In love with my bestfriend(s)

058

Tw talk about passed attempts and drugs

Spencer and I stayed outside for a while.
"Idk how to forgive her y/n" but I couldn't say anything. Cause I don't know how I can forgive jj or hotch either. They knew emily was alive. And they let me relapse. If my attempts had worked i would have died thinking emily was death.

Luckily Spencer didn't want to talk about anymore and we talked about the case before going back in.

"I don't think we're dealing with a typical homeless person. He's good with chemicals, owns a car. I think the only mistake in our profile was assuming there was something wrong with his physical composition. Reducing him to some sort of stereotype." Spencer said walking in. Emily and jj looked at both of us. I saw how upset jj was but I decided to ignore it.

"You think it's only his mental state?" Rossi asked
"We think this guy might be smart enough to use his disability  to hid advantage so he comes across as harmless" I spoke while standing next to Spencer.

"Then when he's aline and the victim rejects him, he goes off." Derek added.
"What if he doesn't live on the street? What if he's in a halfway house?" Jj questioned.

Hotch called penelope to find a post of halfway houses and mental health centres in the unsubs comfort zone.

There is a sober living here in Durant. I looked at it while being in rehab as an option in case i couldn't find an apartment.
penelope told us she send 5 address to our phones. 2 of them were around in the 80s.

"Morgan and prentiss, take the first. Dave and I will take the second." Hotch said
"What about us?" Jj asked
"Stay here and check viCAP for similar M.O.s and signatures"

"Reid."
I wanted to walk out but Spencer took my hand. So I stayed beside him.
"If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me." Hotch spoke.

"I cant. I didn't come to your house crying for 10 weeks" Spencer spoke.
"I can be  mad at literally everyone" I said before we walked away.

I continuesly felt rage through out the day. So I went to blow off some steam.  While the team was investigating another missing girl.

"Ugh!!" I yelled while taking a walk. My head was spinning with thoughts
" how could they let me do that to myself!!"  I rolled up my sleeves to look at the scar from my first attempt.

I rubbed my finger over the scar. When emily texted me they have a suspect. Seeing her name pop up on my phone made it worse. I threw my phone down on the ground and turned too the wall. "AHHH" I yelled to let out the anger and my fist hit the wall.
"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT "  I held my hand as it bled.
"O God are you okay?" I woman came towards me.
"FUCK OFF" I yelled back

"I'm sorry I'm sorry" I said to the woman but she ran off. I kneel down in tears. After a while someone els approached me and offerd to take me to the hospital.
"You better actually take me there bc I'm an fbi agent and I have a gun on me" I treated the guy.
"If I was planning to kidnapped you, you definitely changed my mind now"

He dropped me off and I stayed in the hospital for about an hour.
After that I went back to the pd.
"Y/n? What happend?" Jj said worried who stayed with Spencer.
"I need a new phone" is all I said.

After a few hours we went on the plane.
I had my headphones off. Jj and hotch tried to talk to me but I ignored them.  Emily didn't even try with me. But she did try with Spencer.

I listen over. Emily invited him to Rossis tomorrow. I heard her say she had no choice but to keep her death a secret.  if I died would she believe the same?

I decided to stay home, Spencer joined rossi's but I couldn't handle it rn. But when he came back he brought me some left overs.

"Now can I look at your hand pls"
Spencer didn't stay long I need some time.