Javier's Chico

10.

"Mateo! ¡Aquí, ahora!" He was glad Mateo had found his voice after being so quiet and afraid of everyone in camp. The kid had a set of lungs on him for sure; and when he was hiding behind his father, he was running around laughing and yelling. Javier only seemed to yell back at Mateo in Spanish, so whenever they heard yelling, they knew exactly what Javier was doing. "No, Mateo! Not Dutch's tent!" Unfortunately, Mateo's ears chose to miraculously turn off when Javier gave him an instruction.

Javier dragged himself out of his own tent, tiredness evident in his sluggish movements. He used to think being a parent would be a breeze, he'd sleep when Mateo slept, ate when Mateo ate, it was no big deal. But God, the kid was a nightmare. He loved his boy more than anything but sometimes he sure did miss the days when he wasn't chasing a kid around at nearly one in the morning.

"Mr Van Der Linde, I am very sorry-" He rushed out an apology, his eyes darting between Dutch now sitting upright in his cot, and Hosea, barely awake on a cot opposite Dutch. He grabbed hold of Mateo's hand who only burst out laughing in response.

"Don't worry about it, he's a kid." Dutch laughed, easing some of the worry and guilt in Javier's mind.

"Thank you, sir." Mateo tugged on Javier's arm, trying to break free. Dutch really took pity on the young man, he wasn't even trying to stop Mateo. His eyes were barely even open at that point, but despite Mateo's shockingly strong grip for a three-year-old, he pushed himself forward to go back to his tent.

"¡Me estás volviendo loco!" He barked, placing his son back in the tent. He had that look in his eyes, he thought Javier's shouting was funny. "I am serious Mateo! I'm tired! Go to sleep, please..?"

"No, no, no!" He shouted back, in an attempt to run, Mateo got up quickly and tried making a bee-line for Dutch's tent again, but Javier caught him. They were causing so much of a fuss he could hear other people waking up, including Bill. The one man he actively sought to avoid.

Tears flooded his eyes, a mix of frustration and exhaustion. Maybe he would just hold onto Mateo despite his efforts to break free and wait for him to fall asleep. But it was now five hours past his bedtime and he clearly wasn't tired at all. Javier felt like he would drop at any moment, eyes too heavy to keep themselves open. His savior came in the form of a rather scruffy red union suit and scraggly hair.

"Hey, Mateo.." John. Javier worried that John's presence would set Mateo off again. "If you go to sleep now, me an' you can have some candies in the mornin'." Javier frowned, Mateo never used to need bribes to settle down.

"I'm not tired!" He pouted, still trying to break free from Javier's grip. By that point, Javier looked like he was sleeping sitting up.

"I know kid, but sometimes you gotta do things you don't wanna do. Look at your pa, you're upsettin' him. You don't like it when he's sad, do you?"

Mateo used to be in a routine before they ran off from Mexico. Perhaps he'd gotten used to the sleepless nights in the deserts while Javier fought off rattlesnakes and other wildlife. Back home, Mateo would be already asleep by eight at night, now it was sort of a gamble what time he'd go to sleep.

"No.." The boy looked at Javier, even he could tell Javier was tired.

"Attaboy. Off to bed with you, go on."

"But-"

"Go on."

His big eyes looked between both men, Javier's exhausted eyes, John's stern face, before he gave up being defiant. He wrapped himself up in Javier's poncho, lay his head against the makeshift pillow and shut his eyes. Finally, peace.

Javier leaned over, sweeping the curls out of Mateo's eyes. His skin was warm as he kissed his forehead, seeing a little smile form on his son's face. "Te amo, chiquito." He said softly, squeezing the boy's upper arm before leaving him to sleep.

Javier dried the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. He couldn't sleep yet, there was still so many things he needed to do. He needed to take Mateo's clothes down to the lake and clean the dirt off them, polish his boots, all while keeping an eye on the slippery little kid. There just wasn't enough time in the day for it all, his brain felt fried and all he wanted to do was rest. He wanted so much, but if he could pick just one thing, he wanted to go home. He was poor there, he was a wanted man and he was afraid that every day the army would find him. But still, he could've stayed, Mateo was happier there. They both were.

John saw the cogs turning in Javier's brain, he saw how slow and sad his movements were as he sorted through the pile of clothing. Everyone in camp knew Javier was getting homesick, they knew it was bad too. He was doing great; he was fitting in, he was laughing and joking, but at night he just wanted to be alone to his thoughts. Now John was in no way one for feelings, empathy, but even he felt sorry for the poor guy. Javier fought for what was right back home, even looking past the bad things he had done, he was just a young guy trying to raise a child alone.

The tent stayed quiet as he folded the clean clothing and threw the dirty ones into a pile. He felt rather awkward that John hadn't left, and that he was looking rather...anxious being there. Until finally he smirked and nudged Javier's shoulder. "Hey, you think you'd ever want another kid?"

"No. Mateo...not an accident, but I didn't expect him. And he is not bad, I just want to be a good dad." He responded, his voice in a hush so he didn't disturb the boy. He got to the last pieces of clothing, grimacing at how muddy it all was. It was a mystery how Mateo ended up with all these holes in his socks. "Did you want something?"

"I was wondering—Um, if you're not busy sometime, I wanna take you somewhere." Javier raised an eyebrow, while he combed through his son's mane of hair. "Not too far, I just wanna have some alone time with you." John's eyes were big while he smiled, eagerly expecting a yes.

"I can't. Not with Mateo." And that hope, the smile, quickly fizzled away.

It had been a long time since Javier had been alone. Not just when Mateo was asleep and he had a moment of peace to himself, but alone, going out somewhere without his needy toddler. Mateo needed him all of the time, he was three of course and kids his age needed the attention, plus, Javier was really all Mateo knew.

Which was the only reason Javier said no. "I can't. He's too young...And he is not good with Arthur."

"Arthur can handle him. He's great with kids. Oh, please Javier? Just one night? You're exhausted.." His hand almost reached to touch Javier's scarred cheek, to cradle his face, but he managed to hold himself back.

And God John was right. Maybe he did deserve a break, some rest. Maybe even catch up on some much needed and well overdue sleep.

"Please don't waste my time." Javier touched John's knee, finding themselves both blushing.