Twisted Feelings {Poetry And Thoughts}

Will I?

Ps: these are some thoughts that had crossed my mind several times, and maybe yours too.
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. Will I ever get what I'm looking for?

. They said keep trying and that's
what I'm doing for sure

. But why is it so hard?

. I mean I've been trying for so long!

. But all I got was failing, failing and failing
.
.
.
.
. I just hope to see the result in the end

. 'cause I sacrificed a lot of things that for me are so big

. And god! once the day ends.

. All the truths start hitting

. Hitting like they never did.
.
.
.
.
. I used to enjoy swimming on summer.

. But all it is doing to me now is making me suffer

. So I keep complaining to my mother

. Mom! things are only getting harder

. She says "when you try your best
whatever you'll get doesn't matter"

. "and it'll be good for you because it's the decision of our creator"
.
.
.
.
. But mother what will I do with all that burning sensations

. In the middle of my chest right in my heart that fills me with different emotions

. Emotions that trethen to consume me

.but I wasn't taught to let that happen

.and I never want my emotions to be my own enemy.
.
.
.
.
. I'd like the smile on my face to remain and never leave me

. But unfortunately some people for it they envy me

. They think that I'm living the perfect life that I myself dream about!

. So just for they think, I do not experience life's toughness or what?

. And that's what I hate the most

. But I'm slowly starting to learn

. That being judged by people who aren't close to me isn't the worst

. And it even could be for my own best

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Well sorry for any mistakes since English isn't my first language and I'm still learning. What matters is the poem itself.
. Written by me with love
its_yasmiine