Diabolical | T. Drake ✔

[09] Abandonment Issues

Richard was awfully silent on the ride back to the Manor and Tim knew he had to fix it. He should have clarified things to him earlier as it was very obvious that he was contemplating accompanying Tim in the first place. Plus he had no idea about the history between him and Jonathan Crane but perhaps it was for the best that he didn't know.

So he decided to start the conversation with something lighter but then it hadn't been long since he had met Richard so he couldn't think of anything to talk to him about.

"Dick, I am really grateful you came along with me," he said, though he was a bit reluctant about how he would react. He had a feeling that Richard wasn't the sort of person to go silent normally, something was definitely bothering him.

"I was not expecting any of this," he replied at last, turning to look at Tim for a brief minute before reverting his focus to the road. "How do you know Crane?"

Tim shrugged, "that's a very long story. In short, I abducted him because I wanted to know how he made his fear gas. I had been working on an antidote for it so..."

His voice trailed off seeing Richard's face pale at that revelation, "you what?"

"Yeah... You heard right. I'm not kidding."

Silence engulfed them again until Richard recovered from the shock, "Tim, did you consider how much trouble you could get in by just associating with people like Crane? You can't just go up to him and experiment on him to find some antidote. Do you have any idea how dangerous it can be for you if he breaks out of Arkham and wants revenge? You must know how many people he has driven to madness, and there is no knowing if he ends up doing the same to you too."

Tim was about to say something in reply but didn't, realizing that Richard was actually concerned for him and not the other way round. He was scolding him because he didn't want him to get hurt.

In his own way, he was trying to look out for him.

He blinked, feeling an irritation in his eyes and turned to look out the window. However, Richard noticed it and the car came to a halt in the drive-through of a Starbucks outlet.

He ordered two frappes and handed one to Tim then drove further in to park the car conveniently. The boy had taken the cup handed to him but he was still looking out the window, his eyes starting to turn red.

"Hey, I'm not mad at you," he sighed softly as he tried to talk to Tim who had taken his turn to go silent instead.

"I... I know," Tim replied in a muted tone, "I appreciate the concern."

"Then why are you rubbing your eyes like that? I didn't mean to make you upset."

He shrugged, "I'm not upset. It's just that something went into my eyes and it's bothersome."

"Oh okay."

"And also when you people act so differently from what I expect, it ends up making me overwhelmed. I don't know how to deal with that," he added, his voice even lower than earlier as if reluctant to say it out loud.

He paused at that remark but then asked, "how do you expect us to treat you then?"

"Uh... Certainly, not as nice as you guys are with me till now," he replied, finally looking at him with his red eyes that were either sore from something else or he was actually tearing up and had said that as an excuse. "I thought there must be a reason Bruce adopted me in the first place. I thought there had to be something he wanted from me or why else would he bother welcoming someone like me into his family... But I'm just not so sure anymore. I have no idea what intentions he has or any of you have for that instance. But I certainly didn't expect you all to accept me even though there's no way I can be of any use to you guys."

The words poured out of him in a sad, lonesome voice as if he was already preparing himself to be cast out. Richard could see that the boy was scared of being abandoned again yet he was too nervous to admit it.

He felt that just because he had nothing to offer, his life with the Waynes could come to an end at any moment. And now that he was beginning to adjust to their presence, he was worried it would all come to an end too soon.

"I'm not anyone's idea of a regular thirteen year old. I'm stubborn and hard to handle, I'm a nuisance most of the time and I know it. Plus I'm not fit for being a vigilante either, I'm literally about as helpless as a spaghetti noodle in that case. I can't figure out why Bruce or anyone would still be interested in keeping me around when all I do is add to the list of burdens he already has."

"You are not a burden, Tim," he tried to motivate him but the boy only shook his head in disapproval.

"No, I... I think I am. I was a burden to my own parents, how can it be any different this time?" He sniffled, reaching out for a tissue paper as he rubbed his eyes again.

Richard was at a loss of what to say. Tim had been fine earlier, it hadn't bothered him in the slightest when Scarecrow had brought his parents up and taunted him. Yet right then with him, he seemed to be slowly breaking down.

It seemed like he didn't mind being treated roughly, in fact, he was so used to it that he had accepted it as being everyone's nature to shun him out. But when someone actually showed that they cared for him, then that became impossible for him to wrap his head around.

"Hey, buddy, look here," Richard felt an immediate urge to hug that insecure little child and comfort him in any way possible. But he had heard from Steph that Tim freaked out on physical contact so he kept his distance. But he spoke to him in a soft and caring tone, "it will be different this time because we are not like your parents. We are a dysfunctional lot, I can guarantee you that, but we all care for each other. And you are a part of us too now, whether you like it or not."

"It's not about liking or disliking, I just... I don't want to believe people can actually care for me because when they stop, it hurts."

Richard could see there was a lot of baggage that was weighing Tim down and making him think that way. He knew it would take a lot of time for him to unpack all the negative feelings of abandonment and degradation that he had stored inside him. But he wanted Tim to know that he and his family would be there for him no matter what happened.

"Tim, I really don't know how to make you believe that we all sincerely care for you and won't stop doing so but I can give you a promise," Richard remarked and Tim looked up at him in disbelief. "I can promise you that I will always be here for you. No matter what happens, no matter what the circumstances. You can count on me and I will try my best never to let you down."

He could see that Richard was not lying right then. He was genuinely giving his word and it struck through his tiny little heart.

"But there's one condition."

"Oh," Tim paused, although he should have expected that. There had to be a condition behind a solemn vow of lifelong commitment as the one Richard was proposing.

"No more getting in danger by associating with criminals," Richard added and Tim blinked as if not expecting that, "if you need someone to review your experiments, Babs and I will find someone other than Crane for you to work with. Don't put yourself in danger, okay?"

A weak smile fluttered on his face at last as he finally took a sip from the frappe in his hands, "damn, Dickie, that's not fair."

"But that's the best offer I can give you. You in?" He held his hand out to the boy who shook his head as he took the offered hand, a light chuckle escaping him as well.

"Okay. Offer accepted."

***