Secrets I Have Held In My Heart

Chapter 27

The day continued as if nothing ever happened.

It was around six when Auggie finally let me get up to make us all dinner and it took me at most an hour and a half to get him washed and put into bed. It's past 8 o'clock by the time Auggie is finally fast asleep. I sigh as I plop myself down onto the living room couch and Spencer hands me a small glass of wine.

  "Thanks." I quickly smile at him as he sits down beside me. It finally occurs to me why I'm here at Spencer's apartment in the first place and how Spencer and I haven't talked about it in a long time. "Y'know, we haven't really talked about the people still trying to kill us."

  "Oh."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Oh?"

  "It's just...me and Elle haven't made any progress. It's quite frustrating."

So many thoughts dance through my tired mind. I sigh and turn to look at him. "I would help but, I like the fact that this is torture for you."

He chuckles, digging the edge of his palms to his eyes. "I hate you."

I just give a hum, taking another sip from my glass. Elle and Spencer put way too much of their trust in my hands, for all they know I could've gone to the BAU hours ago to have them arrested in the blink of an eye. I have no reason not to, really but I just...don't. I won't do it because I care about him, hell no. How I could ever care about that fucker again is hard to conjure up but I think it's the fact that if I don't keep my end of the promise upheld, then Elle will literally kill me.

  "I have a question for you," Spencer says out of the blue. I look at him and nod my head, telling him to go on. I didn't expect it to be a generic question such as today was pretty shit huh? Or do you wanna get takeout? But the words that came out of his mouth made bile almost rise in my throat. "Why did August say that? About his father leaving?"

My eyes widen and feel my eyes start to water. My stomach is cramping up and I nearly collapse through the couch. My veins burst with a cold rush, and my body breaks out in a cold sweat. I lost the oxygen in the room, my stomach exploding with sickness. Spencer is looking at me, awaiting my answer and I know I have to give him one, and 'I don't know' will not work. "Um...his father left me when I gave birth to him." I sigh and take another sip of wine. "I tried calling him and he...never picked up." I don't know where to look. I don't want to look into his eyes on the off chance I'll start crying.

  "Oh, I- um..." He stutters and I almost give a rueful laugh.

  "Don't know what to say? Yeah, most people don't."

  "He sounds-and pardon me when I say this- like a big ass."

God he really doesn't know it's him that's actually the douche and it kills me not to tell him. If I tell him he abandoned Auggie, the same kid Spencer is so infatuated with now and couldn't even think of leaving...I don't know what would follow. And I don't even know if he'd want to be Auggie's father being who he is now. Spencer needs to be locked up, I mean let's all be honest here. But I know how much hell he was put through in jail and as much as I hate him, I won't let him go through that shit again.

I swallow the dry lump in my throat from his words. "Yeah, well. There's nothing I can do now." I stand up, patting his knee.

  "He doesn't want to see him?" Spencer asks and I just want to be done with the conversation. I want to curl up in bed and go to sleep and pretend we're not talking about him while Spencer doesn't even know we're talking about him.

  "He's never tried." I shrug.

  "Did you try to get in contact with him?"

  "Many times." Lie. I never tried to contact Spencer after he left me in a cold hospital room with a newborn baby in my arms alone and terrified.

  "Well, he doesn't deserve to see Auggie then. He's a brilliant boy and you're a great mom."

  "Thanks, Spencer." I smile at him.

If only he knew. 

*Authors Note: I'm sorry this chapter is so short, I'm getting ready for college and stuff. Longer chapters will be uploaded soon