FINGERS CROSSED, yuzuha usagi

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Ikehara Akio was difficult to talk to, difficult to love, difficult to understand. That's all he was and ever will be. Difficult. And he had never once lived for himself; perhaps it was foolish of him, a little stupid to think of it as such, but the truth was he'd always been living for others.

He had lived for his cat for the past 4 years, before that he lived for the joy fostered in his little sister's eyes every time they met at his mother's house, and before that he lived for his father's hand patting his back, sometimes too soft to feel its warmth and sometimes so hard even his bones felt the shake. It happened after his mother's garden died of loneliness, of missing her eyes peeking out at them from her bedroom's window and her calloused, trembling hands burying between their roots, that he came to the conclusion he may had been meant to only live for whatever kept him alive 'till the day he could live for himself came.

Unconsciously, or maybe too conscious of it, Ikehara had built himself unlovable, untouchable, to the point love as he felt it inside his chest, gnashing and growling, became revolutionary. In every sigh that followed a loud laughter, in every brush of fingertips, in every memory of coming home he couldn't help confuse with dreams, he had hidden his heart in the farthest corner of his room and turned a blind eye whenever it called his name out. If it pleaded for mercy, he didn't hear, and if it sobbed for forgiveness, he tried to not care.

He tried and tried and tried until love, as it bit a little harder on his knuckles, felt lighter. When prepared and boiled and served well, it did something different, something that felt less difficult; it nourished, it fed, it gave hope. And hope, oh, hope, he had been starving so much of it.

"He'll run out of ammo soon! Stay in here where there's cover!"

Suddenly, the King of Spades, the unstoppable shooting, the piercing pumping on his shoulder, Yasuko's sweaty hand gripping his wrist, the feeling of his heart jumping a beat, Arisu's eyes glued on his temple, nothing mattered the moment he recognized his voice.

Ikehara knew he was not what someone tried to make him feel, what someone did to him. He knew he couldn't go back to how he was before Shibuya's games appeared and he was okay with it. But then he wasn't, when he saw him turning around, approaching them as if he hadn't walked through fire or held a gun up to his head and had him promise he'd stay away from The Beach.

He stood there, enough steps separating them from being able to hear Ikehara's heart wriggling inside his chest, tying a knot harder around his ventricle. All his eyes registered was a ghost finally reuniting with the living.

"You're alive." Aguni muttered, almost not believing his words.

Yasuko knew what Ikehara was feeling without even glancing at him. How couldn't she when she had been by his side since the first time they were put together in a game. Aguni, Hatter and him had been closer than anyone would've guessed, especially at the beginning. If someone would've told her things would end like that, she wouldn't have doubt it; it was as if their ending had been already written from the moment they found The Beach until the day Hatter was shown dead, from the moment Ikehara faced Aguni until he accidentally stepped on the heart he had forgotten where he'd placed in the past.

Ikehara ran away, alone and without telling a single soul. Though, despite his wishes of ever being find again, it had been Yasuko who had shipwrecked next to him at the end of the lane; she who told him all what happened after the heart's game, like a mother chanting a lullaby; she who made him a home out of her arms and heartbeats. But, as Aguni's eyes met his after so long, something bubbled up his throat.

"Yeah, I guess you are too." His voice was cold, biting every phoneme as if rushing out one after the other was more important than repressing back the way they quivered. The effort left a crack in the shell.

"He's just human, he's not invincible," Aguni turned his attention to the rest of the group, rebuilding his facade, the one he had let down for half a second when he faced him, "He also won't be able to shoot forever, once he runs out of ammo, he'll need to restock. I think they drop supplies from the blimps."

"Let's not go close to it then." Yasuko stated, staring blankly at him until he dared glancing back at her and she spined around, not wanting to let their eyes meet again.

"We've all got weapons." Behind them, Arisu spoke up, nodding towards the rifle on Yasuko's hand and his own.

Next to him, Kuina, Usagi, Ann, and Heiya, the young girl with a special affinity for archery, seemed to grow taller, confident than they already were. It was contagious, the feeling of proudness that floated in the air for having achieved so far. We're almost there, Yasuko thought.

"I almost forgot!" Kuina's gasp and sudden movement made all their eyes focus on her, "My lucky charm, this is the bomb Chishiya made." Its weight lasted short on her palms as Arisu took it away from her with an idea working every part of his brain.

"We can lure him in and use it at close range," He brought it up to his nose, "From what it smells, I'm guessing it contains kerosene."

"An ANFO bomb."

Yasuko looked at Ann befuddled. She really had no idea what that meant.

"The explosion it makes won't be that big." Aguni explained, but Arisu already had the solution on the tip of his tongue.

"I can see a drugstore over there, if we can fill it up with gas, then the explosion will be bigger."

For a minute, they considered the plan. Yasuko tried to recall the day she had started caring about each of them and why did it hurt to see them together, why her heartbeats fastening were as drowning as every pair of eyes wondering the meaning behind her furrowed brows and trembling knees and the breath she hadn't let go since Arisu gave away the intention of his words, why her teeth clattered and her hands felt heavier. Inhaling 'til her lung's full capacity was stored, she let her mouth relax barely conscious of Usagi's gaze stuck to Ikehara's fingers pinching her ear to bring her back to earth. She didn't think there had been one single moment since she had been there where she hadn't been clenching her jaw, and perhaps, there will still be many more.

"So you're saying someone has to lure the King of Spades there?" Kuina asked, just to be sure.

"Yeah, I'll wait for him inside the store and trigger it."

"You're going to die if you do that." Ann said without even looking at him.

"If I'm on the second floor when the bomb detonates, I'll be able to survive the fall." Survive, Yasuko repeated mentally, savoring the aftertaste it left on the back of her throat, "Probably." Forget it, she rolled her eyes at the smile tugging up his lips.

"I'll be the bait."

Ikehara turned immediately to face Aguni the second he heard him, ready to bite his head off if he ever thought to peek at his reaction sideways, but he didn't say a word. Instead, it was Usagi who took the turn to do it.

"It's reckless to try to do it alone," Sharing a glance with the rest of the group, she added, "We'll do it together."

Their eyes met once more and Yasuko wished hers didn't have so many things to say in such terrible moment.