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𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐄𝐒 (18+)
@ @𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲
𝐛𝐧𝐡𝐚 x reader
a pill followed by the first shot of the night. i grip the counter top of the rusty bar. second pill. second shot. i now grip my hair, a soft but manic chuckle escaping my cracked and bleeding lips. my nose softly smooshes against the countertop. my finger closing the left nostril as the second one sucks up angel dust like a vacuum. third shot. third pill. Finally, i look up catching my reflection in the mirror. hair matted, nose red and trickling with snow, my eyes are bloodshot and tears poor down my red cheeks as the booze pours from my sloppy cracked lips.
"Fuck!" I scream, throwing the empty shot glass at the mirror holding my reflection. I ditch the glasses and go straight for the bottle, alcohol now tasting dangerously like water. dirty dance goth pop. it blares shamelessly on the radio. Clad in only but skimpy little tank top and a pair of low-rise panties, I start throwing my head around and swinging my body in tune to the dream pop goth symphonies.
My mind flashes to when life was different. Dancing to this same music at a live gig with my other fucked up friends. swinging our bodies around each other, just as fucked up as I am now. except it was fun. I glimpse at myself in the mirror. now it's painful.
my dancing becomes sloppy, running my hair through my knotted hair, gripping it with all my strength. I look awful. Shrunken in, my body used to be so much more plump. bruised, battered, bleeding, marked. I was such a slut now. I was destroyed. Finally, the fourth shot followed the fifth, which then followed the sixth. fourth pill. My heart suddenly starts swelling as my vision blurs like time stopped. the swelling turns into vigorous racing. The dirty music now sounds very lovely. I look down at my hands. blood.
I fucking killed someone.
I fucked someone.
and then I killed them.
I was a shriveled-up rose that was once a bud. after being deflowered, I didn't bloom, i shriveled up and rotted away.
I was once beautiful, free-spirited, smart, cool, and funny. I was perfect. I was pure. It was fun. I loved life.
drugs used to be fun.
My hand traced the piercing on my belly button reaching up to the stars tattooed on my hips. tracing up to the dermal pierced on my chest, trailing further to my face. I traced the piercings on my face, sticking out my tongue to feel the last piercing.
piercings used to be so cool and I was so excited for them.
but I was indeed too young to be marked like this in such a negative way.
I was too young to be trashed.
and it was all their fault.
after all this was their plan all along, to ruin me, to destroy me so no one else could want me and i'd be all theirs.
helloo :)
this isn't edited i cant be fucked rn I'm just releasing crap for the time being to see if anyone is even interested so
this fic is for mature audience and is definitely not for everyone, this little time skip intro is basically what the intensity of this fic will be like. its very dark, so if this kind of thing isn't for you i have a lot of other stories on my page that are a lot more light-hearted and fun :)
