One Last Night As Friends

Sex? Sex!

The rest of the car ride was tense. The walk up to Shouta's building was tense. The elevator ride up was tense. Hizashi held his shoulders stiff as he clutched at Shouta's hand, their fingers intertwined tightly together like they had been the entire car ride and he was worried his sweating palm was off putting. Here he was finally holding Shouta's hand, large enough to fit perfectly with his own large and slender hand but rough with dry skin and years of work.

Little scars littered his fingers from where they had cut open from using them to subdue villains or criminals, years of slamming them into punching bags. And here he was with the sweatiest palm on the face of the planet. His hand was practically suction cupped to Shouta's, his face burning in embarrassment at just how his nervousness showed itself. And while he was still eager, still desperate.

To touch Shouta and to have the black-haired man touch him in kind he had to admit nervousness was squeezing inside his core and making his stomach roll and heave. It threatened, just like before the kiss, to upend itself out of Hizashi and he didn't want to do that. It'd change the whole mood of the night and the possibilities of the night if he puked now. He swallowed nervously as he peeked at Shouta from the corner of his eye, face uncomfortably hot.

He stared at the other man only to jump and look away quickly when his gaze met Shouta's. Awkward, so very awkward. To be caught peeking at the other man just as the other was peeking at him. His toes wiggled in his boots, his fingers twitching and flexing before settling back between Shouta's as he took a deep breath and let it out making those dark eyes turn to him again. Just calm down!

Calm down, calm down! Deep breaths, just take deep breaths! Breathe in, one, two, three, four. Shouta never said anything more would happen, you idiot! Just stay calm.

Breath out, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. They were going to talk. It's okay, it's okay. It wasn't that he was scared of sex with Shouta, more like he was scared he wouldn't live up to some expectation that they both held for it finally happening. Scared that Shouta was going to scold him, lecture him, tell him to forget all about the kiss itself despite its heat. It's desperation. The fact that Hizashi couldn't shake the feeling Shouta wanted him just as badly.

Just as desperately. He didn't want to scare him away though. He didn't want to scare him. Shouta Aizawa may seem like an absolute asshole, and he was sometimes, but the man was wonderfully blunt sometimes. Awkward, skittish as a feral cat and cautious of everything around him. Curious, hesitant. Shouta could very easily be spooked, be put off by what Hizashi had to say if he didn't phrase this properly and he didn't do it in a careful manner.

The last thing he wanted, the worst thing he could even do, was make things painfully awkward between them and cause Shouta to stop talking to him because he did something wrong. He didn't want to always be the first one to reach out to Shouta, didn't want to be the first one to cross the bridge and extend his olive branch out. No, he wanted to be on the same page as Shouta. He didn't want to be one page ahead or one page behind.

He didn't want to be halfway to the bottom while Shouta was still at the top. He wanted to be at the same pace, the same line on that page as the other man but that was hard. After all, he always let Shouta do what he was comfortable with. Hell, he didn't even touch him until Shouta grabbed him first! He always let Shouta take the lead, always let the other go at his own pace and he was okay with that, perfectly okay!

But it was painful sometimes. Painful when he wanted to reach out and muss up his dark hair, see if it was dry or soft as it looked. Painful when he wanted to wrap his arms around Shouta's shoulders when they walked away from their interrogation of Kurogiri, of Shirakumo, in the prison and he'd seen tears rushing down his face. Dripping off the edge of his jaw, slithering down his throat.