ᴡʜɪꜱᴘᴇʀꜱ ᴏꜰ ʟᴏᴠᴇ'ꜱ ᴜɴᴅᴏɪɴɢ | ᴋᴀᴇʏᴀxʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

1.

Reeling and swaying within his dimly lit, musty living room, Kaeya's bleary eyes struggled to make sense of his surroundings. Time seemed to blur, lost in the haze of alcohol that consumed him. The buzzing in his head momentarily drowned out the roaring of his troubled thoughts. Desperately, he reached out, seeking something, anything, to anchor himself, but his unsteady grasp only led him to collapse onto the cluttered sofa. The worn, tattered cushions offered no comfort, buried beneath a chaotic landscape of strewn clothes, empty bottles, and whiskey glasses. Eventually after much slow struggle, Kaeya surrendered to the false solace of alcohol, his heavy eyelids giving way to a restless, nightmarish slumber.

He had not left his home in weeks; a lengthy trail of neglected bills scattered at the doorway, dishes sticky with moldy remnants, and forgotten. What was the point? After all, the outside world only offered him relentless taunts, whispering backchat and piercing glares. He could no longer perform his Cavalry duties either, since citizens of Mondstadt had begun to protest upon Kaeya's arrival. They all insisted that they would rather die than be helped by a dishonest, manipulative royal spy. After complaints poured through to Headquarters like a waterfall, Jean had no choice but to let Kaeya go. Kaeya didn't blame her - he would have sacked himself much earlier, if he were in her shoes.

There was nothing left for him in this world; his job, reputation, freedom were all rightfully snatched from him the second his brother Diluc had returned. Mondstadt's seething hatred of Kaeya was not the only punishment he suffered. He was plagued with guilty, haunting thoughts in every waking moment; from his adoptive father's death and the moments following, to the abandonment of his biological father, who commanded him to spy and never returned. He had no peace, as these vivid scenes tormented Kaeya, clung to him like a sinister spirit. He knew not of peace. However, these were nothing compared to the worst reminder of all - his Vision. Every second it clinked on his hip, it served as a constant, unforgettable sign of the path that Kaeya had chosen to walk - the choices he had made. Kaeya knew that there was no compelling reason to stay alive and live with the pain. Yet he could not bring himself to end it. So for now, until he had made a decision, Kaeya indulged in his sole remaining pleasure - drinking. Unfortunately, even this was stained by Mondstadt's punishment of him - he dared not step into Angel's Share, since he only ruined people's enjoyment, and wished to avoid any form of confrontation. So Kaeya drowned in his sorrow and guilt alone, his drunken state becoming the norm, whilst food and water wasted away. What was reality and what was an alcohol-induced illusion, Kaeya didn't know. Every drop that burned his throat numbed the pain, but only momentarily. Kaeya was alone with no flicker of hope left.

BANG!

Kaeya's heavy eyes cracked open, awoken by the sudden commotion. Hearing the echoes of hurried footsteps rush into his home, he was fully awake, yet the house spun constantly. His senses were struggling to sober up. Clinging onto the torn sofa for dear life, Kaeya tried to make sense of the distorted reality in front of him. Everything seemed to dissolve before his eyes, the table fading away, and even the sofa he desperately clung to appeared to waver and dissipate.
"Arghhh!!" he grunted, disoriented. The matted floor beneath him swayed like an unstable boat in treacherous waters. Kaeya's stomach churned in horror as he tried to make sense of what was going on, only to be roughly seized by the scruff of his neck and then instantly dropped outside his home.
"Get out. This place ain't yours no more, you worthless Khaenri'ahn scum. Paying the bills on time was too much to ask, huh?" a voice sneered, dripping with disdain, before kicking Kaeya to the curb. As for Kaeya, he was too intoxicated to process what had happened, but the cold air hit his face - it was torture. He continued to yell, his cries of helplessness fading into the endless abyss of the night.

Now unable to sleep (as was often the case), the only option was for Kaeya to warm himself up. He had just about enough for one more bottle. Slowly getting himself up, Kaeya stumbled off to the General Goods Store to purchase a bottle of Snezhnayan whiskey. He was on his way before he saw a figure, striding in his direction. Kaeya grunted in annoyance, this was the worst time for more taunts. He then pondered whether jail would be so bad, before concluding it was, since there would be no alcohol. Attempting to turn and hide in a dark corner, Kaeya found it was no use - his limbs could keep up no longer. He crashed to the cold floor, head hitting the stony tiles. The pain exploded inside his head as Kaeya yelled at the intensity.
"Sir! Are you alright? Can you speak?" a calm voice asked as the figure hurried closer. Kaeya could no longer open his eyes due to the head pain, and could only respond with a weak moan.
"Okay Sir, I will be helping you get up. Please cooperate with me, on the count of 3. One...two...three." Kaeya felt dizzy as he was lifted, the person supporting him to stand, with Kaeya's arm draped around them. "Sir! Please inform me - where is your home?" the firm voice asked. Kaeya could only muster a weak wave of his finger, meaning that he didn't have one...although for him, the dizziness and standing up was overwhelming...and sickening. The feeling built up further and further, until it crept up his throat, finally forcing him to throw up all over himself and the person supporting him. After that, all was black. 

Waking up, Kaeya's foggy sight focused on a bright, golden light dancing in front of his eyes,  before it instantly vanished, revealing a girl. The first thing Kaeya noticed was that the girl's e/c eyes were extremely expressive, and for some reason expressed worry without a trace of negativity. "You're awake, Sir!" she exclaimed with excitement. Kaeya managed to associate her voice with the person who had helped him to get back up, although details were still hazy with alcohol. For now he decided to not say anything to her, until he could recall his situation. Unfortunately, his throbbing hangover would prove it a difficult task. As Kaeya put his head in his hands, trying to squeeze the pain away, he felt a gentle tap on his arm. He weakly lifted his gaze to see the girl offering him water and a pill. If the pill turned out to be poison, Kaeya dizzily thought, he'd gladly take his chances at this point. However, something else caught his attention – his usual clothing had been changed into a fluffy, white robe. Slowly, Kaeya reached for the pill, hand trembling slightly, and washed it down with water. He had to admit, despite the pleasures of alcohol, the water felt refreshing. "Are you able to speak?" the girl hesitantly asked. Kaeya nodded in response, which provoked a confused expression in the girl. "I meant with words!" she chuckled, before continuing, "You're Kaeya, right?"
In that very moment, an overwhelming wave of shame crashed upon Kaeya. He had isolated himself for weeks in his own home, only to be kicked out. And now to top things, he would have to soon face taunts from a stranger, who clearly only was supporting him for now to fulfil their own selfish desires.

Pushing the bedsheet away, Kaeya swung his aching legs, determined to get up. Yet even his body did not care for his wishes, giving away. "Hey!" the (long/short)-haired girl yelped, caught off guard as Kaeya collapsed onto her, prompting her to quickly steady him. Shit, he thought. He was sure the girl would file a lawsuit against him for harassment, and punish him accordingly. Regardless of the situation, Kaeya deeply believed that he deserved all the punishments that came his way, and it still wouldn't be enough to make up what he did to his brother.
"Thank you for the help, but I will go now." Kaeya slurred, his words muddled. However, what Kaeya would now learn is that this girl was very stubborn. With both gentle force and firmness, she guided him back to a seated position on the bed, resting his back against the headboard.
"No can do," she stated, "You're in no condition to leave Kaeya. You're drunk and running a fever. At least stay put until you recover." Kaeya's initial instinct was to protest and move out of bed again, before the girl moved him back. "Look! Please understand that if I let you go, I'm going to feel guilty about it for a long time. If you feel like you're free-loading here, I'll give you plenty to keep you occupied, but as a Knight of Favonius, I cannot let you leave until you are recovered," she grumbled, clearly ticked off by Kaeya's movements. In that moment, Kaeya did not have the motivation to argue with her or even process her words fully, so he simply remained seated and closed his eyes in a weary surrender. As the girl got up and turned to leave, Kaeya spoke up, taking time with each word,
"Where are my clothes?" Even though the girl had already left the room, he could hear her yell,
"You threw up so I've dashed them in the wash!"

With a sigh, Kaeya rested his eyes again, but not for long since his thoughts had returned to torment him again. However, for once they did not plague his mind entirely, since Kaeya had other questions, mainly - Why hasn't she taunted me yet? Why did she bother washing my clothes? These mysteries swirled in his mind like ghosts, momentarily distracting him from his own inner turmoil. Sadly, it didn't take long before even those musings became stained by the memory of Diluc and Mondstadt. It won't be long until this girl hears about who I really am, and then kicks me to the kerb too - I'm disgusting, he thought. Kaeya felt something drop heavily in his chest, sinking down to his stomach, whilst his throat tightened with panic. The guilt and self-hatred, the anger and loneliness were becoming overwhelming, threatening to overpower him.

CRASH!

Turning towards the source of the noise, Kaeya screwed his face up in utter confusion as he found the girl sprawled on the floor before his bed. Surrounding her were scattered Mondstadt Hash Browns, sausages and bacon strips, along with a plate and cutlery that had somehow ended up right next to him. Kaeya was at a loss for words.
"Damn it Y/N! Why do you ALWAYS have to be such a klutz!" she snapped at herself.
"Were these for me?" Kaeya asked, curious and utterly perplexed. The girl looked down and nodded. "Why?" Kaeya wanted to know the reason behind keeping him here, giving him water and now preparing breakfast? He felt there must be a catch, an ulterior motive hidden within these seemingly selfless gestures.
"Greasy breakfast food is supposed to be great for a hangover...and I guess the floor agrees too." Y/N responded, her voice laced with subtle humour. Kaeya couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt again - whether there was a catch or not, she was right. His suspicion softened, and Kaeya for a split-second felt a sliver of gratitude.
"Allow me to clean it up," Kaeya offered, once again swinging his legs out of bed and getting up slowly. Upon hearing that, Y/N raced over to Kaeya.
"I wouldn't advise that since you have a fever. If you want to be useful then, go sit in the kitchen. It's to the right." Y/N gestured to the bedroom door, "And don't even think of leaving!"

Kaeya mindlessly left the room, stumbling, and then turned right, seeing the kitchen. There were many red roses that decorated the snow-white kitchen, it was almost extremely romantic. Seating himself down, Kaeya waited. After a few seconds, Y/N returned with a pile of blankets that she threw onto Kaeya's lap. "Wear those for now too," she instructed, before turning her back and cooking again. Meanwhile Kaeya snuggled under the fuzzy blanket and wondered what on Earth was going on. "Here you are," Y/N said as she passed the plate over to Kaeya. Whilst Kaeya accepted it, he didn't have much of an appetite. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt a need or craving to eat - he didn't deserve to eat either. So he simply stared at his food blankly, his mind clouded with guilt over the girl's wasted efforts.

Unknown to Kaeya, Y/N had been closely watching. Setting her own plate aside, she knelt in front of him and gently plucked the fork from his hand. Slowly, she cut a hash brown up into tiny pieces. Stabbing a piece, Y/N held it out to him.
"I know you're not hungry, but if you could eat 3 pieces, that would be great Kaeya. I won't force you after that, I promise," she gently whispered, holding his gaze. Feeling guilty about the whole situation, Kaeya reluctantly opened his mouth and let the girl feed him a bite.
"What did you say your name was?" he asked after chewing.
"I'm Y/N," Y/N beamed. Kaeya had never heard of that name in the Mondstadt records...unless..
"When did you first arrive in Mond?" he enquired, taking another bite of hash brown from her.
"Two days ago, but my first day as a Knight began yesterday. I just had to patrol the outside during the day, and then the city walls at night." Y/N replied, a hint of pride in her voice. Ah, she's a new Knight then, Kaeya realised. By that point, he had willingly given in to being fed the hash brown pieces – it felt quiet and comforting - and once they were finished, Y/N set the fork down.
"If you wish to eat more you can, but if not then you've eaten enough Kaeya." she softly spoke. Kaeya felt oddly moved and emotional; nobody had spoken to him like this in years. 

Throughout the rest of the morning, Y/N checked Kaeya's temperature again and placed a cold flannel on his forehead, whilst he sat propped up on a sofa. It was a day that flew by, as the two sat together, engaged in conversation. Kaeya discovered that Y/N was from Sumeru and wanted a change of scenery and more money, hence had turned up in Mondstadt. There was still one question that tugged at his mind though. Looking at the time, Y/N saw that it was 8pm.
"Eeek! Kaeya, come. You need to get good rest." Y/N stood, hands clasped together. As Kaeya got up, she walked beside him, taking slow steps back to the bedroom, making sure that Kaeya was comfortable.

As he lay in the darkness, Kaeya reflected over the day. It had been the lightest day that he had experienced in a long time. But why was she doing this? The fear of punishment lurked in his thoughts, the idea that she may offer him company and care, only to cruelly snatch it away. With these scary doubts, memories of his past mistakes as a spy resurfaced, and tears welled up as Kaeya sniffled softly, eyes tightly shut. It had been a long time since he cried – the alcohol had done a good job of numbing the waterworks. Noticing the sudden warm flicker of a lantern, Kaeya remained silent, holding his tears. As Y/N plodded up to where he lay, she sat on the ground next to where he was facing. Although she was not looking at him, she looked straight ahead with a calm expression.
"There's no explanations that you need to give me at all. I don't know what exactly you are going through, but I'd like you to know I'm here, and that I won't judge - none of us have the right to judge." Y/N whispered, as she leant her head against the side of the bed. This answered Kaeya's question - she did not know his past, hence she was treating Kaeya with respect. Once she found out, then like everyone else, her view of him would be tainted. Feeling himself becoming enveloped with these doubts, Kaeya turned away from Y/N and pretended to be asleep...although that wasn't very hard. Sleep wasn't any help to him, as his dreams would force Kaeya to relive that tragic day where everything was shattered. So to avoid this, he simply never sleep, instead choosing lethargic movements and dark, heavy eyes. So since Kaeya had been so sleep-deprived for a long time, pretending to sleep had only resulted in him actually falling asleep.

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A/N:

To my new readers, welcome! I'm jaskidust, and do hope you enjoy this story - as I love to say, enjoy the ride ;)

To those who have come from reading "My Anachronistic Love" - y'all crazy for wanting more Kaeya torture and devastating, emotional heartbreak.

Anyways, the nature of this story is a bit different. It's darker. I'm not sure what people will think of it, but just a warning now - if you are sensitive or get offended easily by anything that may indicate romanticism of certain touchy topics, it is best for you to not read ahead. 
I don't condone or wish to romanticise any horrible, sad situations that may occur during this story - it is merely a story idea that I would like to write. Nevertheless, constructive feedback is always welcome!

Please message me or comment if you have anything to say - I love to make new friends teehee!

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See you soon!

jaskidust xx