Patient 0

Chapter .5: Live for today

         It's currently February 18th, 2027.

             It has been four years since the pandemic started and I've had no luck finding my wife, searching day in and day out. I'd be lying if I said that I firmly believe she's even still alive, as all of this time has gone by and I've yet to hear or see anything of her... it's not a thought I like having, but all I can do is expect the worst at this point. I miss her, a lot...... More than what I can begin to describe.... I've managed to make my way to Austin, Texas, where they have a refuge fortress established. For the most part, there is minimal infected here.

These past few years have been torture and this pandemic has done nothing but inflict a living hell on earth. I used to always watch shows like, "The Walking Dead" and "Z Nation" but I never thought in a million years that I'd be living in a situation near anything similar to any of it. With that being said, it confused me as to how everything fell apart so fast. I would have thought that with all the zombie- survival television shows out there, it would have given us some sort of knowledge to put a stop to this faster. We were supposed to be able to trust the military, but when push came to shove, we went straight over the edge.

           I can't begin to tell you how many times I've contemplated taking my own life, but every time I think about it, I think about my wife and how there is always the possibility that she might still be out there somewhere.
I think about the fact that if she was still out there and I kill myself, I would never get to find her.  So much has happened that to this day, I'm still working on taking it all in and accepting this alternate reality. I haven't had a shower in a few months now and while living in a world like this, you start to smell worse than you could ever imagine. It's like every bad smell imaginable, combined and multiplied.

Ever since civilization collapsed, any evil you could imagine has reigned havoc with no law enforcement to stop it. On top of all the irony, having mentioned watching shows like, "The Walking Dead", I always used to make jokes and talk about how I didn't understand how people die and how everything goes to hell all of the time.......Well now, I understand.  It's a lot different than being able to see things like this happening in a television show, compared to actually having to go through it.....

At least I'm alive...

These last few years have been exhausting and honestly straight up horrifying, as I've had to do things that I've dreaded doing. I've taken thirty- five or more human lives and although it was to protect my own, I still hated doing so. I've had to kill more infected than beyond imaginable and even though they are already dead, when you come face to face with one, most of them still look very live and sprightly. Everything that's taken place has scarred and desensitized me so much, that sometimes I even fear myself.....

               Living amongst the chaos has brought me to do some pretty barbarous things, making it incredibly hard for me to get sleep at night. Every time I close my eyes I see the people I've killed and I can recall every single detail as the life left their bodies. All I'm left with are the memories of the life I once had and all I can ever do again is reminisce. I am cognizant over the fact that I will probably never have any of the things I used to. The hardest part of it all is not having my wife here with me, it doesn't just go on or get better....... All I ever think about is my sweet Darcy. An entire four years without her and it's been hell...
As if the apocalypse weren't enough torture to bear already, nothing will compare to the agony I feel without her.

              when you love someone as much as I love her, you never stop missing them. Every time I lay down at night, the first thing I want to do is be able to pull her in close to me again and hold her in my arms. to me. I want to have her close again, feel her touches, comfort me through my nightmares and tell me that everything is going to be okay.