There was always you

1 | The non blushing bride

Adira Bowen

It was moments like this where it truly felt like time had flown by too fast.

It felt like only just yesterday I was texting my friends about a cute boy whom I'd spotted in the library. Then, all of a sudden, I find myself at our rehearsal dinner, about to marry him.

The dress I sat in felt as if it was cutting off my circulation. I didn't know if it was that or maybe the overwhelming nerves that kept me at unease.

I was marrying the man I'd been in love with for five years. It was a day I'd been waiting for what felt like ever, but now that it's here. It almost felt like it was about to rush by.

Everything during this year itself seems just to be swept away by the urgency of preparations for a singular day. I didn't have the feeling my mom budged about; the want to try on my dress twelve times the night before.

I felt excited and anxious. I could barely pick at my dinner with the amount of eyes on me just at this rehearsal dinner. My thoughts were in a whirl as Jace's parents spoke to us. I'd been here physically, but mentally, I was a mess.

I'd been waiting for this day all year. But I'd rather have married Jace in a more intimate setting and manner. Not some big fatuous party that makes the local paper.

Then, the sound of a fork hitting a glass distracts me, and I notice that his dad has stepped away, now stealing the attention of the room.

"I'd like to make a toast to my son Jace and his beautiful fiancé Adira." He smiles at me graciously and proudly as I stand there with my hand intertwined with his sons. I was the daughter the Sterlings never had.

"Adira we are more than delighted to accept you into our family, we wish you and Jace, a lifetime of happiness and love, to the future bride and groom!" The sounds of dear family and friends clapping their hands together in cheers for his half-assed speech as I raise my glass of champagne that felt heavier than usual.

A lump in my throat blocked me from any words of thank you. But I just smiled at him instead. I feel Jace's lips against my cheek as every eye in the room settles on me.

It was an overwhelming feeling. But I was here because I loved Jace and wanted to marry him. Today was about the parents; tomorrow it was about us.

A bright glint of adoration is shown on his face as he stares at me. He squeezed my hands lightly, and I took a steadied breath.

"I promise tomorrow should be better; I know tonight is not exactly what you envisioned." He brings my hand to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss against it.

It was almost as if he could read what I was thinking. So I nodded in agreement, leaning my head against his chest as he fiddled with my hair. He was a sounding board when I needed it. He understood me in ways that most didn't.

My eyes glance across the room to see my maid of honor, Kate. She'd been my best friend since we were just eleven years old, scraping our knees on wood chips at playgrounds. She smirked at me and tilted her glass my way as I frowned.

She knew parties and celebrations were always a bit overstimulating for me. This wasn't even the real deal, just the fake version of tomorrow. The crowd of strangers would be much bigger, and I'd feel much smaller.

I feel like for brides, there is a stereotype of how they should feel on their wedding day. As if everything should be in complete bliss. But in reality, half the time, she's worrying about how she looks or how people may think she looks. Did everything she planned to go to shit, or did the venue workout.

I had a million worries on my mind about stuff I didn't even fully care about. More so stuff that my mother cared about.

When it came to planning my wedding, At points, it felt like I was a bystander in my own life, just being moved in a certain direction.