My first night in the dorms and I feel lost. Remember when I mentioned that my grades were not good enough to go to Harvard, Well I still manage to go through the system. OH!! I am late, I jumped out of bed after I heard the alarm, I got ready and went for breakfast in the hall.
My first subject for the day is Calculus ,Sounds challenging does it not? Well it is frying my brain. And to make things worse my teacher is so boring. It is now Lunch time and I wish my best friend was here. I could here everyone gasping as someone walks by, I heard some girls whispering about how hot the new guy was. So I kept watching to see what the big deal was.
The person looked so familiar, but I was running late for my next class, so I ran. How pathetic am I ?I only had 2 classes for the day and I am already tired. "Move over freak," Amelia said in a tense voice. They would mock me when I knew answers to questions , and when I didn't know they would call me names, So I just stayed by myself away from everyone.
I joined the music club and swimming team and competed in regionals. THE teasing got worst and I felt worse than before, I did not deserve to be here , I said to myself. MY day has come to the end and I had loads of assignments to complete for Tuesdays class. I just laid in my bed thinking about my family and Brian and how I felt so lost without him, he deserved to be here not me, and that guilt was killing me.
I decided to write to my family, to talk about my day and to get updates on life without me around. they seemed fine , I feel more anxious than ever and my pills were done, and I did not want to burden my dad or burden anyone , they sound so happy, Me and my problems can wait. He took care me my whole and am at collage, I just need to move pass it.
School is getting harder and harder to deal with and I am crawling in my skin. I don't want know what to do, I felt like screaming. My First Semester is almost done, and we get to go back home, for a few weeks. I felt a little relief for that time and out of the blue my parents asked me about the pills, "ARE YOU TAKING YOUR PILLS?" my mom asked.( my parents, I could not believe I was saying that again )and I zoned out, imagining a world where things could be the same again, "MORIAH! did you hear me ?are you taking your pills?" I heard in a faint deep voice , I knew I should have not lied , but we were so happy again I didn't want to spoil us being a happy family again. So I lied.
We had a family movie night, I don't recall the last time we hard one. So I got back my family, so It is time I got my Bestfriend back ,don't you think? So I wrote to Brian. When I got back to school in February, I waited for a reply. I missed school, thinking he'll reply to my messages, But he did not, What is funny though is that when I finally went back to school, I heard a rumor about a boy named Brian, but I ignored the little man in my head telling me to investigate, what else was funny the same hot guy every girl was drooling over came and sat by me in the cafeteria.
I tried to not make contact, but he sure as hell tried. "WHAT KIND OF HOT GUY SITS BY A GIRL LIKE ME?" I began overthinking. I could hear the girls saying things about me. He continued sitting my me, eating for months and I finally gave in , so I started talking to him, then we started hanging out, I began talking about Brian and he just stared and listened to me. I still had no clue who he was, He even asked me to prom and on that day he kissed me and I fell in love at that moment. AND I am scared and I still have to heard from my bestfriend.
I excused myself and went to the back, I asked my dad to call him, to ask him if he was ok, and I went back to the dance and mystery guy was receiving a call , I noticed the ID,"WHY IS MY DAD CALLING YOU?" I questioned, Why? So I grabbed the phone and answered," Dad Is that you?" yes he answered in a confusing way, (Brian....Brian..... but why? why did you do this to me ? I have been worried about you. )I can not believe you , I shouted and ran out. I stayed in my dorm ever since.
With no way to get in my room, people try to brake down my door. I could not believe he did that to me, I HATE HIM!!! I SCREAMED. He hurt me, I was just lying on the floor I could feel the walls caving on me and I just want to give up. Feeling over whelmed and insecure All I need is something that I could take to put my mind at ease, medicine is not strong enough anymore.
I can hardly Breathe. I felt so paralyzed, My heart is beating fast. HE forced me to talk to him, after I was cooped up in my room. He said he wanted to explain his actions. So I gave him that chance.
"The truth is Moriah , when I left , I could not stop thinking about you. I went to a camp and they were talking about love, and I never thought about it that way , the way they were explaining it. Then I realized that I love you but more than just a best friend, I did receive your emails, but not all of them. So I spent my days after Finals trying to be a perfect boy for you, then My mom sent me to school and I realized how I made a lot of girls in love with me, I don't want to force you or anything." HE mentioned in complete remorse.
I only have 2 semesters at collage and I wonder everyday. Exams is coming soon and I already feel tense , but I forgive him and he told me how much he loved me. I was having another episode and I was scared , which means that my parents are coming up and it is going to be a long conversation, AS my first trimester ends. They told me to be care full. and that makes me worried more, knowing I could just collapsed at anytime and not be here anymore so fast. Is intimidating on so many levels.
ON our 2nd semester Brian and I had our first kiss and we started dating, while doing school, It was not easy but we went through it together, AFTER EXAMS I was hospitalized again but not for the same reason as last time, I could not breath and was admitted and I was monitored like a hawk. THEY gave me a breathing mask to go home and until things got better, so for thanksgiving we went home together to surprise my parents and when we shared the news , they were not shocked , "Finally, "We could always see it , they answered instantly. We stayed by my parents during that time. GUESS WHAT? Home coming is creeping and he asked me out.
Its homecoming guys and the place looks beautiful. We entered as king and queen and won the crown , drank punch and danced all night. The School term is ending and soon we live to go work in the real world, sounds scary. and soon I graduate again, but this time my mom will be there. which is kind of exciting.
.
OH MY HOW TIME DOES FLY , I AM 20 YEARS OLD, JOSHUA IS 17 , SOFIE IS 13 AND BRAYDEN IS 9. I am living collage soon, and I am graduating in 5 days. I AM excited.
I Almost gave up on life twice and I don't know how to feel, I just get really scared and lost and I don't know how to handle it, Its like my mind and body are at war with their selves. And it was not an easy battle, How can A mind that wants to die, live with a body that won't allow it to thrive.
IT IS GRADUATION DAY , I AM FINALLY AN ADULT, I got a trophy for excellent , AND HOPEFULLY I GET TO SPEND IT WITH BRIAN. MY mom was so proud she even got my hair done, cool right? "We love you sweet heart ,"they cried and we all celebrated. JOSHUA IS GOING TO COLLAGE NOW, SOFIE IS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND BRAYDEN IS AT MIDDLE SCHOOL, ALL THIS TIME HAS PASSED IT WAS A HELL OF FIGHT TO GET TO THE TOP
IT WAS HARD BUT I GOT OVER IT
===================================================
HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING WITH ME
CJ
YOU ARE READING
How I see the world
Short StoryA teenage girl, faced a lot in life alone. of course there are people who love her. but she feels alone , tired , scared and overwhelmed all the time. And she has no one to talk to. But she found comfort in something or someone and she felt whole...
