A New Normal

Chapter 7: No Nature Hike

•Chapter Warnings: Mentions of suicidal ideation•

The metallic taste of blood pours into my mouth making me grimace. I hate the taste. It's as if I just bit into a metal bar that has warm liquid inside of it. I pull my hand away and can just barely see the stream of blood leaking down my finger. Granted, it's dark and the only light is coming from the red glowing numbers on the alarm clock. The strong stinging sensation in the tip of my finger has dulled to slight throb. I close a fist around my finger, not wanting to leave the less than warm bed to bandage up my hand. I'd rather suffer a stab wound than wake up either Sam or Dean.

Especially Dean.

I hadn't came back into the room after my conversation with Dean until the lights turned off and I knew he had safely passed out on one of the beds. Thankfully, they still let me have my own bed. Though, my hopes of having night filled with sleep is now filled with a great deal of overthinking. Why did I start that argument? Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut? Why did Dean have to go get drunk and bring everything up that I've been trying to forget?

Not only am I ashamed of the fact that I left Dean not too long after that ordeal, I'm horrified at the thought that Sam will find out. Dean knows that I never told him, it's evident in the way that I reacted when he brought it up. I need to take small, measly steps here. One wrong move could land me on a landmine where Dean digs up more things of the past. Mostly, I just feel completely depressed that that was the one thing Dean was so upset about when he was drinking.

I cringe at the stickiness I feel accumulating on my hand. It's a disgusting nervous habit that I've developed over the years. I rub the dried blood off on my sleeve and roll over to glance at the clock. The overwhelming sense of dread that fills my chest is almost unbearable when I see that it's just past four in the morning. I know Sam set the clock for six so we can be on the road by seven. I just know this is going to be hell.

I roll over, pretending the clock doesn't exist and pretending that I just saw that it was one thirty in the morning instead of four. I let a breath out and force my eyes shut, willing myself to at least get two hours of sleep. Then I can sleep in the car because there is no way in hell that I'm going to be sitting in the front seat for six hours.

𖤐𖤐𖤐𖤐

"Here, Chrissie, hold on to this for me," Sam mumbles, passing something to me.

I take it from him, hesitantly, and see it's the map with coordinates to Black Water Ridge. "Why are you giving me this?" I grumble. Two hours of sleep did not do anything, I'd rather have gotten nothing. Now I'm just cranky and tired.

My eyes glance out the windshield, watching Dean chat with the front desk receptionist about checking out. It's now seven thirty and Sam is getting more frustrated with every passing minute. I was right about one thing, Sam did set the clock for six. It felt like the hangover that should have been plaguing Dean, had actually worked its way into my body. Cursing me with the headache and the disorientation.

Everybody showered and packed up their things before six forty-five. Yet, we're still here. Dean hasn't said a word to me, not that it matters. His hateful glares are loud enough for me to shrink. I don't want to try and make myself smaller because of him, I just don't want to cause a rift or any awkwardness for Sam. I huff out a breath, Sam always seems to be the common denominator, but not the problem. Far from one. I know for a fact that if I didn't shrink under Dean's glares, I would scream or fight with him. And I know that that would make for a very uncomfortable situation. So, I'll keep the peace...for now.

"To map out a route," he responds in a boyish manner.

"What?" I audibly scoff at his words. I toss the map back over to him to keep myself from slapping him upside the head. "Sorry, but no. I barely got an hour of sleep last night, Sam. I am sleeping the rest of the way to Black Water." I pull my jacket out of my bag and form a pillow shape with it and plan to use one of my thick sweaters as a blanket.