my saving grace ~ terukane

will come to me

7. Interlude (Akane)

~

Usually, when Akane has feelings, he says something about it.

Like with Aoi, or Yamabuki (even if that was under the influence of the confession tree.)

Strangely enough, though, Akane doesn't feel like saying anything.

It's not because Teru's a boy- Akane ruled that out a long time ago. It's not because of Teru's role as the school prince either, Aoi received thousands of confessions, and Akane still asked her out.

So what is it?

Rejection is one of Akane's best friends, and yet...

He's lucky it's the weekend. He's lucky he's in the comfort of his room lamenting his own stupidity instead of doing it in public.

"Is it because... I know he won't be honest?"

Yes, that's probably it.

Everything else isn't a problem to him. The one thing that is a problem to Akane, the one thing standing in the way - is that even if Akane's completely sincere with his feelings, Teru will push him away.

Why? Because of his role as an exorcist. He'll blab that whole spiel, "I'm an exorcist and you're half supernatural, we can't be together," and reject Akane in possibly the most bullcrap way ever.

The thought hurts more than any of the low scores Aoi has given him over the years.

Unless Teru would make an exception for him?

The president does seem to care about Akane, in his weird, weird way - making sure he's alright, checking up on him, and is always surprised when Akane cares back.

There's a 50/50 chance here, and Akane's odds aren't looking good.

"...I think, I have to plan."

There's no one else in the room, no one else to tell him this was a horrid idea- and that's why Akane gets dressed, grabs his wallet, and sets out on an adventure.

Teru is constantly busy, because of his exorcist duties. So anything outside the school was out. It also couldn't be too insincere, like a crappy dollar card from the market. But then again, would something too sincere scare him off?

Akane turns and enters a store- maybe he could find one of those play kits he likes so much. Teru always insists they're for his younger sister, but in that case, wouldn't it be better to do it with her? Aoi had told him all about their late night candy making adventure.

Humming and perusing through the selection, he tries not to get too frustrated- to be completely honest, it was a miracle Aoi told him anything at all.

It's no secret that Akane loves- loved? -Aoi. It's also obvious to anyone with basic comprehension that, over the years, they've become oil and water.

There's a weird, twisted version of Aoi, one that Akane used to worship. They were as honest as they could be to each other, and now, they're taking baby steps to repair their friendship.

Meaning, Aoi isn't obligated to tell Akane everything.

Akane groans, turning and curtly leaving the store- he wants to be completely honest. He wants to be sincere, and show Teru that this isn't some horrible joke, that Akane did genuinely like Teru, terrible personality and all.

Maybe he needs to slow down. Maybe he needs to think.

What were the words Teru had said to him- when Akane asked if he was happy?

"I'm content."

It was a moment of vulnerability.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Vulnerability.

Something that Akane is acquainted with, something he can work with.

The times when they're vulnerable isn't often. Mostly in the student council room, sometimes in the comfort of Akane's room, maybe on the rooftops once or twice.

It's hard to be vulnerable with the Minamoto's, so Akane has his work cut out for him.

His eyes lead him over to a park- and he blinks. Because Teru is there.

Speak of the goddamn devil, the golden child, the exorcist.

It's a lot like how he felt with Aoi, except better. And it's terrifying.

How easy would it be? To walk over, and sit on the swing next to Teru? To ask him about his exorcisms, and then confess?

Akane can feel his heart leap, threatening to climb up his throat and escape through his mouth, and he clenches his jaw. Turning away, he walks past the park, barely noticing Teru glancing up at him.

The circumstances are terrible- he wants to confess. He wants Teru to be honest. To do that, he needs a moment where they can both lay their hearts bare.

To do that, he needs to get over this fear of rejection.

Because for some reason, Akane has this feeling. He feels like-

Coming from Teru, rejection would hurt. Badly.

His heart twists, wrenches, and he can feel thorns crumbling.

He feels scared.

And isn't that a wonder? Akane's only ever been scared for himself, really, once or twice in his life.

When he became a supernatural, and Teru almost exorcised him- horrifying really, Akane can still remember the cold fear running through his veins, lightning crackling while his nervous system screams at him to run away.

And now, once again, Minamoto Teru is the root of the problem.

Feelings are complicated. For lack of a better word, they suck.

He takes a deep breath, and continues walking- maybe a bit faster.

This is fine.

Usually, when Akane has feelings, he says something about it.

He glances down at the cold pocket watch tucked away in his pocket- snug, secure -and fiddles with his glasses.

When Akane has feelings, he usually wants to say something about it.

There's a feeling gnawing away at his heart- it's not the rose-tinted thorns that clawed at it before, though. It's an infestation of anxiety, eating him alive.

There's a golden haired boy with blue eyes sitting on a park swing a bit away, and Akane steels himself as he catches sight of his home.

Would it hurt to let it die down? Like a grandfather clock, Akane's mind keeps ticking-

Confess, confess, confess.

Hide, hide, hide.

"I want to love him."

The words echo around an empty home, Akane's brow knitted in frustration.

Would he want to love Akane back?