March 1999
Stevie was well aware that time was passing her by. She knew she had to make a decision soon regarding what she was going to do.
She sat on the steps of her front porch; waiting for Lindsey to get home with their now six month old son. He had taken him to see Will and Aunt Kristen. She was, as always, invited along but she'd been a bit of a recluse this month except for her counseling sessions with Lindsey.
Oh, the counseling sessions. She shook her head a little. They we're certainly helping work through Lindsey and Stevie's past issues and they were to the point when Lindsey left the band. The problem was, the therapy wasn't very conducive to their healing process due to everything going on with the them right now.
So, Stevie had set aside one day a week; an extra day where she could talk to the therapist alone about her personal issues, doubts, and unwavering fears that she was going to be left alone to raise two children on her own.
Lindsey didn't know she had been going to these sessions. She wasn't afraid he'd be mad, she just knew that her Lindsey wouldn't quite understand what she could discuss with a stranger and not with him. She didn't know how to tell him that all his promises of staying felt empty to her. She knew it had been over a year since he left. Perhaps she should be over it by now; but everyone grieves in their own ways and this is the first time Stevie has felt like she's been able to sit down, breathe, and work through the incredible loss of Lindsey.
There was also the issue that Stevie worried if she continued to make him wait, he would grow tired and move on to someone else. There was the bigger issue that if she were to terminate this pregnancy he would hate her and leave her for good. He wanted this baby. She could see it in his eyes and feel it in his gentle touch. He would do anything just to get her to say yes to having this baby. He firmly believed that if they worked together they could have two children only eleven months apart and it would absolutely be okay.
Maybe it would be okay. Maybe if she could let him in a little at a time like her therapist suggested, and begin to fill that tiny hole she still felt with the love of her children and Lindsey; maybe they could really do this.
She glanced down at her stomach, which she could no longer deny was starting to fill out, and she truly acknowledged this baby for the first time. She got up from where she'd been sitting and dusted off her skirt before heading inside. She glanced at the number on the cork board by the telephone and waited for someone to answer.
"Wilson's Women's Clinic; how may I help you?"
Stevie rested her hand on her stomach, "hi, I'm Stephanie Nicks and I'd like to cancel an appointment I had scheduled for Friday."
She could hear the nurse typing before she said,"all done. Anything else I can help with today Miss Nicks?"
"No, thank you." With that, Stevie hung up the phone. The next time she'd be seeing doctor Wilson would be with Lindsey so they could see how their baby was growing and make sure it was healthy.
It seems there was going to be another member of the Buckingham-Nicks family.
Lindsey arrived home shortly after and Stevie could not wait to get her hands on Max. She missed him entirely too much when she had to be away from him.
"There's my boys," she said, smiling brightly. She kissed Lindsey, a little more fiercely than she intended, but he didn't seem to mind. She took Max and held him up in the air, making him giggle. She brought him close and kissed his chubby little cheeks. He did his best to kiss her with slobbery baby kisses, "you are a much better kisser than daddy used to be!"
"I can't deny that. He's a ladies man for sure." Lindsey laughed.
"Well look at this face," Stevie said, pinching his little cheeks, "did chunky monkey eat today?"
Lindsey glances at his watch, "Kris fed him some baby food a couple hours ago."
Stevie's infant son was mouthing at her chest, letting her know he was ready to eat again. She took him to living room to sit on the couch and feed him, playing with his little legs and giggling, "look at his chunky little legs. He's so perfect."
Lindsey rested his arm around her on the back of the couch and laughs, "my brothers and I were like that. We grew into handsome men."
"Yeah well, you've got a little pudge," she giggles, poking him in the stomach.
"For your information, I am just carrying a little bit of baby weight around still."
Stevie rolls her eyes, "that is such an excuse for men to get fat."
"Yep, and I'm going to use it as long as I can." He admitted.
Stevie rocked Max gently while she fed him, knowing he was exhausted; she played with his little hands and smiled down at him, "Linds, I love you and I want another one. I want another little us running around the house. Maybe the next one will have blonde hair and brown eyes like me."
"Steph, what are you saying?" He hesitated, afraid and elated at the same time as to what she was going to say.
She took her hand and placed it over her tiny baby bump, "I cancelled my appointment and I want to have this baby with you."
Lindsey didn't say anything for a moment and then tears sprang to his eyes. He spoke quietly as Max was propped up on her shoulder, sound asleep while she patted his back gently, "really?"
"Yeah. I know we have a lot of shit to work through, but I....and don't get mad....I've been going to therapy alone once a week to help get through my trust issues. I know we're supposed to do that together and we will, but this has been really focused on the most recent time you left and that hole I feel. The therapist says if I can learn to let you in a little bit at a time and accept the love from you and our children, that hole is going to close up and we could be a very happy family." She explains.
Lindsey nods, wiping the tears from his face as Stevie leans over to kiss him gently, "I love you."
She nods, "I know you do and we all love you too. I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't give up something that was part of us. I mean look at this sweet little boy," she says, gesturing to Max who is just snoring away on her shoulder.
"I can't wait to have another one," Lindsey grins.
He moves to rest his head in her lap and she holds Max with one arm so she can run her fingers through Lindsey's hair. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes and it's moments like these that she knows everything is going to be okay. This is her family now. It was something she never expected to have, but as she rests her hand on the expanding bump on her stomach she knew this was exactly what destiny had in store for her.
Author's Note: I would have never made it through this chapter without Laceandpaperflowers and her encouragement or her faith in me. She is truly my best friend and makes me a better writer everyday.
