Caged Byrd

Chapter 13 -Losing Control

"What?" I froze, my heart stuttering.

"Take. Off. Your. Clothes," he said slowly as he unbuttoned his pants. I swallowed. My eyes trained on his fingers.

"N-no," I said, stumbling over my words. He didn't argue with me. Instead he left his wet jeans unbuttoned as he stalked towards me.

"Yes." He whispered the word, closing the distance between us. His muscular body was taut. My shallow breath sped up as I tried to retreat. The tent wasn't nearly large enough. He pulled me towards him by my the belt loops at the front of my jeans. My back was already soaked but now his wet jeans were pressed against mine. The cold seeped into me. I gasped as his fingers found the button to my jeans. Stop him. But I couldn't move. He dropped to his knees in front of me, peeling my wet jeans down my legs.

"Your shirt," he ordered roughly. I shook as I reached for the bottom of my shirt. My hands froze there. When he finished removing my jeans he pushed my hands out of the way, pulling my shirt over my head. I stood in just my panties and bra.

"Alex-"

"Not right now, Jamie," he said, anger lacing his words. My lips trembled. I didn't want him angry whenever he did whatever he was going to do to me. He shoved his jeans down his legs and kicked them off. "Go get in the bed." Tears brimmed my eyes.

"Alex, please," I begged.

"Jamie, for god's sake just get on the bed and cover up," he snapped. His words confused me. He took off his boxers, not looking at me as he played with the space heater. His naked body was turned away from me. When he turned around I was still standing there, shivering in my undergarments. He groaned, grabbing a blanket from the makeshift bed we had set up and wrapped it around me. "It's freezing. We need to warm up."

I felt the pent up anxiety ease just a fraction. "I thought-" A small whimper left me as hot tears rolled down my face. "I thought you-" I couldn't get the words out. I fell apart. I sat down, the blanket a puddle around me on the floor. "I thought-" I sobbed.

"No," he said, his words clipped and short. "I'm not-" He closed his eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. When he opened his eyes, he seemed a little calmer. "I'm pissed, Jamie. There's no hiding that," he said, grabbing a blanket and pulling it over his shoulders. He climbed behind me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tight. Now enveloped in the blanket, the added weight of his arms helped thaw my frigid flesh. "You could've killed me, Jamie. If I had been a few feet more to the left, I would've hit the rocks. You could have killed me." And suddenly I realized that I was hearing fear in his voice.

"I'm sorry," I cried. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I sobbed. A shudder ran through his body. He pulled me closer.

"But you didn't run," he said softly. "I'm not happy with you Jamie, but you didn't run. So breathe. Stop panicking. We just need to warm up. That's all that's happening."

"You promise?" I hiccuped. I tried to get control of my breathing.

"I promise," he said softly. "I don't lie. I'm not going to punish you." He kissed my hair as I cried.

"I'm sorry," I cried again. I repeated the words. Over and over and over until they lost meaning. "I don't know why I did it."

"I taunted you," he said softly. "And I gave you an opportunity too good to pass up." He stiffened a little before he spoke the next words. "But if you ever do something like that again, Jamie, I won't be so understanding. You could have killed me. Hell, I'm lucky that I walked away from that without a broken bone." My chin quivered as I hung my head. A small part of me still wished I had at least tried to run. However the relief that he wasn't going to punish me was almost overwhelming. My body shook as the adrenaline began to leave me.

I turned around in his arms. Though there were still tears in my eyes, I had regained control of my breathing. "I really am sorry," I said quietly looking up at him. His eyes met mine. They were guarded. I searched them for any traces of the anger that had been in there earlier but I couldn't find any.

"I know," he said.

I'm not sure what possessed me. Maybe I was just grateful that he wasn't angry at me anymore or maybe it was the relief of escaping punishment. Another impulse. I pulled his face down to meet mine. His body froze for a moment as my lips touched his. His mouth was warm against mine. Soft and sweet like honey and vanilla.

My whole body warmed down to the tips of my toes. He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. Still, I pressed against him, felt his solid body against mine. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, teasing it with his teeth before releasing it. A wave of heat spread from my belly. I felt feverish and flushed despite the shivers still running through me. I dragged in a labored breath as I pulled away from him. A look of bewilderment was on his face.

My hands were still in his hair. My arms, around his neck. I wasn't sure how much time had passed but somehow through the mess of blankets I had ended up straddling him during the exchanged. I swallowed hard, trying to catch my breath.

Alex's hair was wild and his eyes even more so. His ragged breath matched mine. I began to notice other things too, like the hard length pressed intimately against my panties. My panties. Oh god.

Like cruel old friends, Shame and Regret embraced me. Oh stupid girl, what have you done?, they whispered to me. And Panic quickly followed, not to be left out of the reunion.

I just made things a hell of a lot more complicated.

He cradled my face in his hands as I looked down, needing to break away from the intense look in his eyes. "Don't pull away," he said quietly. "Please."

I looked back up at him. "I shouldn't have done that," I said, a shiver running through me. I looked away. "What are you doing to me?" I accused, desperate to assign the blame to him. But he wasn't the one that kissed me. I kissed him. I had no one to blame but myself. And yet, I couldn't move from my place on his lap. Even now, lust was still pumping through my veins. Though I would never admit that to him out loud. I pressed my forehead against his chest and let out a whimper of angry frustration. Slut. Pathetic. Whore.

"I love you Jamie," he said softly into my hair. And for once, the words were soothing, not a source of panic. Even though he was pressed against me. Even though he was... throbbing.

There was something deeply wrong with me. I panted. "Alex, get away from me," I begged. "Please." I didn't expect him to comply. To not take advantage. But, he released me. His rough fingertips pressed into the skin at my hips as he slid me off his lap. My eyes stung as I stared at my hands twisting anxiously in my lap.

Those rough fingertips tilted my chin up and he pressed a small, soft kiss against my lips. "I will not lose control," he reassured me. "But, I think we've had enough excitement for tonight little bird." The pad of his thumb brushed over my bottom lip and I felt that quiver deep in my belly again. My eyes fluttered shut and I hated myself just a little bit more. "Do you want to eat or sleep?" he asked gently.

"Sleep," I whispered, exhaustion creeping into my voice. Alex rose, and I pulled my knees up, pressing my face into them and taking deep breaths, trying to slow my heart. When he returned, he handed me thick, warm pajamas and a dry pair of socks. I pulled on the clothes quickly. I didn't even bother trying to cover myself.

Alex pulled on some pajama pants, going commando. They hung loosely on his hips as he pulled a t shirt down over his head. I took slow breath as I watched his muscles move beneath tanned skin. Those blue-grey eyes found me again and I held their gaze for a few seconds before rearranging my blanket and laying down.

Alex followed soon after, as did night. As the light continued to fade, we lay next to each other. All was silent except for our quiet breaths. My heart had finally calmed and I felt myself regaining control. "What have you done to me, Alex?" I whispered, staring up into the darkness. He didn't respond, but he brushed his fingers over mine. As I drifted off, I prayed that my walls and my sanity would be back when I woke.