desire ~ k. kazuha idol au

• chapter sixteen •

"Kazuha... I'm sorry, but I'm not coming to your concert this weekend."

Your insides squirmed as the gentle smile slowly slipped off Kazuha's face. His lips parted, as if he wanted to say something, but no sound came out of them. He looked down silently, clasping and unclasping his hands in his lap. Finally, he looked up. The hurt look in his eyes shone bright, and it just broke your heart.

"Why can't you come to see me?" he finally asked. The calmness in his voice that you normally heard was rapidly fading, and being replaced with a cold, hard tone that you didn't like at all.

"I..." you hesitated. You couldn't just tell him that you didn't want to come because you didn't want to show your face in public... but that would probably just make him feel worse. So, the feeble response you settled on was, "I just can't. I... I hope that you can understand."

Your shoulders grew cold again. You stood up from the couch and turned towards the door, trying not to feel the disappointment that was emanating from Kazuha's body. You froze in your tracks when Kazuha's voice, hard and cold, came out of nowhere and said, "Actually, I don't understand."

You turned to him, tears pricking the corners of your eyes once more. "Don't give me that." he said, his crimson eyes burning into your face. "I get that the way we met was rather awkward, and that an idol like me couldn't possibly be capable of some sort of feeling or regret. But I really hoped that you'd stop holding your grudge, or whatever against me. For a while, I thought that you'd changed. I really thought that we had something, Y/N. But I guess I was wrong."

Your skin stung from every one of his words. The cold hurt in his voice felt even worse against your heart than if he had yelled at you. You watched as Kazuha got up from the couch too, and as he brushed past you he didn't say so much as a single word.

"Kazuha, wait! Let me explain! It's not for the reason that you think!" you cried out desperately, starting towards the ivory haired boy.

"Save it." he said. "I'm done waiting, Y/N- and I'm not going to demand any more apologies."

With that final blow, Kazuha spun around on his heel, not an inch of regret slowing the way he stepped. He slammed the studio door behind him and disappeared down the hall, leaving you to mull over what you had just done.

✧•✧•✧

Returning to the lab definitely was not an option now. How could you suddenly just focus on work, with all that had just gone down?

You were laying in your bed, with the curtains of the room shut tight and the covers thrown over your head. The large teddy bear that Kazuha had given you had been immediately stuffed away into your closet and covered with a spare sheet. Now, the only thing that was illuminating your face was the dim glow of your cell phone as you scrolled through it mindlessly.

Your hands felt numb. You were hoping that anything would take your mind off what had happened earlier, but so far, nothing you were doing on your phone was working. From installing a stupid game to reading alchemy articles, nothing was getting rid of the replay of this morning.

You ended up resorting to looking at the old photos in your phone. As your thumbs flew across your screen, different memories passed by... like when you first came to the airport of Liyue, and when you went to get boba and go shopping with Ayaka...

Your finger suddenly stopped as a photo of you and Kazuha came onto the screen. This was after you he had won the giant teddy bear, and you had taken a selfie of you hugging Kazuha and the large bear.