Izzy & Noah

Thirty-Nine: Commitment - I Won't Give Up on Us

˝I don't like the nightlife either, I like to stay at home, listen to music, watch TV, I'm dressed comfortably. I'm not hot, there's no one pushing me all the time, and I don't like all this air filled with thousands of perfumes. ˝ I say back.

Anger, fear, uncertainty. A mixture of everything, because I don't know what awaits me, what awaits us.

˝If I only have two months left with you, I want to make the most of them. I don't want to be dragged down by sadness. I want us to live because I don't want to regret a single day of your life. ˝I can't stop, it seems like it's my life, but it's really his life.

In life, with such a difficult diagnosis, you have a choice of two things: you can either go home and cry, or you can use every minute of your life to be happy, to do what makes you happy, to create, to be everything you never dared to be.

A cancer diagnosis really shows you how fleeting and mortal we are, how much fear and trembling there is. It turns everything upside down. All the beliefs in your life and the things you used to worry about become completely meaningless.

But the path to knowledge is long.

˝Izzy, I don't know what to tell you. ˝ his mind is blank; he looks at me confused.

I have said too many things, I have opened up too many topics, I know we will be able to have a thorough discussion, find a way and a solution, organise everything.

But we will, we already are.

Even if it's hard.

I hug him.

This surprises him and he hugs me back. He buries himself in my hair and breathes in. So, do I.

Although today is different. He is different. He's lost a few kilos, which I'm probably the only one to notice.

"You are my Noah. ˝ I say.

Raw, honest.

I'll take care of you and guide you even when you can't do it yourself, I'll be your eyes when it's too hard to look, your feet when you can't walk in the world anymore and your head when you're looking for the right words. ˝ I say, hugging him even tighter.

˝What have I done to deserve you? ˝ he replies.

I really don't have an answer to that question. But I believe in destiny and that everyone gets what they deserve in life, that they have to go through some difficult situations and then appreciate everything that comes.

For a moment I look into his eyes, into the eyes of the ocean. Even though the light is bad.

They remind me of the sea, where I find the most peace, they remind me of the sky without a cloud, of the summer that comes and goes every year. It reminds me of life.

I kiss him.

Lightly, but with passion, because I want him to feel how much I missed him, how much I thought about him, how much I tried to find the courage to visit him, how much I longed for him.

˝I missed you.˝ I reply when we stop kissing.

He was stunned by all the words and his eyes were shining.

We continue kissing. He slowly kisses my lips, my cheek, my neck. He opened my dress, which was tied behind my neck, and when the upper part was down to my waist, he bit me when he saw that I was not wearing anything under the dress.

And he continues to kiss me. He kisses me up to my navel and slowly pulls the dress off so I'm naked in front of him.

I have never felt more loved than with Noah.

His eyes light up and my mind goes blank.

Come on. I say and he follows me to the bed. We kiss, I bite his lip and push him onto the bed.

I take off his trousers and briefs, it's a good thing he's wearing tracksuit bottoms.

I release his erection.

I want to remember every part of his body, every point on his goat.

It's as if we were making love for the last time.

I slowly lower myself to his erection and as I lick his head, he moans how good it tastes.

And I keep pulling and sucking. And he moans more and more, thrusting into my mouth. I stop.

Don't stop Izzy, he'll be coming soon. ˝ he says looking at me.

There will be time. I climb on him and ride him.

How good it is to feel him again, as if we were connected again.

I rock up and down slowly, faster and harder.

I'm close.

And Noah's breathing has changed too, which means he is too.

Everything is better, wild, passionate, wet.

I feel alive.

When he comes to me and I explode on him. With pleasure, as if I were deeply relaxed.

Noah finishes behind me.

I roll off of him onto the bed and we both lick from such wild sex.

Of orgasm.

There is no need for words, that we are more than a sexual match, that we are made for each other. I jump to my feet and pick up my clothes.

Where are you going? Noah asks, confused.

˝To the toilet and to get ready. ˝ I will be right back. I answer and go into the bathroom to freshen up and get into my pyjamas.

When I came back, Noah was already dressed and sitting at the computer. Everything is put away as if we had done nothing. It touches my heart.

"Good night," I whisper softly, my words lingering in the quiet room.

"Aren't you going to sleep here?" he asks, his voice laced with a hint of concern.

I pause, uncertainty creeping in. "I don't know if I can," I reply, my heart caught between desire and doubt.

He smiles, the warmth of it melting my hesitation. "Of course, you can always be here. You're mine," he says, his tone steady and confident.

A wave of relief washes over me, and with a smile, I answer, "Then I will, if you want me to."

He gets up from the computer, effortlessly shutting it off, his focus now entirely on me. He reaches for my arm, guiding me toward the bed, where I fall into the softness of the sheets, enveloped in the scent of him.

The air is filled with Noah—his warmth, his presence.

I can't help but laugh, a deep, genuine laugh that feels freeing. And when I look up, his smile is like sunlight breaking through the clouds, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

In an instant, we are tangled together, laughing, holding each other close, moving in perfect harmony. Love and laughter filling the space between us.

"Good night, my love," I murmur, my voice soft with affection.

"Same to you," he replies, his voice thick with sleep and warmth.

And with that, the day closes—a swirl of emotions, of highs and lows, of sorrow and joy, of love and longing.

But Sunday comes too soon.

I wake with the faintest flutter of confusion, alone in Noah's bed. My heart races. Was it all a dream? Did we really share that moment, that intimacy, those wild, tender hours?

I turn over, taking a deep breath.

Breathe, Izzy. I tell myself, trying to steady the whirlwind inside me.