I Didn't Mean To

3: Racoons

I plop down on the couch with fresh clothes and turn on the tv. I'm ready for a full night of a new series. Maybe I should make some popcorn. Actually thinking of it I decided against the thought. The last time the microwave almost exploded. I swear it made a weird fucking sound i've never heard before. It freaked me out. Mental note: buy a new microwave. Not ready to die of radiation thank you. That would be such a lame way to die anyway. If I were to die of an accident that would not be the way I would go. Probably from being eaten by a giraffe or something; much more exciting maybe a little painful but better than dying from lame radiation.

I just turn on the news and get up to get some chips instead. What kind I don't know yet. I'm sure I'll surprise myself in the next 45 seconds. I turn to go around the couch when what was just said from the tv actually catches my attention. "... has escaped and is seen as highly dangerous. Officials suggest staying indoors as much as possible. If seen please report to the police." A picture of said dangerous man is shown.

I'm not going to lie, he's kind of hot. If you were to think of a person with mental... Difficulties that are not what someone would typically picture. The first thing I notice is his eyes. They're a colour I've never seen on a persons eyes before: red. Not like red rainbow like red rose like the dress from Alberta.

Also, he doesn't fit the typical "hot'' crazy book-boyfriend trope either. Sure he has a few distinct and sharp features but there's this calm feeling when I look at him. A sense that he might not be as crazy as what the news lady is saying. He must be there for a reason I reason.

I wonder what he did to end up in a place like a mental facility. Much more fortress looking than where I was I realize as pictures of the broken wire fence displayed on the screen. What could he have used to break a fence like that? It's completely sliced through; one clean cut.

I exit out of news going to netflix. I think back to that man as I walk into the kitchen and open my snack cupboard under the counter in the middle of the kitchen. I bend down and stare at all my potential victims. I think I want something sweet. Watermelon sugar gummies it is. I reach behind the halloween bin full of chocolate that will never be touched and grab the half eaten bag of deliciousness. I stand back up and close the cupboard and walk back to the couch. I plop down and get comfortable while snacking on the gummies. The sugary sweetness is absolutely magnificent. It's a little stale from not being sealed fully but still amazing. I scroll through the potential new monthly obsession romance mystery series.

I can't help but think back to the guy who escaped the asylum. I wonder how he ended up in that kind of position. Maybe he ate his family. His face pops up in my head uninvited, maybe not he doesn't seem like that. But then again I bet people don't look at me and think I've made an attempt on my mothers life so I shouldn't make assumptions. Yet, I continue to think of things he could have done. Maybe he was a part of a cult sacrificing the elderly in hopes of meeting some deity that would give them peace by bringing them to its home someplace not like heaven but not like hell either someplace where there are no morals, no values, no judgment. That seems like a perfect mix of heaven and hell. If there is someplace like that then that is where I would end up. It would be called Lleavean. A beautiful perfect mix of heaven's open doors and hell's guarded gates. Maybe he was the leader I think snacking on another gummy.

I pass a particular mature cover of a movie and stay on its profile reading its description. It'a about a girl and her friend's stalker. This could be interesting. Fits the situation going on outside.

This is one of the rare occasions where I am genuinely content. Most people can't have that which makes me lucky in a sense. I am responsible for myself and myself only. No children to constantly worry for, no family to check up on, no pets to keep me too busy. Nothing to truly take me out of my own comfort. Although I think I want a cat. Maybe a snake actually. Or possibly a possum they're actually a little cute. I wonder how much a lizard is now.

I went through this reptile faze when I was 13 and begged my mom for a bearded lizard. She obviously said no. That's when that summer I decided to get a secret job in hopes of buying it myself. After I saved up $200 I looked up its cost of living and almost immediately decided against it. I can just keep myself company anyway.

I revel in my own company. I am just a person, not someone who has too much or too little of anything. I greatly consider myself someone who has good values, morals and expectations. Someone who is decently successful who is able to support themselves comfortably and without too much worry. My job can be stressful but the kind that isn't unbearable.

Stress is always with you; an emotion or rather feeling that can never truly be gone forever; an emotion that will arise at any given point in your lifetime; an emotion I have accepted as a reminder of my living being when I feel nothing. It is something most people dread and find utterly horrible; however, it is something I find to be an awakening. Something that I know will never fail to keep me on my toes. It does something to me. Makes me more alert and aware.

There are of course the downsides that I do not wish for: the poorer feelings that other people feel more often which is of course: dread. Dreading the reason for said stress. Whether that be of your personal or professional life. Stress is everywhere and it is in moments like these where I am content without the need of stress to remind me of my living self.

About three quarters of this now dreadfully boring movie later there is a loud thud that disturbs the boring but otherwise calm atmosphere. I wonder what that was. Maybe there's a robber. It could have been the sound of something falling perhaps my water bottle I do remember leaving it on the edge of my night stand. But why would it now fall? It could be the psychopath on the loose. I'm quite excited if it is that last option. It certainly is a possibility. It is also quite scary I have to admit. It's unlikely but still entirely a possibility.

It could have just been a raccoon too. Maybe I left my office window open. Maybe it climbed the tree opposite the window and jumped in. That would be a large jump covering a great distance, however I have experienced quite terrifying things when it comes to those beasts and have realized that their abilities and what they're capable of is beyond me. They can be quite terrifying.

How can you really decide if someone or something is not a threat? Racoons can seem innocent and cute. I myself have unfortunately seen cute funny videos with children cuddling them and petting them. (I am not one to pray but I do it for the souls of those children) I truly know how savage these creatures can truly be and truly are.

Most of the rumors or sayings surrounding these animals are  negative however they are not completely obliged or listened to; looking at the amount of people you see that are approaching them. They are intelligent deceiving and manipulative creatures who deserve to be shunned and placed on a self-inhabitable island with just its species and species it can coexist with and be tame with. That is one explanation as to why I cannot stand them. Although, my trauma with those things runs deeper than that of what can be used to explain the reason for the abnormal characteristics of my one true enemy: racoons.

That begs the answer to the question; how can you truly know when or if you can trust someone or something? I hope the answer will reveal itself sooner rather than later. It would have forever been haunting my darkest thoughts if not for me only now figuring it out: you can't.