Caged Byrd

Chapter 12 - Stay or Run

It was a mistake. That was the thought that kept echoing in my mind. I shouldn't have told him about my dad. I felt stupid for volunteering the information.

'He was abusive.'

Was he though? Did I ever get a black eye? A broken bone? Did he ever put me in the hospital? What right did I have to call him abusive when others had it much worse. Stupid and attention seeking. That's why I don't talk about my dad. Not to counselors, not to my mom, not-

"You're in your head again," Alex said, interrupting my inner monologue.

"Sorry," I stuttered out. I looked up to see him eyeing me with a curious gaze.

"What's wrong?" he asked. I hated how perceptive he was.

"Nothing. I just-" I sighed. "Just forget what I said about my dad last night. I shouldn't have said it." He stayed silent as I avoided eye contact, putting entirely too much focus on lacing up my boots. The silence was heavy. I tried not to fidget.

"You can tell me anything, Jamie. I'm glad you talked to me," he said carefully. "Why are you so worried about our conversation?"

I prickled at the casual question. "It was an over reaction. I was being dramatic. Emotional. Just... Just forget it." Why did I bring it back up? I should have just pretended it didn't happen.

"Dramatic isn't a word I'd use to describe you," he argued softly. He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees as he watched my face. "Sounds to me like you've been made to question what happened to you." Again with the psychoanalyzing. I wished he'd stop trying to pick apart my every word and thought.

I couldn't think of anything to say in response so I let his words hang in the air around us. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm asking you to please just forget that we talked about it."

"I won't forget but I'll leave it alone for now," he promised, his eyes taking in my posture as I relaxed just a little. "I've already got breakfast ready if you'd like to eat? I made some oatmeal. It's not much but it's warm and should hold us over until lunch." His tone was light and casual but his eyes continued to roam over me, constantly assessing. I shifted uncomfortably. He must have realized I was done with the conversation. He sighed, shifting from one foot to the other. When I still didn't respond he said, "I'll see you out there." He dipped out of the tent and I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. He can't force you, I had to remind myself. I took a deep, calming breath. Maybe the camping trip wasn't a good idea. I had gotten comfortable over the last few days spending my time alone in the greenhouse. But, then again, that was probably the very reason Alex brought me out here. He wasn't going to let me out of his sight and I hated awkward silence. I always found a way to fill it. Unfortunately that usually involve trauma dumping. I wish I knew how to keep my mouth shut. I took one more steadying breath before leaving the tent.

We ate breakfast in silence but at least the awkward tension had broken. As I took small bites I contemplated my options. Everything in me was screaming to find an opportunity to run.

The main issue was when to do it. To bolt right now would be stupid. If I was on foot, I'd never outrun Alex. Then if you factored in the fact that he'd have the four wheeler, I didn't stand a chance. I could try to run at night. Alex tended to fall asleep and roll away from me fairly quickly. But I'd have to get out of my sleeping bag, get dressed, and leave the tent without waking him. That was highly unlikely. And the idea of running into the dark woods without any inkling of which direction to run? Well the idea of running into a different kind of predator up here in the mountains... Let's just say I'd rather take my chances with Alex.