diaryyy

entry numero dos🤓

date: friday, july 14th, 2023

i ate the best fucking breakfast guys. i had a bowl of strawberry yoplay yogurt with blueberries and cheerios mixed in. so damn good, do recomend🤤. also, random but you guys should totally request i make something. i bake and cook often and i LOVE it, but im running out of things to make so, IDEAS, HAND EM OVER!!!

anyways, lemme tell a funny little story. last night, my brother—lets call him leo—and i were picking out our courses for this upcoming school year. why are we doing this so late? well we just moved here and have yet to enroll into school, so were only now picking out our courses. leo is only going into eighth grade, so i was tasked to help him. while helping him, me and the little shit would bicker (as siblings do) and then go back to being nice from time to time. everything was fine, great, perfect, you know? my dad though, he doesnt like when my brother and i fight, he says we fight too much. now, granted, leo and i do argue A LOT, but its mainly just because hes just now hitting puberty and his blood is JACKED with testosterone. while this may be the case, its still normal, and we dont even fight as much as we used to. my dad doesnt see it this way though, as he grew up as an only child and doesnt understand why siblings argue so much. anywho, my dad told us no arguing and went off into the other room. before you know it, guess who snapped at me? LEO. of course, it diffused the moment it started and we were fine, but my dad came out pissed. he proceeded to yell at us both and say shitty things to leo while i just stood off to the side like a little kid. now, fun fact, i have severe depression, anxiety and adhd. like SEVERE. when i went to bed, i sat there crying because i blamed everything on myself. i thought that if i had never told leo, "hey, go ask mom for ____ information," than no one wouldve gotten upset, no one wouldve been in trouble, and everyone would be happy and sing songy. of course, this isnt the truth though, and i know this. after about ten minutes, my dad came into my room and apologized to me for yelling and asked if he could help (he apologized to leo too). he helped me calm down and reassured me nothing was my fault and that shit happens.

trigger warning for next paragraph!!! (cutting and suicide)

guys look, i love my dad, hes a great person and i wouldnt replace him for anyone or anything, but sometimes he does yell n shit. while it can be upsetting from time to time, it used to be a LOT worse. my freshman year i really struggled with school, soccer and my mental health.  it had gotten to the point that i was failing a couple classes, had dropped out of school soccer and started self harming and drinking. my parents didnt understand my behavior and thought i was just being a little shit, but inside i felt like i was dying. my dad and i fought a lot. we fought about grades, about my behavior, about soccer, anything. it got to the point that i was afraid to go home or be alone with my dad in the car. this was during the second half of the school year, by which i had gotten a therapist and was starting medication. while this helped, i was still really fucked in the head. i had already tried to commit probably two or three times? i was just at rock bottom. one day i had a breakdown in the hallway during school. it was in the middle of a class, i had asked to go to the bathroom and just sat in the hallway and cried, panic texting my mom and therapist to tell them i was scared to go home and that i didnt know what to do. eventually i also texted my friend (buggz) and they calmed me down. my mom was the one who picked me up that day. now im doing a lot better. while i probably shouldve gone to a in patient facility a few months ago for a number of reasons, im better now.

one thing thats really helped me is starting road trip. its really given me something to focus on during the move. ive done research, a LOT of research, and planned out the whole plot before starting. its been able to fill my time so i dont resort to bad coping skills when i feel low. another thing thats helped is reading. chances are if youre reading this, we met by reading the same story or because i thought u were funny and followed you, and likely have very similar taste in writing, meaning we probably read the same or similar work. (also feel free to request some stories for me to read, including ur own work👀) i also also also looove drawing and animating. i draw all sorts of sp stuff and will be posting more of it in my art book soon. im looking for more scenes to animate tho, so if anyone has any suggestions, pleaaaase let me know and ill animate it and tag you😁❤️ also, if you guys arent following me, FOLLOW MY YOUTUBE ACC OR I WILL FIND WHERE YOU SLEEP1!1!!1!!!!!11!1 my handle is @lisetheloser

anyways😁 i think ima wrap this entry up bitches. i love yall, have a cookie before you leave🍪 and i cant wait to post the next entry!!!

THANKS FOR READING FAGS