Session 104

chapter 1

The breakfast table was clear, the house dark and the air reaked of cheap liquor. Piss was all over the floor. I felt tears building up. 'Kimmy, is that you?' Hearing his voice, I ran up the stairs I just couldn't face him , 'never show weakness.' I thought to myself.

I slowly tipped toe back to my room, slowly closing the door behind me. I ran to my bed. Trembling in tears,my heart was beating at an unbelievable rate. My head was fladed with images of piss, I could feel the vommit building up. My thoughts were quickly snoozed by the sound of my alarm ringing. My eyes widened as I got up and off to the shower I went.

'Kimberly, shall I drop you off?'. I looked at him for a second or two before gently declining his offer. He gave me a look of disappointment before picking up his keys. 'Bye sweetie,' he said, giving me a hug. Cheap liquor was all I got from that  hug. It suddenly hit me that the piss was gone, and after he left. The smell of cheap liquor had left the air.

Sipping my last cup of coffee, I was on my way out. The first day of what should have been a new school experience, but unfortunately, having a joint grade school means the same faces every year.

The big board outside was destroyed due to the weather, and the paints on the wall were scraped. Every wall had a crack. And all you could smell was polluted air. From the sewerage our school was built next to. My school was run down, and there was no maintenance whatsoever. Yet the flaws are overcome by the overwhelming feeling of positivity in the atmosphere. Every student was happy to be there. We were only 400 in the school.

We all started attending in kindergarten, so assumingly, we all have friends. Not real friends,but friends. I had "friends" or rather people I had lunch with. I've known them since kindergarten. I never really thought of leaving them,I wish I had. But yet again, who could I be friends with. Everybody had a friend or 2, and there was no such thing as a new kid in my school.

I couldn't be myself with anyone at school. In my friend group of 5, at least 2 were 'besties' outside the group. And I was the extra who was used as a "feel good about myself."As outlandish as it may sound, I never had a problem with that. I needed friends, and if I could have that, I wasn't gonna complain.

I looked at my friends eating in silence. I had to crack a joke. I joked with myself that if I kept them laughing, they'd forget how I looked. But sometimes, I felt like my efforts didn't matter.

"Kimberly!".my friend called. I looked up and there she was calling me.'oh uhm sorry. You were saying?' I nervously said I honestly didn't know what was going on around me. I was too deep in my thoughts. "You literally zoned out. It's kinda sad sometimes,are you okay."

No I'm not alright I wanna kill myself,my dad's a drunk, I have no friends honestly I'm lonely, I have no productive hobbies, I always make promises I never keep, I feel like Jesus might just hate me. The only place I feel like myself is on the fucking internet but that's still not even me. Of course, I couldn't just tell her that. That's out of character, I smiled 'No I'm just thinking about tests' even I cringed at that excuse.