DARK LONDON NIGHTS // sully from top boy

23 - good enough

London
Oct. 12th

Nervousness made Nora's heart race as she waited tensely outside her boss's office, pacing back and forth. He had emailed her the night before, saying he wanted to see her urgently, and Nora's mind had been racing ever since.

Since she'd missed a week at a time, she'd had to check in with colleagues more often than not and sometimes lost touch. Although she had worked harder and more diligently than ever and had stayed longer every day, the fear that her boss wanted to give her negative news was building up in her.

The last few days had been filled with work for her. She hadn't exchanged many words with Dris, Dushane or Jaq, or with Sully. Dris sometimes gave her a ride, but otherwise Nora threw herself into the piles of work and didn't get back to the house until late at night. She was already planning to move back to her apartment soon, once she had gained the trust of the others.
With Sully, that could be difficult, because he basically paid no attention to her. They had talked sparingly the last few days, when they did talk he was dismissive or even sassy towards her.

Her thoughts swung back to the now as she felt how damp her palms were as she paced up and down the hallway.

Despite the fact that Nora knew she was a brilliant, competent and talented lawyer and knew more about her job than many colleagues, she also often had moments when she was insecure. Moments when she questioned herself and her self-confidence dwindled. Then she wondered how she had made it this far in the first place, if she was anywhere near as good as her colleagues, and if she even deserved it all.

These moments of anxiety always came at the worst possible time.

Like now.

Nora tried to take deep, mindful breaths, listened to her body, and tried to steadily slow her heartbeat to escape the feeling of panic. In her head, she recited her daily affirmations to herself while her hands rested on her stomach. She stopped and tried to focus only on herself for a moment.

I am good enough.
I am intelligent.
I am good enough.
I am beautiful.
I am good enough.
I am a pure soul.
I am good enough.
I have a good heart.

I am good enough.
I deserve all the happiness on this earth.
I am good enough.

Her heartbeat calmed down with every sentence she called to her conscience.

That self-doubt could break you a lot, Nora knew, especially in her position. She had a lot to lose, but no family to lean on. If she didn't believe in herself, no one did. She only had herself. And she knew she was brilliant. She just had to act like it.

Nora lifted her chin and fixed her hair. She applied some lip gloss. She would walk into that room and no matter what her boss said, she would stand up for herself. Just like she had done her whole life.

Who did she have to thank for getting her this far?
Only herself.

Nora kept reminding herself of that, until finally a calming wave of self-confidence and balance flowed through her. She was ready for what was to come. Because all the resources she would need, she had deep inside, she knew that very well.

She had only herself and she would be there for herself.

A few minutes later, Nora was called into her boss's office and entered. Her boss pointed to the chair in front of his desk and asked Nora to sit down.

"Ms. Brown, nice to see you," he began, clearing his throat before sitting down and leaning back in his chair.

"I've been keeping a special eye on her the past few weeks and have observed your work ethic. This includes punctuality, neat work, all office skills, interpersonal skills and, of course, reliability. As you know, in this office we have extremely high standards for our employees, as this allows you to enjoy a very high reputation here."

Nora tried not to let her nervousness show and nodded with a smile.

"So I also really have to say that your performance has surprised me, Ms. Brown".

Crap.
Just keep smiling.

"I have yet to meet a lawyer as young, ambitious, consistent, and competent as your are, Ms. Brown"

Wait, what?

"Your perspective on issues and your assertiveness with opposing counsel in court is remarkable and unique."

"Thank you, sir," Nora said as she tried to process what she was hearing.

"So I'm also honored to tell you that I've nominated you for a promotion. I know you wouldn't normally be considered for it for at least a year or two, but I'm sure you're worth the investment and we're eager to keep you here."

Woah.
Nora was speechless.

"That's very generous of you, sir. I'll do my absolute best," she finally said confidently.

"You'll have to. For the next two weeks you will be under observation. Along with you, Mr. Smith has also been nominated for promotion, and as you know, that's hard competition, so put your best foot forward," he urged her as he leaned forward and scrutinized her closely.

You've got to be kidding - Heath Smith, of all people, was going to compete with her for this position!

At this point, the events in her life seemed to occur as incongruously as they could, as if a higher power were trying to make fun of her.

The universe must think that 'sleeping with the most dangerous man in London only to be ignored by him, then seducing a man whose money you need to get rid of the first one, and then defeat the second one in the race for promotion without offending his male ego' was an adequate task for her at this point in her life.

Great.

That will be a big problem.

"That won't be a problem," she replied with a smile, and her boss nodded in satisfaction.

"We both know that Mr. Smith is more appearance and reputation than competence. But he does have important contacts. So make an effort, Ms. Brown. You would be the youngest lawyer ever to get this job, and the third woman to boot."

After hearing those words, Nora knew immediately that she would give anything to get the promotion.

"Yes, sir," she said in a strong voice, standing up and extending her hand. Her boss shook her hand with a strong handshake.

"You can do this, I'm confident about that" he said as Nora turned to go.

She turned again and said, "Thank you for the opportunity, Sir. I appreciate it."

"It's up to you what you make of it, Ms. Brown."

She would get that promotion, she knew that even before she left her boss's office.