We all have our scars (Thomas Sangster)

Chapter 1

Thomas's pov*******

what did i ever do to deserve this?

her voice keeps replaying in my mind and the pain wont stop. I feel like grabbing my blade but i made a promise that to Anna that I would keep clean for one year but i have only been clean for 12 days, her death was to hard on me I LOVED HER...

I.

HATE.

MY.

LIFE.

Why did she have to leave me? ever time I would be stressed out and needed a hug or some cheering up she was there, I wish i could just hold her one more time look her in the eyes and say "I love you and don't you ever forget that okay?" even If she would have got tired of me always saying that i love her it would have been better than this.....

--BEEP BEEP BEEP---

The most annoying sound to hear in the morning

I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom, I walk straight to the shower and turn the knob. I quickly strip and hop in. The warm water hits my skin and washes away all of my worries and replaces them with relief. I stand their for about 5 minutes before grabbing my old spice shampoo, its cold on my scalp but feels refreshing and smells great. I wash out the shampoo and and grab my body wash i scrub at my skin a little trying to make all the scars fade but it hurts, it hurts more than when i made the scar.. I miss the cold blade on my skin, its amazing how just a small piece of cold flexible metal can release so much pain as it goes across your skin.... the warm blood and that way it flows makes everything better, the blade believe me or not makes me feel like i still have Anna with me.... They say the best feeling in the world is love they are not wrong but it could also be the pain that demands to be felt... I fall to the ground hugging my knees, I'm crying again i miss her so much why did she leave me? She knew how much i would miss her, how much i would grieve over her...Would she still love me if she saw me like this or would she turn away and leave me all over again, the water became cold i shiver and hop out quickly while grabbing a towel. I look into the mirror, i'm not even me anymore I see a skinny pale boy looking back at me before Anna passed I would look in the mirror and be proud of how I look but i'm very disappointed with myself now its my fault! if she never would have met me then she would still be alive and happy! My fans did this to her, they would send her dead threats, and call her things like slut,whore,cheater.... None of it was true she loved me and I loved her, she never slept with any guy because she said she was waiting for her honeymoon to do anything along the lines of sex, her and I have made out before but we never went any further... I was going to propose on 1-6-15 but she passed in December..... DAMN IT! ITS ALL MY FAULT!