Some Thing Called Myself (Complete)

LVII: Something Crumbles (Part Two)

Ch. 57: Something Crumbles (Part Two)

Mara stepped away from him and shook her head. "No. I was there when she was born. Dad was away; I was the first one to hold her."

Beh shared a gaze with someone at Mara's back, and when Mara turned around, she saw Tai closing the door to her room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Stopping all those people from gawking at you," Tai mumbled. At Tai's sides, Mimi and Godo stood. Mara expected them to look angry or uncomfortable or bothered, but there was nothing but concern about the way they approached her.

A sound left Mara's throat. A sneer or a whimpering, she wasn't sure—it was the sound of realization sinking in. The sound of something breaking inside her. Mara remembered the photo on the altar and how strange it was that Kiki was in it. Mara was nineteen in that photo; Kiki wasn't supposed to be alive yet. And there were also the smaller things.

The way Kiki always seemed to be around when she started to lose her mind or when she needed someone to talk to. The way that not one of her friends in the HQ had ever said a word about Kiki—and also the strange way that things simply didn't add up in her memories. She remembered Godo and Mimi helping with her luggage, but how the hell had Kiki arrived in the HQ? And there was more. Much more. A maelstrom of memories and facts and thoughts that made her mind run, her knees losing strength.

And she knew it would start.

Mara recognized the whirlwind of feelings sedimenting into the start of yet. Another. Panic attack. She could deal with Jano being a fucker; she could deal with the painful memories tormenting her, and she could fucking and with the weight of being the major failure she was—but this?

Losing her sister?

Mara sobbed and slapped a hand on her mouth to stop the sound.

No. That she couldn't.

"Mara, hey," Tai tried.

"Stay away," she said. "I...c-can't," she said, wheezing, a hand gripping the front of her shirt as if that could help her breathe. Her squad stepped closer; their presence was hot and uncomfortable and it made her so embarrassed. "Go. Go away!" she shouted, her voice scraping against her throat.

Mara found just enough strength to get up, her fingers twitching.

"Hey, you're not in shape to go out," Mimi said.

"We still need to find out what the Famaliá did to you," Tai added.

"Mara, breathe," Godo continued. "Everything's gonna be okay, just breathe."

"No. Mara! Please don't go," Beh completed with a whimper.

But she needed to. She needed to leave this room and track Jano in order to find Kiki, but these feelings, these thoughts, these damned everything warring inside her barely let her concentrate. Her knees buckled as she shut her eyes, and two strong arms gave her support.

"Mara, please let us help," Beh tried again.

"No," she grumbled. In the back of her mind, she knew what was happening inside her. Breathe, calm down, her mother's voice said, but she couldn't. The darkening sight, the oxygen that failed to reach her brain, and the intense sense of doom that made the muscles in her chest ache. Still, she couldn't avoid it. It was always Mom who helped her when she was like this. And later, once Mom disappeared, only Kiki could do it.

An image spread in her mind like the very fog that inhabited Mara's city.

The Kerana tree.

No matter how weakened it was, the tree always managed to calm her. Time and time again, the tree had proved her strength, and Mara just knew that the same would happen this time too!