble or madam pomfrey seeing them, reporting to dumbledore who'd report it to merlin knows who and definitely getting me into trouble. i looked at lupin, before  averting my gaze immediately and letting him roll back my sleeve. i whined and wanted to recoil at the sting his touch sent through my arm, but he held my wrist firmly.
'let him ignore it, let him ignore it, let him ignore it, oh merlin please, let him ignore it...'
my wish was not granted.
"are you certain those are from the duel?"
i stared at my shoes.
"anja? tell me, are these wounds self inflicted?"
i remained silent, because i felt hot tears of fear stinging in my eyes. my breathing fastened and i was almost breathing as heavily as i had been earlier, while duelling. lupin sat me down on a chair nearby and kneeled down in front of me. i dug my nails into the skin of my thighs and he laid his hands on top of mine.
"don't panic, okay? i don't want to hurt you."
he paused for a moment and i could tell he was choosing his words carefully, trying to find the right ones and not say a wrong thing.
"you don't need to be scared, i promise you, i only want you to be okay. do you want to tell me why you do this to yourself?"
i hastily shook my head.
'no way.'
"that's okay, i'm not forcing you to talk to me. but you understand that especially now we'll need to pay a visit to the hospital wing, right?"
'great. not a single disaster avoided.'
i furiously wiped my eyes with my sleeve to prevent my tears from falling.
'get a grip on yourself, goddamnit.'
"let's go and get this sorted out with madam pomfrey, okay? i'll have you excused for the rest of your classes today."

i sat on one of the beds with clean, white sheets behind a bed screen in the hospital wing. lupin was talking to madam pomfrey a few metres away from me. with the exception of the three of us, it was empty. i could've eavesdropped if i had wanted to, but all i wanted was for this to be over already. i tried to shut out the world the best as i could and counted the dark spots on the floor tiles. at spot number fifty-eight, i heard lupin leaving and shutting the large door behind him. seconds after, the matron stood beside me.
"alright, i heard we have a few wounds to take care of, hm?"
i rolled back my sleeve wordlessly and kept staring at the floor. she took my arm and eyed it carefully.
"are there any more? on your other arm or your thighs, perhaps?"
i hesitated, but then nodded.
"take off your clothes for a second, will you?"
i behaved and undressed until i was left in underwear only. again, the matron examined every cut, every scar and every bruise. she then bandaged me up, applying an ointment that smelled of herbs on all my wounds. i got dressed again and sat back down onto the bed.
"if it's up to me, you're staying here at least until tomorrow morning. but dumbledore will have a word in it too, so let's hear what he says. professor lupin should return from his office soon."
'so that's where he ran off to. perfect.'
when i didn't react to her words, she added something else.
"did you eat something today, anja? you're emaciated, it's no surprise you bruise so easily. we need to figure out what to do with you, it can't continue like this."
right after she said that, lupin appeared in the door.
"dumbledore suggests a single room for now. we'll see for how long. he assigned me to work it out with her, since i have some... well, err, let's call it experience, in that field."

the ceiling of the single room was rather low. the walls were of dark oak wood and a deep green knitted rug covered the stone floor. it was furnished with a bed and a nightstand on the right side, a desk and two chairs on the left; all made of darkish wood. my trunk had already been brought into the room; the work of house elves, probably. on the left side as well, raindrops ran down the pane of the large window. it felt, to my surprise, rather homely. lupin came in behind me, followed by madam pomfrey, who was carrying a tray with a warm bowl of soup, a few slices of bread and some water. she set it down on the desk and i felt both of the adults eyeing me. i stood beside the window and stared at the drenched hogwarts grounds outside. madam pomfrey left, and before she closed the door behind herself, i could hear her whisper to lupin.
"see that she eats something."
him and i were alone now and he let me stare a little more, before he approached. he laid his hand onto my shoulder and i recoiled reflexively.
"sorry...", i apologised after i caught myself.
"there's no need to apologise. come on, let's go eat something."
i shook my head.
"come on now, let's go, anja."