Sinag

Prologue

The darkness is where it all started.

There was nothing. Nothing but darkness.

Until one day, the light was created. Light came from no-one-knows-where.

I stared stoically and directly into the sun, feeling the heat of it on my skin while wondering... why?

Why did God create that light if it wouldn't be given to everyone?

Why is He letting people be left in the darkness while other people were given the opportunity to be saved and be accompanied by this light from Him?

Isn't it unfair?

I stretched my hand, trying to reach the light in the sky,

thinking and hoping that I can do it and that if I reach it, it can save me from the darkness where I am in right now.

But I can't. He won't let me have it.

A loner tear fell from my eye, as the hopes in my heart crushed, and it hurts. It hurts so much, even if it was already crushed hundreds of times now.

It hurts so much that I am willing to do anything... anything just to escape from the dark hell that I am in right now.

And If God can't give me the peace that I've been longing for, the light that I've been looking for,

then I'll go get it on my own.

With my shaking feet, I took a small step forward.

I closed my eyes as I savored this very moment:

The smell of the freshwater lingered in my nostrils; the wind was now dancing vivaciously, which made my long hair and lovely white long dress dance with it; and the sun...

I opened my eyes, and stilled the moment I saw what's happening in the sky.

The sun that was gleaming earlier now's slowly hiding behind the cotton-like clouds, that's all dark now compared earlier.

I pursed my lips together while watching the sun slowly hide. I watched how the light from it disappeared completely. Leaving me with the dark clouds.

Then suddenly, it started raining.

I cried when the whole sky turned dark, as well.

It feels like it was intentionally running away from me. The light. His light.

Like it was really not meant for me to have. And I can't explain how agonizing this is for me right now.

I looked at the water below me before looking back at the dark sky, imagining that I was now having an eye-to-eye contact with God,

How can you expect me to continue, when You made me lose my only will of continuing?

“I'm tired...” I weakly whispered in the air.

I'm tired of looking for that light that You won't ever give me.

I'm tired of thinking about how to survive everyday.

And I'm tired of waiting for someone, You, at least, to offer me a hand when I was in deep-deep agony.

Taking a deep breath, I let my tears flow in my cheeks, closed my eyes, before letting myself fall into the deep water.

A loud splash was made as my body fell, and I felt the insufferable pain impact on my body.

My body kept falling deeper and deeper and deeper, and that's when I finally opened my eyes.

Opposed as to what I've been hoping to see today,

Darkness' the one who welcomed me.

Once more, I felt absolutely shattered and crushed.

That everywhere I go, it's darkness who's accompanying me.

A large amount of water continues to come inside my nose and mouth, which makes me feel this excruciating pain in my chest. It was so hard to breathe, the pain that I am feeling is unexplainable.

But the physical pain that I am feeling right now is nothing compared to the emotional and mental pain that I am into, from the moment I was born in this world.

“Did you really think that someone would want you to be part of their family? E, sarili mo ngang pamilya inabandona ka. Just accept it... that you'll be in this hell for the rest of your life.”

“How dare you utter such a thing, you liar!”

“N-No... No, Madre. I am telling the truth! Believe me, por favor! Believe me, Pa—”

“Silencio! Kneel!”

“Hermana! Mi hermanita!”

“I-It... It... h-h-hurts... P-Por favor, sálvame!"

“Shh. Be a good girl, and be quiet. Okay?”

“S-Stop, p-please...”

They said good memories will flash back in your mind when you're on the verge of dying.

Unfortunately, I lived with the opposite of the word "good".

So maybe... maybe that's why the opposite is what I've remembered.

See? See how unfair God is to me?

The small smile in my lips slowly grew, and became a big one when I felt the racking pain inside my chest. My heart.

Like it's slowly stopping from beating.

Finally...

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A/N: so... how was it?