The Worst Fanfiction Ever

Chapter 5: A New Plan

Trees passed by in a dark blur as Will Schuester's car rattled down the deserted backroads. His gravelly old speakers blared some cheesy 80s tune while the irritating grumbling sound of a broken muffler played alongside. But I was too nervous to be annoyed with the music, the car, and even Mr. Schue's incessant need to sing along.

Rachel must've heard Schuester call me by my real name the other day. Rory had said she was just around the corner after all. But what on earth was she doing with Rodrick?

I almost didn't go to school Monday morning, but I figured I was going to get busted no matter where I was and I might as well say goodbye to all my friends in the Glee club while I had the chance.

Now that I had all of my measly belongings packed in my locker, I was completely prepared for a clean break. My plan was to spend the day at school, say my goodbyes, and sneak out the backdoor before Rodrick or Rachel could enact whatever plan they had for 3 pm.

I know what you're thinking, how was I ever going to make it out of Lima on foot? Well, I had a plan for that, too. Sitting in the glove box of Mr. Schuester's beat-up SUV was the little bag of pills I had stolen from Rodrick. Over the weekend I put two and two together that we hadn't been drugging Rachel with anything as tame as aspirin, we had been using some kind of seriously harmful pharmaceutical pain killers, oxy-something?

Anyways, an anonymous tip to the police would leave him sitting in the Lima jailhouse with me ready to take his second car right from his garage. The fake driver's license and the spare house key he gave me might actually come in handy.

I was so lost in thought I didn't hear Rory approaching me.

"Top of the morning, Gerg!" He said in a sing-song voice, his face cheery and smiley as ever. I stifled a chuckle and rolled my eyes, Rory could be such a silly goose sometimes.

"Yeah you too, man." I shook my head gently in mock disapproval.

"So Brittany and I are throwing a party on Friday and I was wondering if you wanted to help us cohost? Basically what you'd be doing is reversing anything Brittany does. She keeps talking about wanting to do a dinosaur theme?" Rory began to rant, but I cut him off while I still had the nerve.

"Listen, Rory..." I said with a sigh. He cocked his head, a concerned look taking over his usual happy one. "I-I'm leaving tonight. Moving. Like, far. Out of the country, even."

Rory didn't say anything for a full thirty seconds. Students and teachers passed us by in a blur, and the warning bell rang for first period. Suddenly, his mouth cracked into a tight smile and he looked down at his feet.

"I guess I always knew this would happen," he half chuckled, half sighed. This time it was my turn to look confused.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Dude, when we first met, Schuester picked you up off the side of the road. That doesn't sound suspicious to you?" He snapped, suddenly a little frustrated. I was taken aback. In all the time I'd spent with him in the past four months, I'd never seen him angry. I had also never considered that anyone would question my strange and sudden appearance at their school.

"I was...I was..." I tried to come up with a lie to explain why I had been alone on the side of the road. But I couldn't. What was happening to me? I'd never not been able to come up with a lie before. Rory turned away. "Rory, wait!" I managed, grabbing his arm. He turned around, and we were face to face.

"What is it, Gerg?" he barked.

"Well...for starters," I paused and tried to ignore the dry feeling in my mouth. "Gerg isn't my real name."

I told Rory the whole story. He didn't speak at all until I had finished, and even then he was quiet for a minute or two. We were standing in the teacher's parking lot behind the school, mid-day sun blaring out over the sea of snow on the football field so I had to squint to catch Rory's facial expressions, which were unreadable anyways.

"Wow," Rory said eventually. "Wow. I really wish you told me all this earlier. I'm sorry for freaking out on you, I had no idea what you were going through."

"Can you blame me? I never want to go home again. Faking my death and changing my identity was the only way. I want to leave Greg Heffley behind. I'm Gerg now, Gerg Herfley." I remarked, newfound confidence in my voice.

Rory just sighed. "Well, I'll miss you."

"Weren't you going back to Ireland at the end of the year anyways?" I asked with a huff, slightly annoyed. Why did he get to be all pissy if he was just going to leave me anyways?

"What?" Rory said, stunned. "Why would you even-" he paused and regained his composure. "All I was trying to say was that I enjoyed being your friend and getting to know you, even if I wasn't getting to know the real you. You're my best friend, Gerg." Rory smiled tentatively, resting his hand on my shoulder.

"Rory, I-"

"Gerg! Leprechaun boy!" The back doors swung open and Sue burst into the courtyard. "Get to class before I use you as cannon balls and shoot you into your math lesson!" She threatened.

"Yes ma'am!" Rory exclaimed urgently, following Sue's orders.

"And don't call me ma'am! I'm 27." She reminded us as we left.

I used all of my class time to talk to my friends. I didn't want to tell anyone I was leaving, just in case Rachel caught wind and wanted to get a head start on whatever she was planning with Rodrick. The end of the day was getting closer and closer, and soon enough it was time for the last class of the day, Glee.

I sat in my usual spot on the risers between Rory and Britney. Rory still seemed a little down from our conversation earlier, he hardly even noticed when Sam sat down right next to him.

That was when Rachel walked in. She was pale, more pale than usual even, and sweating despite the arid weather. She seemed on edge, her eyes darting around the room like at any moment something might jump out from behind the piano and slushie her. I tried not to let it bother me.

Mr. Schue had us practicing another duet in no time. I turned to Rory, but he had already walked off with Sam. Ugh.

"Hey Gerg, feel like making something up to me?" Quinn poked my arm as she rolled across the classroom floor. I felt a flush of embarrassment. Here I was, about to abandon her again after today.

"Sure, Quinn," I said with a small grin, trailing after her. We do sound pretty good together, after all. A few minutes of awkward sing-mumbling later, and we were actually starting to sound halfway decent. That's when I noticed Rory glaring at me from across the room, while he was dancing with Sam nonetheless! I shot him back an indignant smirk and went back to singing with Quinn.

The bell rang all too soon.

"See you tomorrow!" Mercedes yelled to Tina.

"Bye, sluts!" Santana shouted.

I mumbled something in return and did my best to slip quietly out the back door.

My fingers trembled as I dialed 911 on my burner phone.

"911, what's your emergency." The voice on the other side of the line said

crisply. I took a sharp breath before speaking,

"I'm a concerned parent picking up my kid at William McKinley High and uh," I try to lower my voice as I speak, to sound more manly. "-there's something weird going on in the back parking lot. There's this teacher I saw snorting something and shoving it into his glove box. License plate number SCHSTR." I quickly end the call and toss the phone into Sue's gas chamber.

I hear the muffled ringing of the final school bell through the brick walls. It's 3 o'clock.