The Only Thing We Have To Fear

Sort-of Titled Part

Lots of people think spiders have the largest number of eyes. That isn't even remotely true. Neglecting animals -- mostly insects -- that have compound eyes, the creature with the largest number of eyes is a type of water mollusc. The chiton can grow up to 1000 eyes. Behind that is the scallop. Scallops can have anywhere between 50 and 100 eyes. In third place is the sunflower starfish. Sunflower starfish have an eye on the end of each appendage and grow upwards of 24 appendages. As you can see, spiders don't even come close to having the largest number of eyes in the animal kingdom.

The eyes that actually concern Roman on his tireless rants about eyes aren't the eyes of spiders at all. Sure, he hated spiders, but his fear of eyes stems from a greater fear of the creature that harbors all those eyes. 24 eyes, to be exact. A creature so eldritch in nature he cannot describe it. After his life-threatening encounter with the thing with many eyes, he learned just how many eyes they have. 24. 4 rows of 6. 4 types of eyes. The most dangerous creature he has ever encountered. That creature is also the root of his fear of needles, but that's a story for another time.

Tonight, like many nights, Roman is awake. Despite its irrationality, he fears tentacle creatures that hide under the bed, waiting to pull him under when his feet touch the floor, and mechanical monsters that loom over his bed and wait for him to toss back the sheets so he'll go down easier.

Despite what people think of him, he is a man of many fears. Just because he wasn't born with social anxiety, most of his classmates and teachers assume that there is nothing he is afraid of. They don't see the hours he spends lying awake in the dark paralyzed with fear.

Tonight, like many nights, Roman's leg throbs along his scars. Somedays, he can feel the venom slowly eating away at his heart. He couldn't tell if it was psychosomatic or not.

It is for so many reasons why Roman's greatest desire is to be institutionalized. The main one is that he doesn't want to feel like this anymore. When he was delirious with pain was when he felt the freest. He felt like no one would be able to understand him. He was suddenly an enigma. His brain had become an ever-shifting labyrinth with a monster guarding his heart. It was painful, but what he gained he felt was worth it. He was the center of everyone's attention, and the receiver of their empathy, and none of it mattered because he was unique, and no one would understand him. There was a kind of thrill in that. One that very few understood.

Roman, being a man of ulterior motives, wanted to be seen as crazy so he could go back to a time when he could see the line. The line where black ends and white begins. The point where sanity becomes insanity. He took great pleasure in toeing that line, and that's the thrill he seeks.

Roman had a single irrational bone in his body, and he regretted it because he was too normal for anyone else to notice.